# If the SDMB were a reality TV show .....
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [November 24, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462 "2004-11-24T13:42:10Z")
**Posts on this page:** 19
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/1 "2004-11-24T13:42:10Z")
… what would it be like? Who would win? What would the prize be? Would the show get picked up by FOX or PBS?
---
### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/2 "2004-11-24T13:43:39Z")
> [@Tapioca Dextrin](#):
>
> Would the show get picked up by FOX or PBS?
Comedy Central, more like.
---
### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/3 "2004-11-24T15:32:34Z")
**Mullinator** should be the host – best damn commentary ever in the _Apprentice_ thread (and perspicacious on other shows as well).
I’m thinking one stunt should be writing posts that make people spit at their monitors – with points awarded for nature of the liquids involved, etc.
---
### Author:  [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/4 "2004-11-24T15:57:55Z")
I think I would be the celebrity stunt cast “cameo” during sweeps, preferably played by Kevin Smith (YUM!).
---
### Author:  [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/5 "2004-11-24T16:00:58Z")
> [@supervenusfreak](#):
>
> I think I would be the celebrity stunt cast “cameo” during sweeps, preferably played by Kevin Smith (YUM!).
Oops sorry! Misread the thread! Guess I would be the goofy guy who tries to charm his way through the show… 😃
---
### Author:  [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/6 "2004-11-24T16:06:03Z")
I’m sure the Network that would carry it would be fined for the “graphic nature” of some threads. And we’d see **lieu** ’s butt in the camera every week. I’d get voted off early - too cranky and not telegenic enough, although to know me is to love me. 🙂
---
### Author:  [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/7 "2004-11-24T16:49:37Z")
It’d be like MTV’s Spring Break – a few people being genuinely entertaining/funny , a few more people trying to be entertaining/funny but not really succeeding, and a few thousand people attempting to get noticed by doing conspicuously stupid things and shouting “Hi Opal!” at the cameras.
---
### Author:  [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/8 "2004-11-24T17:05:52Z")
I’d be the guy in the background that everyone ignores…until they realize that he’s managed to last so long because of his low profile.
---
### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/9 "2004-11-24T17:09:58Z")
It’s be Apprentice-style, natch, with people competing to be hired by Cecil as part of his SDSAB…
---
### Author:  [@TwoTrouts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwoTrouts)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/10 "2004-11-24T17:26:50Z")
Don’t you think that the Reality TV genre has just about run out of steam? What about a Variety Hour style format? The first 15 minutes could be given over to high tech productions of Classic Columns from the archives. The rest of the show would be “Tales From the Teeming Millions” with re-enactments of classic threads like: \*[The Horror of Blimps](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=160851&highlight=horror+blimps) \* or _Crotch_ _[Spiders](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=281043&highlight=Crotch+Spiders)_ or any number of goofy _[Cat](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=278615&highlight=boobs)_ threads. That might become a hit!
---
### Author:  [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/11 "2004-11-24T17:48:42Z")
> [@twickster](#):
>
> **Mullinator** should be the host – best damn commentary ever in the _Apprentice_ thread (and perspicacious on other shows as well).
>
> I’m thinking one stunt should be writing posts that make people spit at their monitors – with points awarded for nature of the liquids involved, etc.
Hey thanks. I accept only if I get to make fun of all of the idiotic things that take place. And groupies. Lots of groupies.
---
### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/12 "2004-11-24T17:56:49Z")
> [@Mullinator](#):
>
> Hey thanks. I accept only if I get to make fun of all of the idiotic things that take place. And groupies. Lots of groupies.
Think of the look on Phil’s face when Myrna (or was it Schmirna?) went after him – and be careful what you wish for. 😉
---
### Author:  [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/13 "2004-11-24T18:26:14Z")
Good point. The groupies will be pre-screened, although that usually doesn’t work out well on reality TV, so I suppose I’ll resign myself to one normal groupie, three groupies who see the sky as yellow, and handful that will choose to adorn my future grave with flowers every year on the anniversary of my first appearance on the show.
---
### Author:  [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)
#### Post date: [November 24, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/14 "2004-11-24T21:45:33Z")
> [@Tapioca Dextrin](#):
>
> If the SDMB were a reality TV show …
You mean it isn’t? Aren’t the “banned” = “voted off the island” type similarities noticed by all?
---
### Author:  [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2004, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/15 "2004-11-25T01:54:06Z")
> [@twickster](#):
>
> I’m thinking one stunt should be writing posts that make people spit at their monitors – with points awarded for nature of the liquids involved, etc.
I once had hot chocolate spurt out my nose because of a thread on this message board. Might have been one of lieu’s poop threads.
---
### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2004, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/16 "2004-11-25T13:01:01Z")
Hot chocolate … poop thread … is it just me, or … ?
---
### Author:  [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/17 "2004-11-25T13:45:35Z")
If one of the stunts involves separating the real members from the trolls, mush-for-brains, drama queens, and sock puppets… I ain’t playin.
---
### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2004, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/18 "2004-11-25T14:19:02Z")
> [@ftg](#):
>
> You mean it isn’t? Aren’t the “banned” = “voted off the island” type similarities noticed by all?
Each episode would have to be 10 hours long. 10 minutes for someone to be banned and 9 hours and 50 minutes of people whining about it.
---
### Author:  [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)
#### Post date: [November 25, 2004, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-sdmb-were-a-reality-tv-show/276462/19 "2004-11-25T14:20:00Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#):
>
> If one of the stunts involves separating the real members from the trolls, mush-for-brains, drama queens, and sock puppets… I ain’t playin.
Nah. **Lynn** ’s head of the panel of judges that determine who gets on the show in the first place. She decides who’s rockin’ and rollin’, and who’s sockin’ and trollin’. Then you and **Coldfire** hold down the bad ones while she beats 'em one by one with a stick.
(I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – it just ain’t a beating if you don’t use a stick.)