# If The SDMB was the One World Government... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2001, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329 "2001-08-07T18:41:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/21 "2001-08-07T21:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Superdude \* > \*\*Who controls the British crown? > Who keeps the metric system down? > We do, we do > > ::looks around, sees no one else singing, and stops sheepishly:: \*\* Whatchoo talkin bout, Sooper? \ Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do. Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the martians under wraps? We do, we dooooo Who holds back the electric car, Who makes Steve Guttenburg, a star! We do, we do, Who robs cave fish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? Weeeeeee do, we dooooooooooooo! \ -Jester, who’s absolutely pickled tink to be a member of the secret cabal. **jarbabyj** , you absolutely, undboubtably rock. ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/22 "2001-08-07T21:55:03Z")
As the \*\* Ghost Emperor\*\* of Arrakis, I would be pleased to sell the Cabal some of my highly prized Spice melange. With it, you can travel throught the known galaxy with_out_ thinking machines! Mwwhahahahahhahahahhahaha…seeing as I wasn’t included in the Cabal. ---
**Author:** ![Rossarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3e96dc/32.png) [@Rossarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rossarian)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/23 "2001-08-07T22:38:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > > :mad: > > **Simetra** , we were just called “evil asses”. I hereby promote you to **Supreme Allied Commander of Hot, Firey, Instantaneous, Strategic Nuclear Death**. Ready the missiles. . . > > Tripler > I have just signed orders outlawing Time Cube forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. \*\* [sub]**Hurries into room, salutes Tripler. [/sub]** Sir, Rossarian reporting. As the **Rather Low-Level Doper in Charge of Intelligence Gathering and Selecting Which Movie We Watch on Movie Night** , I thought I would point out that there is a [second time cube theorist](http://fishead.gabber.org/timecube/) who is building his own force of Time Cube believers. I believe he too is a threat to **Overlord Master Cecil** , and since we are already employing _Hot, Firey, Instantaneous, Strategic Nuclear Death_ on people, we may as well get him too. Can’t be too careful with these Time Cube people. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/24 "2001-08-07T22:41:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rossarian \* > **…there is a [second time cube theorist](http://fishead.gabber.org/timecube/)…** In all seriousness, what the fuck? What is it about the possibility of magic simultaneous days that attracts these people? Oh, and I haven’t even claimed a title yet. ::looks around:: Um, call me the…the…hold on, I’ll get it in a second… Nothing’s coming. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/25 "2001-08-07T22:57:32Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Rossarian \* \*\* > [@](#): > > Sir, Rossarian reporting. As the **Rather Low-Level Doper in Charge of Intelligence Gathering and Selecting Which Movie We Watch on Movie Night** , I thought I would point out that there is a [second time cube theorist](http://fishead.gabber.org/timecube/) who is building his own force of Time Cube believers. I believe he too is a threat to **Overlord Master Cecil** , and since we are already employing _Hot, Firey, Instantaneous, Strategic Nuclear Death_ on people, we may as well get him too. Can’t be too careful with these Time Cube people. 😃 \*\* Good work, **Rossarian**. I promote you to **Commander in Chief of Blip Watching on Big War Room Screens**. Make sure there aren’t any more of these threats out there. And quit saluting me. . . It makes me a target. **Overlord Master Cecil** , **Honorable Ed Zotti** , and good People of this Cabal, in the spirit of top ten lists and funny names for people we believe _spread_ ignorance instead of smiting it, I hereby propose the following: Seeing as how [this knucklehead](http://www.timecube.com) and [this putz](http://fishead.gabber.org/timecube/) seem to be suspiciously similar in their theories, _right down to the wallpaper_!! I submit to you that we consider the latter a **sock**! Furthermore, because of their rediculous nature and infatuation with cubes, I dare say that they are declared_ **squares** _!! Good People, yours is policy to make. I will simply ask **Simetra** and **Rossarian** to push the buttons to implement the policy of _Hot, Firey, Instantaneous, Strategic Nuclear Death_ upon the enemies of this state. Thank you, and good day . . . Tripler Rome may have been built in a day, but I could have toasted in in a millisecond. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2001, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/26 "2001-08-07T23:27:47Z")
[sub]yet another thead I’m not part of. Well, they all be sorry someday. Just you wait and see.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/27 "2001-08-08T00:25:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > Blackclaw. I love you. Do you not find it strange that in some weird way, we knew each other before we were on the SDMB? > > Small internet, eh? > jarbaby \*\* I’m loved by a major personality on the SDMB? I never thought it possible! I am a swell guy aren’t I? Except I made two really rude posts today and I’ve been feeling guilty all day about them. We knew each other before the SDMB? I don’t remember that… I must have been hit by a memory steal microwave ray! Bummer. I hereby appoint Zebra as Minister of Vague Threats that will Never be Carried Out. Take care of those microwave ray bastards for me would ya? They stole my memories of Jarbabyj! ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/28 "2001-08-08T01:18:36Z")
