# If vegetarians were zombies... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 31, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078 "2000-10-31T14:56:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/1 "2000-10-31T14:56:35Z")
Inspired by [http://www.reallifecomics.com/](http://www.reallifecomics.com/) for Samhain. 1. There would be famines because of zombies not locusts. …Your turn HUGS! Sqrl ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/2 "2000-10-31T15:06:17Z")
California’s new nickname would be the State of the Living Dead ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/3 "2000-10-31T15:06:39Z")
Well, they’re not going to eat you, so there is no reason to fear them. Get rid of them with pesticide. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/4 "2000-10-31T17:47:04Z")
Regular zombies want to eat human brains. What do vegetarian zombies lust after, cauliflower? Oh, I have to add to the list…ermmm… 1. Because pumpkins would be quickly devoured, we’d have to carve jack o’ lanterns out of butt steak. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/5 "2000-10-31T18:56:05Z")
. . .we would load shotgun shells with cracked corn to disperse them. . . .they would compete with ducks for waterholes. . . .they wouldn’t rot, they’d mold. . . .there would be a lot more of them than people expect. . . .they’d be skinny. Actually, that’s not always true. I’m a vegetarian for 10+ years, and I’m definately not skinny. When people find out I’m a vegetarian, they always ask ‘For how long?’ I make them guess. Usually they guess 3 months. I’m 6’3", 315lbs. (or so) Hard to find scales that go over 300 lbs. ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/6 "2000-10-31T18:59:36Z")
… **Peta Tsunami** would be their queen. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/7 "2000-10-31T19:16:48Z")
They’d stumble around moaning “Greens! Greens!” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/8 "2000-10-31T21:37:21Z")
The wearing of fig leaves over sensitive areas would skyrocket. Wes Craven would make a movie of the spectacle, proving that you _can_ sqeeze blood from a turnip. Farmers would irrigate their crops with chicken broth. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/9 "2000-10-31T21:55:23Z")
We could look forward to “The Zombie’s Guide To Vegetarian Cooking.” ---
**Author:** ![elelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@elelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elelle)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2000, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/10 "2000-10-31T23:20:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lurkernomore \* > \*\*California’s new nickname would be the State of the Living Dead \*\* Umm, I believe that’s already taken by Florida. ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2000, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/11 "2000-11-01T15:16:13Z")
The comic that I posted earlier on Halloween had the zombies crying for “Grains, Grains.” They fed it a loaf of bread to make it go away. 🙂 HUGS! Sqrl ---
**Author:** ![Peta\_Tzunami](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b487fb/32.png) [@Peta\_Tzunami](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peta_Tzunami)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-vegetarians-were-zombies/39078/12 "2000-11-02T01:41:43Z")
Okay, if y’all are gonna miss the obvious ones, I guess I’ll have to succumb… We would …rip **heads** of cabbage right out of the patch …devour **heads** of lettuce …suck the **eyes** out of potatoes …slurp **black-eyed** peas straight from the pot …nibble on **ears** of corn …yank the still beating **hearts** of palm and celery outta, outta…um…okay off the grocer’s shelves …and naw on artichoke **hearts** (dipped in a light vinegarette) …terrorize human **beans** instead of human beings And Chief, **FUNGI** you! 😛