# If TV Shows and Movies Had Honest Titles **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 22, 2003, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926 "2003-08-22T14:38:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/41 "2003-08-23T22:46:54Z")
Will & Grace becomes “Asexual Boy Meets Boy- but doesn’t do anything- because he’s Asexual- with special guest stars Gene Wilder and Harry Connick” Chris Rock show becomes The “If a loud black guy says it with lots of profanity, it must be funny!” Show Dennis Miller Show becomes “The With Obscure References and a Smirk You Don’t Need People Skills or Actual Knowledge” Variety Show INSIDE THE ACTORS STUDIO becomes “Oh, God, I Wish I Was You Instead of a Nerdy Never-Was Pedagogue: the Series” (or “The More Sucking Up and Ass Licking Per Hour Than You’ll Find in a Thousand Porn Films Interview Show”). ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/42 "2003-08-24T00:12:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pokey \* > \*\* **Late Nite with David Letterman** should be called “Maybe This Will Be The Night I Finally Just Make “Monty” Wear A Dog Collar And Beg “Daddy” For Sex So I Can Ask Her If She Loves It And Wait For Her To Deadpan: ‘No’ And ‘Because You Made Me!’ For The Ultimate Punchline To My Increasingly Creepy Schtick” \*\* Whew! I’m not the only person who noticed this. Still, she’s kinda hot. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/43 "2003-08-24T01:26:11Z")
TV Shows: Friends - The Thirty Minute Thirty-Something Whine-A-Thon Will & Grace - Two 'Mos and a Girl Fastlane - Fast and The Furious: The Series Survivor, Joe Millionare, any reality show - Psychotic Pretty People with Nothing Else Going On in Their Lives The X-Files - How My Partner and I Wasted Milliones of US Tax Dollars The Osbournes - The Aging Rock God Turned Laughing Stock Show ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/44 "2003-08-24T09:47:26Z")
**Quincy** -\> Soapbox of the Week ---
**Author:** ![Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c67d28/32.png) [@Weird\_AL\_Einstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weird_AL_Einstein)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/45 "2003-08-24T12:17:04Z")
**Xena:Warrior Princess** - Endless Lesbian Subtext That Never Gets Resolved and Sword Battles Where No One Ever Gets Killed Or Even Cut Enough To Bleed Even Just A Little Bit ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/46 "2003-08-24T16:42:56Z")
_Insomniac_-Drunks of America ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/47 "2003-08-24T16:50:44Z")
Honest titties. Any TV show or movie could use some honest titties. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/48 "2003-08-24T17:46:05Z")
American Chopper: “You Think YOUR Father is a Bossy Jerk, Look at THIS Guy!” ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2003, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/49 "2003-08-24T18:18:38Z")
**Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone** becomes “Three wizard kids break school rules to try and defeat Hitler-like psychotic.” **Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets** : “Three wizard kids break school rules to try and defeat Hitler-like psychotic. With a special appearance by a Jar Jar-type character thrown in for comic relief.” ---
**Author:** ![Live\_Better\_Electrically](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/46a35a/32.png) [@Live\_Better\_Electrically](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Live_Better_Electrically)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/50 "2003-08-25T00:24:55Z")
**Speed 2** : This Time, It’s a Boat. **Mouse Hunt** : Poop and Vomit for Kids. **Mulholland Dr.** : Stay Tuned for Hot Lesbian Sex Scene. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/51 "2003-08-25T00:46:32Z")
**American Pie I-III** : Because You’re Too Young To Remember _Porky’s_. ---
**Author:** ![Torgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Torgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/52 "2003-08-25T01:05:56Z")
The Larry Sanders Show: **Doesn’t Hold Up in Syndication** It’s Gary Shandling’s Show: **Better than Larry Sanders** Maternity Ward: **C-Sections Caught on Tape!** Ask This Old House: **I Just Bought A $500,000 Townhome and I Can’t Deal with a Running Toilet** King of Queens: **Ass-licious Hottie Marries Overweight White Man** The Mary Tyler Moore Show: **Fear of Committment Drives Woman to Move to Minneapolis** Will and Grace: **Fear of Committment Drives Woman to Cling to New York’s Only Celibate Gay Man** ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/53 "2003-08-25T18:06:38Z")
_Battlefield Earth_ becomes _A Collosal Waste of Money, Film and Other Precious Resources_. Other possible titles: [ul] [li]_Things the Y2K Experts Didn’t Tell Us Would Happen in the Year 2000_ (referring to the movie’s release, not the events in the movie).[/li][li]_John Travolta’s Pet Project_[/li][li]_The World Viewed at a 15-Degree Tilt_[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/54 "2003-08-25T18:16:49Z")
\>\>\>_Virtually Any Sitcom’s Name Here_\<\<\< becomes _Recycled “I Love Lucy” Plots_. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/55 "2003-08-25T18:55:31Z")
**Andromeda** becomes _Hercules in Space_. **Enterprise** becomes _A new group of actors recycle the same material we’ve already presented in three other shows_. **Any sitcom ever made** becomes _Hillarity ensues when people misunderstand each other and go to great lengths to avoid a simple clarification that would avoid all this crap_. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/56 "2003-08-26T00:06:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chimera \* > \*\*… **Any sitcom ever made** becomes _Hillarity ensues when people misunderstand each other and go to great lengths to avoid a simple clarification that would avoid all this crap_. \*\* **Chimera** , you are, officially, “the Man.” Kudos, sir. Kudos! ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/57 "2003-08-26T06:12:19Z")
Star Trek: Voyager becomes “Hot Borg in Catsuit” ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/58 "2003-08-26T12:08:36Z")
**Snooooopy** - loved the CSI titles - hilarious. Now here are some of mine: **I Love the 70’s** = “God, are ratings su…what? Someone actually watched I Love the '80’s!!!” **Alias** - “The Adventures of the New Sporty Spice” or “Excuses to See the Amazingly Hot Jennifer Garner Kicking Ass in Kinky Outfits” **24** - “A Paper-thin Plot, A Real Man, and Kim Running” ---
**Author:** ![refusal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ac91a4/32.png) [@refusal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/refusal)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2003, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/59 "2003-08-26T20:28:44Z")
Friends -\> Contractually Obligated Business Partners Ironside -\> Liberals on Wheels The A Team -\> The Improbable Acquaintances have Improbable Adventures Involving Improbable Inventions, Probably Will and Grace -\> Jack and Karen My So-Called Life -\> The Ricky and Rayanne Show 24 -\> 18ish Not Counting Commercial Breaks La Femme Nikita -\> Huh? Pretty Girl! Huh? Lexx -\> Sexx ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926/60 "2003-09-21T12:59:46Z")
The Blair Witch Project -\> If You’re Gullible Enough To Have Believed Our Website… The Hulk -\> Heh…We Sorta Forgot To Include A Plot. Dude, Where’s My Car? -\> Well, What Did You Expect—A Taut Psychological Thriller Or Something? Someone Like You -\> Hugh Jackman Takes His Shirt Off A Lot. House Of 1000 Corpses -\> Just Cover Your Eyes And Then Tell Your Friends You Were Laughing The Whole Time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-tv-shows-and-movies-had-honest-titles/196926.md?page=2)