# If The SDMB was the One World Government... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329 "2001-08-07T18:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/1 "2001-08-07T18:41:40Z")
_The Scene: The great SDMB Cabal sits solemnly in a black room lit with blood red candles. They are cross legged, sipping from heavy iron goblets (but it’s just Orangina, I mean, what are we here?) **Overlord Master Cecil** bangs a gavel and nods, sending Ed Zotti scurrying towards a podium with a smiling red goat carved into the front_ **Ed Zotti** : The floor is now open. The Overlord recognizes the delegate from MPSIMS **Wildest Bill** : I’m not going to lie here. I’m a little skittish, I’m a little…um…nervous. I mean, I’m not as smart as the rest of you guys, you know that. But I do have to say, aren’t you a little afraid? AFRAID of this ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT? **Manhattan** : Bill, don’t make me come over there. I’m not even kidding. _Manhattan, Ben, DavidB, Czarcasm and an assorted group of thugs roll up their sleeves. Ed Zotti bangs the gavel again to restore order. Manhattan gives Bill ‘a look’ and they both sit. Esprix approaches the podium. To show support: goboy, matt\_mcl and Hastur stand briefly, then sit_ **Esprix** : It was my assignment for the past week to try and balance the budget for the Southeastern quadrant of Asia. _Astroboy quickly stands_ **Astroboy** : Why you didn’t ask me, I’ll never know. _ChasE. quickly stands_ **ChasE** : or me, for that matter. I’m something of an authority on all things Asian, including rice and rice preparation. _Zotti hits the gavel again and everyone but Esprix sits._ **Esprix** : As I was saying, this assignment was not completed, as I was distracted by a fantastic party that lead to a fantastic afterparty, if you know what I mean. **Goboy** : Esprix…how YOU doin? _hoots and hollers from the crowd. Hamadryad stands_ **Hamadryad** : Really now. _everyone quiets down. Duck Duck Goose stands_ **Duck Duck** : Actually, I knew Esprix wouldn’t get that done, so I took it upon myself to do a quick Google search, and found these pages: [Easy Bookkeeping](http://www.homebiztools.com/bookkeep.htm) [The Southeastern Asian Economy](http://wwwarc.murdoch.edu.au/arc/publications/rodan.html) [Is The Asian Economic Crisis Over?](http://www.imf.org/external/np/speeches/1998/040298.htm) I mean, it only took .039 seconds to find. _Maeglin stands_ **Maeglin** : I also found this ancient manuscript in my bathroom reading rack “The Future Expanded Conceptualization of Asian Theory and Practice of Economic Structures.” I’m sure you’ve all read it, but just in case, I have a copy. **Fenris** : Actually, I’ve written a short parody song about Asia, if anyone would like to hear it. **Scylla** : _throwing down a spotless white glove_ A parody song indeed! **Ed Zotti** : _sensing the impending doom_ ENOUGH. The Asian Budget will be taken on by Duck Duck and Maeglin. Moving on. The most sexy master Cecil recognizes the delegate from The Agriculture Department, Scylla. **Scylla** : I have a mild proposition. I propose that we drive all of the Amish off of our land. Damn kids! I’m really sick of being the delegate from the Agriculture Department, as a matter of fact. I’m about one second away from dropping all of this and becoming a professional runner. **Quadgop the Mercotan** : Actually, running isn’t the best thing for your joints OR your back. Of course, consult with YOUR doctor, I’m just giving opinions. **Fenris** : I actually have a short parody song about the Amish right here if you’d like to hear it. _the two begin wrassling_ **Scylla** : Why you needlenosed barrelrider! _Coldfire stands_ **Coldfire** : Direct insults, no matter how clever, are not allowed in the One World Government. Don’t do it again. **Techchick** : I’m leaving this government! Just you watch. **Hamadryad** : Fine! Go! _Teckchick and Hama begin wrassling. Superdude stands_ **Superdude** : Alright! Chick wrassling! _Superdude, Jester, thinksnow, manservant Hecubus, Airman Doors, Chef Troy and assorted other boydopers jump up and down. Hamadryad stops wrassling_ **Hama** : really now. _Everyone sits. Ed Zotti hits the gavel again._ **Zotti** : So, the agriculture department AND the southeastern Asian budgetary department aren’t working out. How about alternative energy sources? **Anthracite** : covered. _Everyone claps, Ma Parrot huffs and crosses her arms_ **Ma Parrot** : Why does everyone love Anthracite? Why do the overlords let her get away with everything while the proletariat suffers under this fascist regime? _Serlin, JDT, Farmer Oak, SexNazi and DITWD begin clapping quietly, in unison._ **Ma Parrot** One day! One day we will rise up and overthrow the One World Government!!! One day we will win the race! **Collunsbury** _waking up_ What was that? **Ed Zotti** This meeting is officially in recess. **Tuba Diva** Get out or you’re all banned. **Ms Robyn** But don’t leave before you have something to eat! _The cabal breaks up: CrankyAsAnOldMan, Jarbaby and Magdalene try to organize a pubcrawl, but there are no takers, so they just go slug back ripple in the back of Jarbaby’s car_ The End. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/2 "2001-08-07T18:47:10Z")
Mister Chairman! As **Grand High Field Marshall of the War Forces with Sugar on Top** I hereby move we declare war on the forces of TimeCube. Educators may be stupid, but not even TimeCube can withstand 360 kT of hot firey plasma. Tripler Rally the forces boys, there’s stupidity over the hill… ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/3 "2001-08-07T19:16:00Z")
