# If the SDMB was the Lord of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2004, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099 "2004-12-10T10:24:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/1 "2004-12-10T10:24:33Z")
**Cecil** , of course, would be Eru / Illuvitar. The Administrators ( **TubaDiva** , **Lynn Bodoni** , etc.) are the Valar. I don’t know enough about the Valar (or the admins, honestly) to say which might correspond to which, but as they’re only one step down from God himself, they obviously correspond to the Administrators of the SDMB. Moderators would be Maiar. They are a single step down from the Valar / Admins. They assist the Admins in carrying out their duties. We can probably all agree on the above. But now it gets tricky. Who or what do the members of the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board correspond to? My first thought is that they are the elves. They are not gods or demi-gods like the Valar / Admins and Maiar / Mods. But they are more than mere mortals, to be sure! Perhaps they correspond to the Istari (the wizards such as Gandalf)? After all, they are known for their wisdom. I think the 99’ers, those members of the SDMB who registered in 1999, are the elves if the SDSAB members aren’t. They are the first group to be created by the gods. (Assuming I’ve gotten my Tolkien mythos correct.) Those of us who registered in 2000 might be considered the Numenoreans. (Although I’m biased. Maybe we’re nothing.) Trolls are … well, trolls. The minor ones can be considered orcs, I suppose, but otherwise orcs are just the occassional jerks we get here from time to time. I have no idea who or what the balrog might correspond to. Also, what Doper Age are we in? The old AOL boards (which I was never apart of, sadly) are probably the First Age. The ending of the Second Age could be the Winter of our Missed Content. Anyone want to fill in the blanks or provide their own ideas? (And yes, I realize this post proves I have far too much free time.) ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/2 "2004-12-10T10:45:01Z")
Erm… well, you’d need Galadriel, the wise Queen of the Elves… maybe **Opal**? She’s been around here for a while and taught us the Law of Lists. I suppose I’d be a dwarf or a hobbit. Something short and hairy, anyway. Who would be Gollum? Maybe **december**? I wasn’t around for **Jack Dean Tyler** , but he sounds like a possibility. Since Sauron himself is never seen, perhaps our Sauron could be someone who’s never posted here, like Jack Chick. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/3 "2004-12-10T13:42:16Z")
Sauron is Jack Chick. Definately. And the Orcs are the nazis that, unfortunately, show up here periodically, from The Board That Must Not Be Named. The One Ring is the SDMB server, which Rules Us All, And On The Internet Binds Us. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/4 "2004-12-10T13:57:08Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Who would be Gollum? Maybe **december**? I wasn’t around for **Jack Dean Tyler** , but he sounds like a possibility. Since Sauron himself is never seen, perhaps our Sauron could be someone who’s never posted here, like Jack Chick. Definitely JDT - the way he always went on about _his precious_ - tug-ahoy, indeed. I’d have to list Qadgop as Elrond. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/5 "2004-12-10T14:06:19Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > I’d have to list Qadgop as Elrond. If **Qadgop** isn’t Elrond, well, I’m sailing off into the West because there’s no justice in this crazy world! ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/6 "2004-12-10T14:17:00Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > And the Orcs are the nazis that, unfortunately, show up here periodically, from The Board That Must Not Be Named. Might said BTMNBN be the Land of Mordor, where the shadows lie? GQ would be Rivendell, GD would be Gondor, MPSIMS would be the Shire ---
**Author:** ![AmericanMaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@AmericanMaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmericanMaid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/7 "2004-12-10T14:20:04Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > Might said BTMNBN be the Land of Mordor, where the shadows lie? GQ would be Rivendell, GD would be Gondor, MPSIMS would be the Shire Would the Pit be the Mines of Moria? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/8 "2004-12-10T14:37:51Z")
I registered in 2000. Does that mean I can’t be farmer Maggot? Or Fatty Bolger? Oh, I know – I want to be Bard! Who gets to be Rosie Cotton? My vote is for **Guinestasia**. Or **Elenia28**. We’ll need a Bill Ferney. My vote is for **Brutus**. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/9 "2004-12-10T15:56:43Z")
