# If the SDMB was the Lord of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2004, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099 "2004-12-10T10:24:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/21 "2004-12-10T17:35:06Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > It would have to be someone who was powerful and then fell from grace. I recall reading that (before my time) there was a Mod who later had a meltdown and was banned. Whoever that was would make a good Saruman. **Melin** Even sounds wizardy ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/22 "2004-12-10T18:40:00Z")
Well I tried to build a real to life **Bag End** in my backyard - didn’t turn out so well - however the treehouse came out great. I wouldn’t mind being **Bilbo**. I absolutley love adventuring, and I’ve been around long enough methinks, and I love a nice humble puff of the finest weed of the south farthing (sp?)… Did I mention I love mountains? ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/23 "2004-12-10T19:12:54Z")
Hey, can I be **Eowyn**? I’m well intentioned but inclined to shoot off my mouth without thinking. Plus, I’m all feminist and gender-bendy with the rules of society and stuff. At least one evil dude wanted to marry me. And I like horses a lot. And my daddy. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/24 "2004-12-10T19:49:54Z")
I nominate **Polycarp** as the board’s resident Gandalf. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/25 "2004-12-10T19:53:37Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > **Melin** > > Even sounds wizardy Sounds friendly to me. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/26 "2004-12-10T20:17:56Z")
OOOHHH!! Can I be Denethor ? ! ? Bitter, powerless, defensive, tedious, heartless and maniacally self destructive! “Bring beer and nachos” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/27 "2004-12-10T20:50:23Z")
> [@](#): > > The Administrators (TubaDiva, Lynn Bodoni, etc.) are the Valar. I don’t know enough about the Valar (or the admins, honestly) to say which might correspond to which, but as they’re only one step down from God himself, they obviously correspond to the Administrators of the SDMB. Gender difference aside, I think it’s quite clear that **Lynn Bodoni** is Mandos, the Doomsayer of the Valar. **Ed Zotti** would presumably be Manwe, the one closest to Illuvatar, and penultimate authority over Creation. **jdavis** , master of technology and of the stuff of which the world is made, is a clear choice for Aule. And I’d like to argue for **TubaDiva** as Elbereth Gilthoniel, but I can’t quite think of a justification. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/28 "2004-12-10T20:55:36Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Easy, that’d be **Eutychus**. I’m cool with that. But who’s going to be my Goldberry? ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/29 "2004-12-10T21:08:40Z")
A well-known adventurer who does nothing but show up and say everything is going to hell, then be about my merry way. Sounds great. That would make me Radagast the Brown! ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/30 "2004-12-10T21:20:21Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > Perhaps they correspond to the Istari (the wizards such as Gandalf)? After all, they are known for their wisdom. Just a nitpick to an otherwise inspired OP, but the Istari are Maiar. That would put them on a par with the mods, which isn’t misplaced IMH, though. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/31 "2004-12-10T21:34:17Z")
If I gauge this correctly, I am the orc on the frontlines at Helmsdeep that dies when the old guy accidentally lets his arrow fly. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/32 "2004-12-10T21:40:46Z")
> [@Greenback](#): > > If I gauge this correctly, I am the orc on the frontlines at Helmsdeep that dies when the old guy accidentally lets his arrow fly. Heh, buck up little camper, that makes you no mere rabble of orc. You’d be an _Uruk-Hai_! Your armor is thick, and your shield brawn. And your luck incredibly poor. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/33 "2004-12-10T21:41:10Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Sounds friendly to me. 😉 Are you thinking of _mellon?_ Melian might be a good fit for her, based on what I’ve read about Dope history. I’ll let somewhat else decide. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/34 "2004-12-10T21:42:56Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Heh, buck up little camper, that makes you no mere rabble of orc. You’d be an _Uruk-Hai_! Your armor is thick, and your shield brawn. And your luck incredibly poor. Oooh! He carries the mark of the white hand. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/35 "2004-12-10T21:47:56Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > OOOHHH!! > > Can I be Denethor ? ! ? > Bitter, powerless, defensive, tedious, heartless and maniacally self destructive! > > “Bring beer and nachos” I was going to nominate **Diogenes the Cynic**. Once wise, now spiralling into insanity. Can I say that if we’re not in the Pit? No, I actually like \*\*DtC \*\*a lot, but ever since his gaze was stolen by Bush (the human palantir), he just hasn’t been the same! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/36 "2004-12-10T21:55:29Z")
All I know about LotR, I learned from my (one) viewing of the three films so I have no idea what I, as one of the most prolific\* 2002ers, would be. Any ideas, anyone? Preferably someone at least somewhat amoral… I don’t want my hands bound by a pesky conscience in such a world. \*What I lack in quality, I make up for in quantity. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/37 "2004-12-10T21:58:01Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Are you thinking of _mellon?_ Yes, I was. I’m glad somebody got it. You may not be as clueless as you appear. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/38 "2004-12-10T21:58:12Z")
Yeah, I think I’m Shagrat. Doesn’t trust anybody, especially the Big Bosses; and by the sound of his dialog with Gorbag, he’s a fallen Elf, immortal, and with memory stretching back to at least the end of the Second Age. We know he made it at least as far as the Dark Tower, or the Mouth of Sauron (and who should _he_ be?) would never have gotten ahold of the Mithril coat. Did any of the Orcs of Mordor escape? I wonder. Tolkien made an abortive start on another story, set in the Fourth Age, and some orcs certainly do appear to have survived Sauron’s last fall. If any could have, I should think that Shagrat would have been among them: The only survivor of the carnage of Cirith Ungol. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/39 "2004-12-10T22:19:25Z")
Figwit. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/40 "2004-12-10T22:21:20Z")
Actually, no, I’d rather be someone from the novel. Pick some minor, anonymous eldar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099.md?page=3)