Woohoo, I’m in with the **Cabal**! Uh, I mean, of course, _there is no Cabal and all Dopers are equal._ [sub]I’m in the Cabal, I’m in the Cabal![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/4 "2001-08-07T19:19:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > **Educators may be stupid, but not even TimeCube can withstand 360 kT of hot firey plasma.** Augmented by the rage of a million suns! As **Junior Assistant Third Level Fifth Class Anger-Man** , I will direct my confusion of Jerry Lewis and Jerry Lee Lewis at whatever target selected by the great SDMB Cabal. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/5 "2001-08-07T19:38:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > \*\*Rally the forces boys, there’s stupidity over the hill… \*\* \ All resources, materiel and organic, present and accounted for, sir. \ ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/6 "2001-08-07T19:40:06Z")
Beautiful! Just beautiful! But where was **Lynn**? ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/7 "2001-08-07T19:40:34Z")
I want to be included in all future drama plays from now on. I also demand to be put in charge of all conspiracies generated by this world government. And yes, the world chemtrail plan is going quite nicely. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/8 "2001-08-07T19:46:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Blackclaw \* > And yes, the world chemtrail plan is going quite nicely. Thank you. Blackclaw. I love you. Do you not find it strange that in some weird way, we knew each other before we were on the SDMB? Small internet, eh? The chemtrails baby, just look up. Also, color me an idiot, but am I missing a big inside joke regarding this? What are all the TimeCube jokes? There’s stupidity over the hill? Did I do something stupid? I just wanted to write a playlet! jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/9 "2001-08-07T19:51:37Z")
jarbaby: check out [http://www.timecube.com](http://www.timecube.com) And as if Cecil would ever let himself be seen… ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/10 "2001-08-07T19:55:20Z")
Woohoo! I’m in the secret society. A member of the Stonecutters am I. Let’s sing: Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do ::looks around, sees no one else singing, and stops sheepishly:: ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/11 "2001-08-07T19:55:55Z")
ultrafilter, I now hate you for making me view that page. You owe me two Advil. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/12 "2001-08-07T19:57:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > jarbaby: check out [http://www.timecube.com](http://www.timecube.com) um, well. OK. I just meant this as a joke. I didn’t want people to feel stupid about the cabal. I thought everyone knew that was just a joke. I’m sorry. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/13 "2001-08-07T20:09:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by ultrafilter \* > > jarbaby: check out [http://www.timecube.com](http://www.timecube.com) > > um, well. OK. I just meant this as a joke. I didn’t want people to feel stupid about the cabal. I thought everyone knew that was just a joke. I’m sorry. > > jarbaby \*\* Is that directed at me? I knew it was a joke, and a damn funny one at that. I thought your comments about “what’s this timecube nonsense” were serious, and provided an answer. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/14 "2001-08-07T20:12:23Z")
No no. thanks for the info! I was completely in the dark. I’m worried that I never should have brought up “the cabal” though. It was just a joke. I’m worried that the time cube people think I’m being stupid. forget it. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/15 "2001-08-07T20:14:30Z")
It was funny **jarbaby**. You aren’t being stupid. Just trying to make a funny joke funnier. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/16 "2001-08-07T20:16:42Z")
I’ll shut up now. Besides, it’s time to go to the gym. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/17 "2001-08-07T20:25:31Z")
\ I _never_ wanted to be in your stupid cabal anyway. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/18 "2001-08-07T20:26:33Z")
Oh, man, jarbaby… That was hysterical! Keep up the good work! ::MsRobyn goes into the kitchen and sits down and writes out the grocery list it’ll take to keep this cabal fed:: Robin ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/19 "2001-08-07T21:12:20Z")
That was delicious. 😃 And since you didn’t make me the Mentat Assassin, I guess I might as well be the geek. \ MR ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/20 "2001-08-07T21:14:49Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Simetra \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \ > > All resources, materiel and organic, present and accounted for, sir. \ \*\* ::sniff:: I just love it when a war comes together . . . 😃 > [@](#): > > \*\*Demand your teachers teach Time Cube and encourage debate or you are mentally enslaved as stupid and evil ass unfit for life on Earth. > \*\* :mad: **Simetra** , we were just called “evil asses”. I hereby promote you to **Supreme Allied Commander of Hot, Firey, Instantaneous, Strategic Nuclear Death**. Ready the missiles. . . Tripler I have just signed orders outlawing Time Cube forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329.md?page=2)