# If the Straight Dope had a theme song... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 16, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297 "2009-04-16T16:08:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wheelz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wheelz/32/5718_2.png) [@Wheelz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wheelz)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/1 "2009-04-16T16:08:24Z")
Sometimes when logging in to the Straight Dope, I’ll suddenly get an earworm of the beginning of the theme from the '80s TV show [_Square Pegs_](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083482/), but with the words changed to: \*Straight Dope, Straight Dope Straight, Straight Dope… \* Just wanted to share. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/2 "2009-04-16T16:12:53Z")
I’d go with the theme from Penn and Tellers “Bullshit”, though I think they are right more often than here. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/3 "2009-04-16T16:29:24Z")
Without giving it any thought, the first thing that popped into my head was the theme to “The Facts of Life.” Don’t know if it’s appropriate or relevant; it’s just the first thing that I thought of. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/4 "2009-04-16T17:02:20Z")
A Chicago blues band in a walking groove, playing a 12-bar blues with a 2-bar tag entitled _Fourteen Kay of Gee in an Eff Pee Dee._ ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/5 "2009-04-16T17:12:17Z")
Holy Moses in a handbasket! Is that Sarah Jessica? [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTdKh6vYTPE](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTdKh6vYTPE) don’t know how I missed that one. . . it must have been on during track practice. I vote for the first 64 seconds of this one [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwCRTFXN7nc](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwCRTFXN7nc) ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/6 "2009-04-16T17:28:19Z")
This is the theme to the Straight Dope the opening theme to the Straight Dope Cecil called me up and asked if I would write his theme song. It’s almost halfway finished How do you like it so far? This is the theme to the Straight Dope message board This is the theme to the Straight Dope the opening theme to the Straight Dope This is the song that you hear as you load the webpage We’re almost to the part of where I present a MIDI. Then we’ll read The Straight Dope message board! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/7 "2009-04-16T17:30:18Z")
My dark horse candidate: _(Sung to tune of theme from short-lived 1960s TV show [It’s About Time](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07pPtYb0z80))_ It’s the Straight Dope Written out plain By Cecil Adams and his king-size brain It’s the Straight Dope You’ll learn and laugh With Uncle Cecil and his helpful staff About all knowledge ancient and new… The Teeeeming Millions’ questions answered too What’s the mass of Jupiter? What words end in gry? What is 14 k of g…in an f p d? It’s the Straight Dope A message board too A million topics and a lively crew Together they fight ignorance Read them and you’ll see It’s taking longer than we thought But what the hell, it’s free _(funky bass clarinet ostinato passage)_ And nowww…it’s the Straight Dope _It’s the Straight Dope **It’s the Straight Dope IT’S THE STRAIGHT DOPE!**_ ---
**Author:** ![Lancelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cab0a1/32.png) [@Lancelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancelot)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/8 "2009-04-16T17:34:55Z")
Great work! Looks like you spent some time on that one! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/9 "2009-04-16T17:38:06Z")
Lunchtime. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/10 "2009-04-16T17:38:59Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > I’d go with the theme from Penn and Tellers “Bullshit”, though I think they are right more often than here. I’m sorry. They are right more often than here? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/11 "2009-04-16T17:54:48Z")
P&T are quite often right. But very seldom, if ever, are P&T here. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CallMeKate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3d9bf3/32.png) [@CallMeKate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CallMeKate)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/12 "2009-04-16T18:19:47Z")
… Mad World by Gary Jules… No words changed. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/13 "2009-04-16T18:24:35Z")
Dare to be Stupid, by Wierd Al. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/14 "2009-04-16T18:40:24Z")
Well, when we wrote a trivia question involving the Straight Dope, we accompanied it by playing Dope Nose, by Weezer. Here’s the question: #26 Realm: Building an International Community Subrealm: One Wiseassed Skeptic at a Time Question: What is the official collective term for the readers of Cecil Adams’ column “The Straight Dope”? Answer: “The Teeming Millions.” Song: “Dope Nose” by Weezer From this link: [The Questions!](http://wso.williams.edu/orgs/trivia/huge/questions.html) ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/15 "2009-04-16T19:07:06Z")
Maybe [this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk)? ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/16 "2009-04-16T19:57:25Z")
I don’t care anymore, this is my cite! Come up with your own cite or leave me alone! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/17 "2009-04-16T20:00:47Z")
With apologies to Supertramp… **The Logical Song [SD version]** When I was young, it seemed that life was so analogue, Real-world-based, all was library-bound, catalogued. And all the books in the stacks, well they’d be sitting so patiently, Noiselessly, low-tech-edly a-waiting me. But then they wired up the world to teach us how to be synergous, Networked and wireless, frictionless, time-zone-less. And they showed me a world where I could be so post-structural, Meta-, hyper-textual, digital. There are times when all the world’s asleep, The questions run too deep For such simulacra. Won’t you please, please feed the board’s hamsters, I need some more answers, Please give me what I seek. Now watch what you say Or they’ll be calling you a Straight Dope troll, Radical, fanatical, criminal. Won’t you stick with your name, we’d like to feel you’re an Acceptable, respectable, presentable, member original! [Hey-ya, take, take, take it away!] [sax solo] At night, when the USA’s asleep, The questions run too deep For such simulacra. Won’t you please, please do a Google search, Don’t leave me in the lurch, And cite some more data… ---
**Author:** ![mattomic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ec8ea/32.png) [@mattomic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mattomic)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/18 "2009-04-16T21:00:30Z")
Casting absentee vote for “The song that never ends”, composed by Lamb Chop et al. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/19 "2009-04-16T21:19:48Z")
My first thought was ‘The Ballad of the Green Berets’. I don’t know why. I think Thomas Dolby’s ‘Blinded Me With Science’ would be perfect. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2009, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297/20 "2009-04-16T23:32:54Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > A Chicago blues band in a walking groove, playing a 12-bar blues with a 2-bar tag entitled _Fourteen Kay of Gee in an Eff Pee Dee._ Thank you for making that something I can finally search for. I’m forever getting the letters out of order. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-straight-dope-had-a-theme-song/493297.md?page=2)