# If the USS Enterprise had been an actual military vessel... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 7, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479 "2015-07-07T15:02:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/1 "2015-07-07T15:02:22Z")
There wouldn’t have been whole families on board. The helmsman would repeat navigation changes. The high ranking officers wouldn’t leave on “away missions”. Are away missions even a real thing? Please continue. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/2 "2015-07-07T15:08:09Z")
> [@Nars\_Glinley](#): > > If the USS Enterprise had been an actual military vessel… Nitpick: She was - [twice](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28CV-6%29) [over](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28CVN-65%29). ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/3 "2015-07-07T15:37:43Z")
Given the forum, I assumed that the phrase “of the Star Trek universe” was understood. Also, I’d imagine that we’ve all seen “The Voyage Home”. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/4 "2015-07-07T15:42:44Z")
The captain would have his ass handed to him if he ever decided to intervene in a local matter without approval from his superiors. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/5 "2015-07-07T15:48:14Z")
A pseudo-military friend told me once Riker passed on being promoted to captain of another ship, they would never have considered promoting him again. ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/6 "2015-07-07T15:49:15Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > The captain would have his ass handed to him if he ever decided to intervene in a local matter without approval from his superiors. In fairness, the canon answer to this is that subspace communications are frequently too slow for the captain to check in with Starfleet, so they are granted a wide latitude in local areas. Much like sailing captains of the 1700s were given rather broad orders and expected to handle the details on their own. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/7 "2015-07-07T15:50:06Z")
The captain wouldn’t spend quite so much time asking his subordinates what he thought they should do (assuming Picard’s Enterprise, not Kirk’s). ---
**Author:** ![yellowjacketcoder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/4bbf92/32.png) [@yellowjacketcoder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowjacketcoder)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/8 "2015-07-07T15:50:33Z")
> [@Xema](#): > > Nitpick: She was - [twice](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28CV-6%29) [over](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/USS_Enterprise_%28CVN-65%29). I think you mean [eight times over](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_ships_of_the_United_States_Navy_named_Enterprise) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/9 "2015-07-07T15:51:59Z")
The weapons officer would have a chair. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/10 "2015-07-07T16:04:52Z")
It would take more than three or four hits from an enemy vessel before all systems started to fail. It would be equipped with circuit breakers so instrument panels wouldn’t belch sparks when damaged. It would have seat belts so people wouldn’t fall out of their chairs. There wouldn’t be so much unsecured shit lying around the medical lab and other places. There would be lots and lots of reserve dilithium crystals stored away. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/11 "2015-07-07T16:12:20Z")
Whackos like Barclay would never even get on board, thanks to competent psychological screening. Meddling pshrink/psocialworker-types would find themselves downrange whenever a phaser “accidentally” misfired. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/12 "2015-07-07T16:18:00Z")
Shipboard romances would be virtually nonexistent due to fear of sexual harassment reprimands. Ten-Forward would serve Navy coffee, milk, and Coca-Cola. None of this “prune juice” shit. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/13 "2015-07-07T16:19:40Z")
The Enterprise would quickly be destroyed in most firefights, as she always takes the first hit against supposedly technically equal opposition ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/14 "2015-07-07T16:20:40Z")
Dress uniforms wouldn’t look like dresses, and unitards would be banned. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/15 "2015-07-07T16:24:13Z")
There would be bathrooms (heads) and people would actually have to use one occasionally. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/16 "2015-07-07T16:26:35Z")
> [@Nars\_Glinley](#): > > There wouldn’t have been whole families on board. > > The helmsman would repeat navigation changes. > > The high ranking officers wouldn’t leave on “away missions”. Are away missions even a real thing? > > Please continue. From the episode I saw last week, apparently the crew wears white safety patrol sashes when they are at war. The warp core containment field would have redundant backups to avoid catastrophic anti-mater breaches whenever the ship hits space turbulence. I don’t know if they are called “away missions” in modern naval vernacular. But modern warships have helicopters and small boats to deploy sailors, Marines, special operations forces and other personnel on tasks related to boarding and inspecting ships, conducting tactical operations, rescue missions, resupply, maintenance, shore leave, and general Navy shit. It’s just that for a ship with thousands of crew aboard, these missions wouldn’t be performed by the same half dozen command officers every damn week. Seriously, what does the rest of the crew of the Enterprise do every time the entire command staff decides that they are now a Space SEAL team ? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/17 "2015-07-07T16:28:16Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > There would be bathrooms (heads) and people would actually have to use one occasionally. … And uniforms would be designed to facilitate this. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/18 "2015-07-07T16:30:29Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I don’t know if they are called “away missions” in modern naval vernacular. They were called “landing parties” in _ **TOS** _. One would assume that if the objective is to board another vessel, they would be “boarding parties.” ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/19 "2015-07-07T16:32:18Z")
Empaths and telepaths would be used to gather intelligence, not sort out personal problems. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2015, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479/20 "2015-07-07T16:38:59Z")
All vital systems would have at least triple redundancy, something that was obviously missing in all iterations of _ **Trek** _. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-the-uss-enterprise-had-been-an-actual-military-vessel/724479.md?page=2)