# If Trump dies before the election - Cause of death? Obituary? **URL:** \ **Category:** Politics & Elections\ **Created:** [October 7, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863 "2016-10-07T16:24:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anny\_Middon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Anny\_Middon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anny_Middon)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/1 "2016-10-07T16:24:17Z")
Someone recently posted a link to Snopes debunking a rumor that Trump had died. That got me thinking about what would happen if he died before the election. No, not what would happen with the election - we’ve discussed that already. But I got thinking about a couple of other things: 1. Given that Trump supporters include way more than their share of batshit crazy conspiracy theorists, what cause of death would minimize the inevitable “he was killed by Hillary or her minions” rumors? A natural cause like a heart attack, embolism or stroke would be rumored to be a poisoning, perpetrated and covered up by Hillary’s people. Melania or one of his kids could shoot him in front of a camera, and there would be allegations that the footage was faked, or that mind control was somehow used. The best I could come up with that he was giving a press conference at one of his hotels when there was an earthquake that brought down a balcony that crushed him. I figure earthquake because of the unpredictability factor, and at one of his hotels so that shoddy workmanship would be less of an issue. What’s your best idea of ways the SOB could die that minimize the conspiracy theory rumors? 1. OK, he’s dead. The press is going to have to eulogize him. Forget the right-wing publications that already pretty much deify the guy. What would papers like the New York Times or the Washington Post say? The election hasn’t happened yet, so they can’t proclaim national mourning for the President-elect \, nor can they talk about his valiant but failed run at the White House. And whatever they say has to be positive - there’s a long standing tradition that in these cases you don’t speak ill of the dead. The conservative press will doubtless refer to him as “a great statesman” and “the phenomenally successful businessman,” but the more liberal publications will I think damn him with faint praise. So try your hand at writing his obit. My first try: > [@](#): > > One of America’s most colorful personalities, and the Republican Party nominee for President has died. > > Prior to his entry into the 2016 campaign, Mr. Trump was perhaps best known as a pop culture icon. His television show, The Apprentice, put the phrase “you’re fired” into America’s lexicon. OK, that’s as far as I’ve gotten. ---
**Author:** ![Chisquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6bbea6/32.png) [@Chisquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chisquirrel)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/2 "2016-10-07T16:33:08Z")
“Donald J Trump has died when one of his hotels collapsed while he was inside, due to a X.Y rating earthquake.” Treat it like a very basic news story. A little blurb on the front page, maybe even above the fold, with who/what/where/when. Leave the rest out. As Mama always said, if you have nothing nice to say… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/3 "2016-10-07T16:58:49Z")
New York Post headline: **GOD TO TRUMP: YOU’RE FIRED!** ---
**Author:** ![AndrewL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@AndrewL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndrewL)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/4 "2016-10-07T17:03:32Z")
Trump assassinated by secret democrat earthquake machine! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/5 "2016-10-07T17:08:53Z")
> [@Anny\_Middon](#): > > The best I could come up with that he was giving a press conference at one of his hotels when there was an earthquake that brought down a balcony that crushed him. I figure earthquake because of the unpredictability factor, and at one of his hotels so that shoddy workmanship would be less of an issue. Nope. Drudge and Limbaugh have already assured us the Hurricanes are a liberal hoax. I’m sure they could get millions of people to believe that Clinton simply used her Earthquake generator machine to kill him. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/6 "2016-10-07T17:14:41Z")
He got nuked from orbit; it was the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/7 "2016-10-07T17:19:35Z")
“Like his wealth, business acumen and policy knowledge, Mr. Trump’s health appears to have been overstated” ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/8 "2016-10-07T17:25:56Z")
If he dies before the election it’ll be because Hillary had him assassinated. The Hillary shilling news will run the headline, “Trump committed suicide by shooting himself ten times in the head and then afterward he cut off his own head.” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/9 "2016-10-07T17:30:22Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > New York Post headline: **GOD TO TRUMP: YOU’RE FIRED!** As far as I am concerned, you win the thread, Sir! ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/10 "2016-10-07T17:35:00Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > If he dies before the election it’ll be because Hillary had him assassinated. The Hillary shilling news will run the headline, “Trump committed suicide by shooting himself ten times in the head and then afterward he cut off his own head.” It’s because she’s really a shape-shifting lizard person, who controls the world’s press through mind control, right? ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/11 "2016-10-07T17:43:01Z")
Cause of death should be public Darwinesque accidental suicide. Something like Trump trying to body surf off the stage at one of his rally’s and accidentally impaling himself on a anti Hillary sign, or casting himself off the Trump tower after proclaiming the firm belief that he is god and can fly. As far as the obituary goes, I don’t know about the Times, but the Washington Post doesn’t feel any shame in saying bad things about the dead. So I suspect that it will portray is life and influence factually, warts and all. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2016, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-trump-dies-before-the-election-cause-of-death-obituary/767863/12 "2016-10-07T17:47:42Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > “then afterward he cut off his own head.” I do hope someone remembers that, and the stake and garlic.