# If there were a Sexual Olympics...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [June 29, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665 "2001-06-29T23:19:59Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)
#### Post date: [June 29, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/1 "2001-06-29T23:19:59Z")
What events would you enter?
What events would you get a medal in? Bronze, Silver, or Gold? And why?
What events would you enter, even if you knew you had no chance of winning?
Are you your country’s champion in an event? Idolized by schoolchildren as a National Heroine/Hero?
* * *
My only event - **Orgasm Delivery Endurance Contest**
I delivered 52 to a lucky lady in less than 12 hours.
A shame I can’t train more…
---
### Author:  [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/2 "2001-06-30T01:03:41Z")
oh well… i guess put me in the “masturbatory race”, in both the ‘With’ and ‘Without’ porn devisions. i can get under thirty seconds with good porn… so maybe a silver. i havn’t practiced in the “no porn” devision, but it is best to diversify.
i might also try for the “number of times masturbated in a twelve hour period” competition. i bet i wouldn’t get a medal, though.
i hope they don’t let monkeys in the competition; some of those bastards can break three seconds for duration required, and some spider monkeys broke the 1000 barrier, acording to a researcher! that would be some stiff [sub](pun intended)[/sub] competition!
anyway…
i get no practice in _other_ events, so i am staying away from those competions.
[sub]i wonder if it will be televised… :D[/sub]
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### Author:  [@Joe\_Cool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joe_Cool)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/3 "2001-06-30T01:38:16Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Anthracite \*
> \*\*My only event - **Orgasm Delivery Endurance Contest**
>
> I delivered 52 to a lucky lady in less than 12 hours.\*\*
I think you started this thread just to brag! 😛
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### Author:  [@Grok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grok)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/4 "2001-06-30T01:41:43Z")
I don’t feel the need to compete. But I would like to volunteer to judge the (female!) blowjob competition.
God, I hope the German and Chinese teams don’t send the same girls that are on their swim teams…
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### Author:  [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/5 "2001-06-30T01:42:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Anthracite \*
> \*\*My only event - **Orgasm Delivery Endurance Contest**
>
> I delivered 52 to a lucky lady in less than 12 hours.
> \*\*
You delivered them? Sounds like you’re a cabbie who drove 52 different guys to her place so they could all get it on with her.
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### Author:  [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/6 "2001-06-30T02:13:53Z")
If I dive into training right now, I’m pretty sure I could win the Silver for the **Gag Reflex Suppression** team.
A few years ago I could have done well in the **cum shot put** , but as I creep into my late 30s it seems like I just can’t get the same distance I used to.
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### Author:  [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/7 "2001-06-30T02:18:45Z")
I don’t know if I’d win any medals in the pussy-eating event, but I’d have a big smile on my face when it was over.
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### Author:  [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/8 "2001-06-30T03:06:22Z")
I could definately medal in the phone sex competition.
I’ll go with Grok and volunteer to judge-he gets the fellatio and I get the cunnilingus 🙂
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### Author:  [@kniz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kniz)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/9 "2001-06-30T03:18:05Z")
Is no one going to pole vault?
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### Author:  [@snac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snac)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/10 "2001-06-30T03:45:31Z")
What would I enter?
I’d enter, um, anything.
Anything at all…as long as it had space for my, um, member…
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### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/11 "2001-06-30T04:06:14Z")
I would enter the Clitathalon.
That’s one event I would definitely suck at.
Oh, and it’s a long distance event, too. 😉
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### Author:  [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/12 "2001-06-30T04:14:24Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Dire Wolf \*
> \*\*I would enter the Clitathalon.
>
> That’s one event I would definitely suck at.
>
> Oh, and it’s a long distance event, too. 😉 \*\*
:: starts to speak ::
:: wisely decides to not say anything :: 😛 _cough_
Hmmm, as for me:
What about a Bondage Endurance contest?
Last to cry ‘mercy’ after being tied up and teased for hours wins gold.
Yeah, that would be my event 😃
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### Author:  [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/13 "2001-06-30T04:22:44Z")
MERCY!
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### Author:  [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/14 "2001-06-30T04:38:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Joe\_Cool \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \*
> > \*\*My only event - **Orgasm Delivery Endurance Contest**
> >
> > I delivered 52 to a lucky lady in less than 12 hours.\*\*
>
> I think you started this thread just to brag! 😛 \*\*
Good God Man! Who cares? Let 'er brag if she wants to. I for one could listen to that kind of bragging all day 😃
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### Author:  [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/15 "2001-06-30T05:36:13Z")
::waves hand wildly::
I volunteer to judge the Bondage Endurance too. 🙂
My qualifications? I have a vivid imagination,a wide range of toys and I’m very flexible.
Dire Wolf’s obviously out of the competition, I see.
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### Author:  [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/16 "2001-06-30T05:43:27Z")
Floor Exercise
followed by
Sychrononized Orgasms.
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### Author:  [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/17 "2001-06-30T07:23:34Z")
Sustained Erection without Orgasm
Why do I think that’d be the half-marathon of the Olympics? It isn’t good enough to be the marathon, but it’s too long for other people to try.
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### Author:  [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/18 "2001-06-30T07:45:44Z")
I guess I’d be a spectator. 😃
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### Author:  [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/19 "2001-06-30T09:35:12Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Weird\_AL\_Einstein \*
> \*\*
>
> > [@](#):
> >
> > \*Originally posted by Joe\_Cool \*
> > \*\*
> >
> > > [@](#):
> > >
> > > \*Originally posted by Anthracite \*
> > > **My only event - Orgasm Delivery Endurance Contest
> > > I delivered 52 to a lucky lady in less than 12 hours.**
> >
> > I think you started this thread just to brag! 😛 \*\*
>
> Good God Man! Who cares? Let 'er brag if she wants to. I for one could listen to that kind of bragging all day 😃
> \*\*
Amen! I think I’ll go build an Una-Altar in the backyard, right now!
Cough up some numbers, **mauvaise**. I think I already won that one. 😃
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### Author:  [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)
#### Post date: [June 30, 2001, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-there-were-a-sexual-olympics/70665/20 "2001-06-30T09:45:19Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Arden Ranger \*
> \*\*
> Amen! I think I’ll go build an Una-Altar in the backyard, right now!
>
> \*\*
“Una-Alter”? [Dopey look on face] Huh?
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