# If the SDMB was the Lord of the Rings **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2004, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099 "2004-12-10T10:24:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/41 "2004-12-10T22:28:59Z")
> [@Aesiron](#): > > All I know about LotR, I learned from my (one) viewing of the three films so I have no idea what I, as one of the most prolific\* 2002ers, would be. Any ideas, anyone? Preferably someone at least somewhat amoral… I don’t want my hands bound by a pesky conscience in such a world. > > \*What I lack in quality, I make up for in quantity. Or something. Wormtongue or not… (fits the self profile you gave) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/42 "2004-12-10T22:40:42Z")
**Eutychus** , I was going to nominate **Ed Zotti** as your Goldberry, but I see he’s already been cast in a different role\*. 😉 Since it seems to be an amorous relationship I think you should nominate someone to fit the role. Someone earthy and sensual. I can think of several doper females and maybe a couple of doper males that might fit well. > [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Wormtongue > [Said to **Aesiron**] > or not… > > (fits the self profile you gave) Wormtongue should be someone who is good at convincing others to do bad things. Does that sound like you, **Aesiron**? There have to be several good nominees for that role. \*One little kiss etched into my brain one night in Chicago and you’re going to be reminded about it pretty much forever. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/43 "2004-12-10T22:57:20Z")
I said _somewhat amoral_, not an _immoral_ asshole. World of difference there. Light grey as opposed to pitch black. And I’m horrible at selling ideas so that wouldn’t fit anyway. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/44 "2004-12-10T23:19:00Z")
Been awhile since I read the novel, and I never got into all the later stuff that came out. Is there a character that would correspnd to a poster that lurked the AOL site (First Age), joined and made three posts in 2000, didn’t show up at all for 2-1/2 years, (between the Second Age and the Third Age, I guess) then rose to become one of the top ten most efficient thread-killers on the boards? And is AOL Morgoth? ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/45 "2004-12-10T23:28:34Z")
> [@scotandrsn](#): > > And is AOL Morgoth? Actually, I think that’s it. AOL is morgoth, and the bugs in various servers and vBulletin since then are the powers of Sauron the second dark lord. So who are the Nazgul? ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/46 "2004-12-10T23:31:21Z")
> [@scotandrsn](#): > > Actually, I think that’s it. AOL is morgoth, and the bugs in various servers and vBulletin since then are the powers of Sauron the second dark lord. > > So who are the Nazgul? Is there a LoTR character famous for answering their own questions? The nine public boards are the Nazgul! (Or are they the Nine rings, enslaving their moderators?) ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/47 "2004-12-10T23:44:40Z")
> [@scotandrsn](#): > > Is there a LoTR character famous for answering their own questions? Gollum sort of talks to himself… yes, he does, my preciousssssss… ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/48 "2004-12-10T23:46:04Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > Wormtongue should be someone who is good at convincing others to do bad things. That’d be **Handy**. Banned for attempting same IIRC (consciously or otherwise) . ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2004, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/49 "2004-12-10T23:54:15Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > That’d be **Handy**. > > Banned for attempting same IIRC (consciously or otherwise) . Okay, if you ignore the obvious paradox of having **Handy** be Wormtongue. Not to mention it’s not just the suggestion being made, but someone actually listening to him. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/50 "2004-12-11T00:49:13Z")
Well, if I may stretch beyond the second age a _bit_… I can’t be an elf, but can I be Beren? I’m not all heroic and stuff, but occasionally I do speak up to authority in ways that both astound people with questions of my sanity and gain me points with the listener for having a pair…but mainly I’m not like that. Then again, I can fall in love on sight and have once or twice been so smitten as to be willing to undertake a life threatening quest for the loved one. ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/51 "2004-12-11T00:58:46Z")
In accordance with **Askia’s Law** , I should be cast as Boromir, thus assuring that as a black man and betrayer of the Fellowship, there’s no way I’ll make it out of the trilogy alive. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/52 "2004-12-11T01:00:24Z")
I’m trying to figure out how _ **Gaudere** ’s Law_ would play into what I’m calling the “LOTMB.” ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/53 "2004-12-11T01:01:33Z")
Damn. Maybe that should be “Board of the Rings.” ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/54 "2004-12-11T01:10:42Z")
I’m taking advantage of my registration date to say I am an elf. I don’t care which elf, I can be part of the background, that’s okay. I just want pointy ears. (In fact, my left ear IS pointy. My right ear isn’t. Yes, yes, I’m a freak.) ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/55 "2004-12-11T01:25:40Z")
I have a feeling I’m a human that Tolkien wrote out of the final draft rather like the Disposable Hobbits. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/56 "2004-12-11T01:31:08Z")
Hey, Priam and I joined about the same time. I’m just an anonymous hobbit-like human who wishes they were Elvish. Thank you very much. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/57 "2004-12-11T01:44:28Z")
> [@Kyla](#): > > I’m taking advantage of my registration date to say I am an elf. I don’t care which elf, I can be part of the background, that’s okay. I just want pointy ears. (In fact, my left ear IS pointy. My right ear isn’t. Yes, yes, I’m a freak.) You can be Nimrodel, then. 'kay? [Nimrodel](http://heriwen.home.comcast.net/html/nimrodel.html) ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/58 "2004-12-11T02:03:04Z")
I wouldn’t mind being one of the riders of Rohan. Who can we find to be the Ents? We need some Dopers who joined ages ago, but have not been heard from in years. Everyone thinks they are gone, but they are still out there, lurking, ready to return in force in our hour of need… ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Dirx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b77776/32.png) [@Sir\_Dirx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Dirx)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/59 "2004-12-11T02:33:47Z")
What I’ve been trying to figure out is how the hamsters fit in to all this. Won’t somebody please think of the hamsters?? ---
**Author:** ![Threadkiller](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aca169/32.png) [@Threadkiller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Threadkiller)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2004, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099/60 "2004-12-11T02:59:11Z")
> [@Suburban Plankton](#): > > Who can we find to be the Ents? We need some Dopers who joined ages ago, but have not been heard from in years. Everyone thinks they are gone, but they are still out there, lurking, ready to return in force in our hour of need… I don’t know about the “Hour of Need” part but given the fact that I signed on early in '99 and have a post count that won’t come close to rounding up to 1000 I could qualify as one of the early ents that went to tree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-lord-of-the-rings/279099.md?page=4)