**jarbaby** : that was fantastic. :: applauds :: Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/29 "2001-08-08T01:29:41Z")
Sure, sure, sure. You go ahead and sit there, thinking that you are the force behind the throne. Little does anyone know, except of course Cecil, that the _real_ power is wielded by us #straightdopers. Our shadow shadow government will eventually win out, simply because we operate in real time! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/30 "2001-08-08T06:56:47Z")
Well it’s about time I got some hot Asian action, even if it is just economical! I mean, really! (Oh, and, uh, I’d have had that report on your desk, but, um, I got, uh, distracted by, um, my new assistant, so I kicked him out the next morn… I mean, I fired him. Can I hire **Doobieous** instead? And make sure to put **matt\_mcl** in charge of Canada, m’kay? He deserves it after his failed coup.) Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/31 "2001-08-08T09:19:34Z")
I guess I’m the Barbarian within, instead of the Barbarian at the gates, that’s gonna bring this whole OWG down! I’ll start by pointing out the timecube guys are wrong. There are actually 23 hidden days in the single revolution of the world. \ ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/32 "2001-08-08T13:43:50Z")
[sub]hey you barbarian you watch out or you’ll get yours if you know what I mean and I think you do. [distant rolling thunder] [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/33 "2001-08-08T13:59:26Z")
My hat is off to you Jar-Jar. Super. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/34 "2001-08-08T14:09:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > \*\*My hat is off to you Jar-Jar. Super. \*\* Your HAT? I was hoping for your pants. Blackclaw, don’t you dispell ignorance on the chemtrail message board at [contrailconnection.com](http://contrailconnection.com)? I thought that was you. I was known as “Big City Skeptic” there, and was thoroughly trashed by the believers. I’m sorry that I left people out. Perhaps a second installment will come to me. The One World Government Episode Two: Attack of The Clones. \ anyway! Thanks all. jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Blackclaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e68b1a/32.png) [@Blackclaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackclaw)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/35 "2001-08-08T14:24:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > Blackclaw, don’t you dispell ignorance on the chemtrail message board at [contrailconnection.com](http://contrailconnection.com)? I thought that was you. I was known as “Big City Skeptic” there, and was thoroughly trashed by the believers. > > jarbaby \*\* Ah geeze, it’s true! Though you were far smarter than I, I actually continued to hang around in the foolish belief that at some point logic would penetrate their thick skulls. But I’ve learned my lesson, logic has no affect on the stupid nor the insane. Nothing to do now but hire a skywriter to draw x’s over all their houses… ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/36 "2001-08-08T14:29:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\* \*Manhattan gives Bill ‘a look’ and they both sit. \* > \*\* Woo hoo! I get to give ‘a look!’ Do you like pie? ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/37 "2001-08-08T14:39:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > Do you like pie? why yes, sir, I do like pie! Will you be delivering that to my bedroom or do I have to pick it up? jarbaby ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/38 "2001-08-08T16:39:40Z")
Um, I’d like to apply to be _giggle_ SDMB OWG intern…strictly for learning experience… _giggle_ ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/39 "2001-08-08T17:12:02Z")
Did someone order a large sheet of glass? Commencing launch procedures sir! \ Bombs away sir! \ ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2001, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329/40 "2001-08-08T18:02:59Z")
That’s it! I insist… nay, I DEMAND, that I be consulted on matters that I know about!:mad: Asia? Nope… despite almost 6 years of living here, I just don’t get it… Nerf football? Now, THAT I understand! N0 resolutions regarding Nerf football shall be passed without consulting ME! A vote? Me: AYE! Any others?😉 As for the other business of the cabal… [sup]an-cay ee-way iscuss-day at-they er-hay?[/sup] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-was-the-one-world-government/75329.md?page=3)