# If TV Shows and Movies Had Honest Titles **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 22, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926 "2003-08-22T14:38:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/1 "2003-08-22T14:38:24Z")
In another thread, I opined that “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” should just be called “Let’s Perpetrate Some Stereotypes!” since the show really is just about exploiting the stereotype of gay men, using a positive part of the stereotype so they can get away with it. I figure next they’ll have “When Black Guys Jump.” On FOX, of course. But then I thought … what if EVERY show had a really honest title that just told you straight up what it was about? Wouldn’t that be great? Here’s some ideas, go ahead and add yours: **The O.C.** becomes _Check Out The Boobies On These Teenagers In Bikinis and Underwear_ **Survivor** becomes _Now, Check Out The Gazongas On These Twentysomethings_ **Boston Public** becomes _Let’s Do Every `Very Special Episode’ In TV History_ Or movies: **The Matrix** becomes _Hey Computer Geeks, We Made A Movie About Your Wet Dreams_ Have at it! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/2 "2003-08-22T15:17:29Z")
**Smallville** becomes Another WB Teen Soap Opera Only With Special Effects ---
**Author:** ![greck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ab992/32.png) [@greck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/greck)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/3 "2003-08-22T15:20:21Z")
Well, let’s face it, the names “hunk of crap” “contrived hunk of crap” “the same crap as the last movie” “the same crap as the last move 2” “chickflick” “son of chickflick” “son of chickflick 2” “chick flick X” and “citizen kane” would pretty much cover it. ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/4 "2003-08-22T15:30:37Z")
**NASCAR on NBC** -\> Commercials interrupted occasionally by racing. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/5 "2003-08-22T15:36:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bruce\_Daddy \* > \*\ ***NASCAR on NBC** -\> Commercials interrupted occasionally by racing. \*\* Why specify racing? **Sports on network television** -\> Commericals interrupted occasionally by sports. Likewise: **Movies on network television** -\> Heavily edited films interrupted by progressively longer commercial breaks, until you can’t actually remember what it is you’re watching. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/6 "2003-08-22T15:39:46Z")
Must see TV --\> Must go online and check the Dope _Enterprise_ --\> _Captain Underpants and Randy the Randy Panda_ ---
**Author:** ![smam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/46a35a/32.png) [@smam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smam)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/7 "2003-08-22T16:15:41Z")
**Knight-Rider** would be called - **Fat hairy man in sunglasses sits in car while the car solves crime** ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/8 "2003-08-22T16:32:43Z")
**Seinfeld** & **Friends** : The New York We Wished Existed. ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/9 "2003-08-22T16:34:57Z")
**American Idol:** The High Profit-Margin Hour. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/10 "2003-08-22T16:54:34Z")
“The Honeymooners” would be “Isn’t Abject Poverty & Spousal Abuse Hilarious?” “The Brady Bunch” would have to be called “WASP/ Aryan Supremacist Ideal of the Nuclear Family With Creepy Incestual Overtones.” “Welcome Back Kotter” becomes “Inner City Slum School Watered Down and Depicted Humourously for Middle Class Tastes.” “Dallas” becomes “the Let’s-All-Pretend-We’re-Morally-Superior-to-Mega-Rich Folks-While-Enviously-Ogling-Their-Lifestyle Hour.” “Melrose Place” becomes “The Idiotic Trashy Lives of Pretty L.A. People.” ---
**Author:** ![Bruce\_Daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Bruce\_Daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bruce_Daddy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/11 "2003-08-22T17:19:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\*Why specify racing? > > **Sports on network television** -\> Commericals interrupted occasionally by sports. > > Likewise: > > **Movies on network television** -\> Heavily edited films interrupted by progressively longer commercial breaks, until you can’t actually remember what it is you’re watching. \*\* It’s so bad somebody [documents](http://www.motorsportstv.com/trackcast_current.htm) it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/12 "2003-08-22T17:23:57Z")
“DIFFERENT STROKES” becomes “POOR INNERCITY BLACK KIDS WHOSE ONLY CHANCE FOR SUCCESS IF LIVING IN UPPER CLASS WHITE HOUSEHOLD” “Survivor”- should be “Can you survive watching this contrived piece of shit?” ---
**Author:** ![jellen92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@jellen92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellen92)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/13 "2003-08-22T17:30:33Z")
“Golden Girls” - Four Old Farts making the Best of their Twilight Years ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/14 "2003-08-22T17:33:46Z")
**Big Brother** - \> Smite your choice of fame-starved losers, for only a few pennies a call. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/15 "2003-08-22T19:50:02Z")
**Joe Millionare** -\> Women _are_ Superficial Golddiggers **Fox News** -\> Live from Republican Party Headquarters **I Dream of Jeannie** -\> Prime-time Kinky Erotica and my personal fanboy indulgance: **Transformers: Armada** -\> Transformers: Pokemon ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/16 "2003-08-22T19:55:03Z")
“24” becomes “Hey, I remember that guy! Keith something, right?” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/17 "2003-08-22T20:36:19Z")
ON Stage: \*\* Dance of the Vampire \*\* becomes \*\* Michael Crawford sucks \*\*. Hardly original, I know. \*\* Rent \*\* becomes \*\* The Show that is Profitable only in New York City and Only Because The Writer Jonathan Larson Died as a Result of Bad New York City Hospitals Before the Show Opened \*\*. \*\* Mamma Mia! \*\* becomes \*\* ABBA: Now and Forever \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/18 "2003-08-22T20:48:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*\*\* Rent \*\* becomes \*\* The Show that is Profitable only in New York City and Only Because The Writer Jonathan Larson Died as a Result of Bad New York City Hospitals Before the Show Opened **.** \*\* I thought **Rent** was **_La Boheme_ - Now With 50% Less Quality!** **Baywatch** -\> **The Show With More Breasts Than Frank Perdue** or **Beach? What beach? My God, Look at the _Tits_!** ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/19 "2003-08-22T20:55:20Z")
_Everybody Loves Raymond…Except For His Parents_ ---
**Author:** ![Jenny\_Haniver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Jenny\_Haniver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenny_Haniver)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/20 "2003-08-22T21:00:27Z")
**Buffy the Vampire Slayer** becomes **SPIKE the Vampire Slayer Layer, Featuring Buffy the Obnoxious Speech-Giver** **Smallville** becomes the WB’s official **Lana is Pretty! AND HER PARENTS DIED!** weekly tribute, shown thrice weekly **Gilmore Girls** becomes **Random Stars Hollow Townie of the Week** occasionaly pre-empted by the **Rory Gilmore - Ain’t She Perfect** show. **Angel** becomes \*\*SPIKE!..and Angel \*\* (Yes, I get a little bitter when secondary characters take over.) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926.md?page=2)