I’m quite sure my Trekker status overshadows the fact to most Dopers that I am a huge LotR fan/geek. So, I wil nominate myself for a role. Pippin I love good food and strong drink. I’m impetuous and clumsy. I have a strange relationship with talking trees and I can sing fairly well. Damn good throwing aim, too. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/10 "2004-12-10T16:06:07Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > I have a strange relationship with talking trees and I can sing fairly well. Damn good throwing aim, too. **Little Boy** : “Daddy! The Funny Man thinks trees can talk! Daddy! He has strange relationships with trees! Daddy! I’m scared!” **Father** : “We all are, Son. _We all are._” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/11 "2004-12-10T16:06:38Z")
> [@Earthworm Jim](#): > > I’d have to list Qadgop as Elrond. Let’s see. Last ruling heir of the house of Finwe in exile (nods to Galadriel), son of Earendil and Elwing, scion of Beren, Luthien, Tuor, and Idril? Looked upon a Silmaril with my own eyes? I’m cool with that! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/12 "2004-12-10T16:41:32Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Sauron is Jack Chick. Definately. Once I overcome my outrage, I’m gonna sue the … [sub]No, wait, can’t say that.[/sub] I’m gonna kick the … [sub]No, shoot, can’t say that either.[/sub] Imagine something reallyreally bad, and I’ll do THAT! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/13 "2004-12-10T16:44:59Z")
I want to be the Ballhog. :: dribble, dribble, dribble, fake, shoot, _swish_ :: ---
**Author:** ![audiobottle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@audiobottle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/audiobottle)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/14 "2004-12-10T16:48:11Z")
But who will be Tom Bombadil? Since it seems like nobody actually knows who he really is even in the books, who could be him on the Boards? ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/15 "2004-12-10T16:51:04Z")
I must conclude, sadly, that I’m one of the orcs. But can I at least be a high-ranking orc? Y’know, one who gets to knock off a few heads when he needs to vent and order other miscreants around? ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/16 "2004-12-10T16:52:35Z")
So I’ma Numenorean? I vaugely know what those are. Thats’ what Aragorn is, right? Human but with a wee smidge of Elf bood, so I can live to be, like, 200 or something? I’m cool with that, although I’m probably more a hobbit. Reasons: I have no large desire for wealth, power, or anything like that. I often go unnoticed. I am quite fun-loving, and can be light-hearted in the most dire of cicrumstances I am a good friend to my…umm…good friends. Although I do wear shoes, I have quite hairy feet 😛 Also, I kinda look like the guy who played Merrin. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/17 "2004-12-10T16:53:19Z")
> [@audiobottle](#): > > But who will be Tom Bombadil? Since it seems like nobody actually knows who he really is even in the books, who could be him on the Boards? Easy, that’d be **Eutychus**. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/18 "2004-12-10T16:54:56Z")
I want to be one of the many heroes that goes completely un-noticed and unremarked upon in the books, but which every character remembers fondly whilst in his/hers cups, and who they tell drunken stories of over mead and pipeweed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/19 "2004-12-10T16:56:07Z")
OH, and I meant to mention: Who would Sarumon be? It would have to be someone who once was good, then fell to evil. A poster people liked, then got banned. **Satan** perhaps? Although I don’t recall the general feeling of Satan before he was banned, I think he was generally liked, right? Maybe **sqrlcub**? The dwarves woudl be the posters in GD who start a topic. and no matter what, will not change their position on it. Not even the slightest. They are the most stubborn posters imaginible. So maybe **Sam Stone** is a dwarf? He’s even got a name that kind of fits! ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/20 "2004-12-10T17:07:59Z")
> [@bouv](#): > > Who would Sarumon be? It would have to be someone who once was good, then fell to evil. A poster people liked, then got banned. **Satan** perhaps? Although I don’t recall the general feeling of Satan before he was banned, I think he was generally liked, right? Maybe **sqrlcub**? It would have to be someone who was powerful and then fell from grace. I recall reading that (before my time) there was a Mod who later had a meltdown and was banned. Whoever that was would make a good Saruman. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099.md?page=2)