# If these poker stars had real jobs... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 19, 2006, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086 "2006-07-19T00:19:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Carnick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carnick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnick)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/1 "2006-07-19T00:19:51Z")
My friend and I were thinking of this the other day: If poker stars had to get real jobs, what would they be? (Sorry if I misspell some of the names, I’m too lazy to look all of them up.) Johnny Chan: travel agent Doyle Brunson: oil tycoon Todd Brunson: comic book guy Scotty Nguyen: amatuer porn director Gus Hansen: amatuer porn star Chris Moneymaker: girls’ soccer coach Paul Magriel: taxidermist Phil Gordon: math teacher Daniel Negreanu: waiter Kathy Leibert: gym teacher Freddy Deeb: bookie Cindy Violette: Hooters girl Phil Helmuth: tech support Mike Matusow: movie critic Dan Harrington: golf instructor Chris Ferguson: video game programmer Anyone else? ---
**Author:** ![DxZero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@DxZero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DxZero)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/2 "2006-07-19T00:24:22Z")
[QUOTE=Carnick] Chris Moneymaker: girls’ soccer coach [/QUOTE] _snort_ Phil Ivey: Hitman ---
**Author:** ![percussion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@percussion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/percussion)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/3 "2006-07-19T02:01:14Z")
hehe Scotty Nguyen = Asian Rick James impersonator I hear he does parties and barmitzfas! ---
**Author:** ![Number](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/number/32/242_2.png) [@Number](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Number)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/4 "2006-07-19T04:23:22Z")
Chris Bigler: pimp Barry Greenstein: Starfleet science officer ---
**Author:** ![Opus1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/858c86/32.png) [@Opus1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Opus1)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/5 "2006-07-19T05:14:29Z")
[QUOTE=Carnick] Phil Helmuth: tech support [/QUOTE] Maybe for 15 minutes. “Here I am, doing the best tech support of my life, and this donkey’s asking me where the ‘any’ key is. You idiots don’t even know how to spell computer.” How about college basketball coach? He could give Bobby Knight a run for his money any time. ---
**Author:** ![Mayo\_Speaks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c57346/32.png) [@Mayo\_Speaks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mayo_Speaks)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/6 "2006-07-19T06:20:21Z")
[QUOTE=Carnick] Todd Brunson: comic book guy [/QUOTE] I couldn’t agree more whole-heartedly. **Sammy Farha** : Editor, Cigar Afficionado magazine **Doyle Brunson** : Professional blackjack player and/or coach of the LA Lakers **Greg Raymer** : Paleontologist **Tony G** : Annoying talk show host **Shannon Elizabeth** : “Actress” **Ben Affleck** : Guy riding Matt Damon’s coattails **Howard Lederer** : Professor (duh) \*\*Barry Greenstein \*\*and **Erik Seidel** : Partners in crime \*\*Aaron Kanter \*\*(remember him?): Professional Powerball ticket buyer **Phil Gordon** : Host of “Celebrity Poker Showdown” only on Bravo! **Johnny Moss** : He’d still be dead, I suppose. **Teddy KGB** : Heading up the Bureau of Horrible Accents. Mayo ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/7 "2006-07-19T12:13:23Z")
Barry Greenstein: Count Chocula lookalike at supermarket openings Gavin Smith: professional Kathy Liebert impersonator Kathy Liebert: professional Gavin Smith impersonator Marcel Luske: singing coach Amir Vahedi: international arms trader ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/8 "2006-07-19T12:25:57Z")
Not really true to the topic, but I’ll say we once had a poker star working for us. I honestly don’t recall the name, but the reason he was working for us was because his wife made him. She never knew he played professional poker - he lied and said he worked for a major bank, had a different account that deposited pay every 2 weeks into the shared account, and said he just took a lot of “business trips”. Then, one day, she saw him on a live televised tournament on cable. She called his cell, and saw him look down at his cell to check who it was - all on live TV - and turn the phone off. As the story goes, she made him quit as she disapproved and was shocked that he lied to her. He came to work for us at nine bucks an hour doing customer service inbound calls. He lasted a few months when he quit to rejoin the poker circuit. I’m not sure what he told his wife. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/9 "2006-07-19T21:17:18Z")
[quote] Cell phones are allowed at live-televised poker tournaments? Don’t they usually show the TV audience what everyone is holding? What would have stopped her from texting him “The other guy’s got a 7 and a 5”? ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/10 "2006-07-19T21:23:12Z")
I bet there’s a production delay, I can’t imagine that info going out on the airwaves real time. Not sure how that jibes with the story about the guy and his cell phone, and I might be all wet, but that seems like it would open up a huge liability. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/11 "2006-07-19T22:32:39Z")
David Williams: Professional Magic player. Wait… ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/12 "2006-07-20T00:02:03Z")
Gabe Kaplan: Actor, or teacher. Take your pick. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2006, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-these-poker-stars-had-real-jobs/365086/13 "2006-07-20T13:16:20Z")
[QUOTE=Chronos] Cell phones are allowed at live-televised poker tournaments? Don’t they usually show the TV audience what everyone is holding? What would have stopped her from texting him “The other guy’s got a 7 and a 5”? [/QUOTE] There have been very few live televised poker tournaments in the US. The only one I recall OTTOMH was on FSN and the commentators made a very large deal over how players were carefully searched for any sort of electronic devices to prevent cheating. So that story is rather fishy. Whether it’s **fluiddruid** or the alleged “poker pro” who’s the fish I don’t know.