# If we named our children like Puritans. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 1, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098 "2003-01-01T22:07:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/1 "2003-01-01T22:07:29Z")
You’ve got to hand it to the Puritans. They gave their kids some kick-ass names: Prudence, Patience, Flee-Fornication, Steadfast-on-High, etc. If physics geeks named their kids like Puritans: Conservation-Of-Mass Continuity Equivalence-Principle Divergence Vis-viva Zeroth-Law-Of-Thermodynamics I also think Inertia would be a beautiful name for a girl. You know you want to name your kid like a Puritan! ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/2 "2003-01-01T22:10:43Z")
Some “real world” ones: Flatulence Nudity Disparity Grievance Enmity ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/3 "2003-01-01T23:00:03Z")
Here’s my daughter-name pick: Fluvial Morphology ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/4 "2003-01-01T23:47:47Z")
My favorite Puritan name of all time: If-Christ-Had-Not-Died-Thou-Wouldst-Have-Been-Damned Barebones, father of Praise-God Barebones. Modern Puritan names that kind of grab me: Flee-From-Polyester Smith Eschew-Cholesterol Smith Always-Recycle Smith Is-This-Lettuce-Organic Smith ---
**Author:** ![king\_of\_spain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@king\_of\_spain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/king_of_spain)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/5 "2003-01-01T23:59:50Z")
Huh, I’d heard that ICHNDTWHBD was Praise-God’s brother. (And don’t forget the other brothers, Fear-God and Jesus-Christ-Came-Into-The-World-To-Save.) I’m also told that people actually called him “Dr. Damned.” Apparently he wasn’t very popular. ---
**Author:** ![Lissa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lissa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissa)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/6 "2003-01-02T00:10:31Z")
Yes, I think you’re right, \*\* king of spain \*\*. I was mistaken. I think the last name of “Barebones” is what really turns it into a rib-tickler. Unfortunately, you just don’t see those last names around much, these days. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/7 "2003-01-02T01:07:34Z")
[These](http://www.irmi.com/expert/articles/klein002.asp) [sources](http://www.hn07.dial.pipex.com/zurich.htm) (neither of which exactly exudes credibilty) say that Praise-God Barebone named his son Hath Christ Not Died For Thee Thou Wouldst Be Damned Barebone. Hath Christ Not Died (yeah, we’re on a first-four-names basis) changed his name to Nicholas Barbon. [This source](http://www.la.utexas.edu/research/poltheory/hume/histeng/histeng.c61.n07.html) says brother, and names him as _If_ Jesus Had Not Died For Thee &c. and [this source](http://www.wayoflife.org/articles/dip11.htm) concurs, noting another brother, Christ Came Into The World To Save. So the account seems somewhat confused. 🙂 I love the other suggestions, too, Enmity & Always-Recylce especially. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/8 "2003-01-02T01:58:11Z")
My husband wants to name our (hypothetical) daughter Impunity. ---
**Author:** ![Juniper200](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@Juniper200](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Juniper200)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/9 "2003-01-02T02:39:32Z")
I always thought Audacity would be a nice name for a girl. ---
**Author:** ![Theobroma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5a626/32.png) [@Theobroma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theobroma)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/10 "2003-01-02T02:39:38Z")
Yeah, **Podkayne** , I like “Continuity”…it sounds like a real Puritan moniker! How about: Entropy Fellowes (good name for my kid!) Conservation-of-Momentum Smyth Temperance-in-the-Face-of-Idiocy-on-the-SDMB Jones … ---
**Author:** ![Cessandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cessandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cessandra)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/11 "2003-01-02T02:46:14Z")
For web developers: Cross-Platform-Compatibility Potter (my fave) Constant-Uptime Potter Daily-Backup Potter Reliable-Bandwidth Potter ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/12 "2003-01-02T03:24:09Z")
Fully-Licensed-and-Registered-Software Gates. ---
**Author:** ![Nichol\_storm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Nichol\_storm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nichol_storm)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/13 "2003-01-02T04:07:33Z")
For the history geeks… Tensixtysix Smith Rise-and-fall-of-the-Roman-Empire Smith Wars-of-the-Roses Smith Black Death Smith .:Nichol:. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/14 "2003-01-02T04:19:35Z")
For those of us in the newspaper profession Cutline Smith Double Truck Turner Pica Pole Potter Running Head Rodgers Stop-the-Presses Patterson ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/15 "2003-01-02T04:53:19Z")
Empirically-Validated-Treatment Tell-Me-About-Your-Mother Standard-Deviation You-Are-Getting-Sleepy Praise-God-For-Haldol May-I-See-Your-Insurance-Card Empathy ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/16 "2003-01-02T05:00:54Z")
And from my past life in radio Dead Air Dawkins Segue Smith Live Remote Linerud Backtime Bennett Plus-Tax-And-Recappable-Tires Peterson Barn-burning-blowout-sale Benton Oldie-Moldie-Golden-Gasser O’Reilly Twin-Spin Thompson Screamin’-Yellin’-Foamin’-at-the-Mouth-Rock-n-Roll Jones ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/17 "2003-01-02T06:08:30Z")
Do-Not-Feed-The-Troll Jones ROFLMAO Smith ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/18 "2003-01-02T06:09:03Z")
Preposition Smith Adjective Smith The-Proper-Possessive-Form-Of-Its-Does-Not-Have-An-Apostrophe-Dammit Smith And for **Gunslinger** ’s side, we could have Flashbulb Smith Aperture Smith I was beat to Cutline. ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/19 "2003-01-02T18:12:28Z")
**The-Proper-Possessive-Form-Of-Its-Does-Not-Have-An-Apostrophe-Dammit Smith** _LOL_ If little Inertia has a brother, this is the name! ---
**Author:** ![jane\_says](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jane\_says](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jane_says)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098/20 "2003-01-02T20:52:46Z")
Nothing to add, really; just wanted to give the OP props for recognizing a _kick-ass_ name when they hear one. I have **Prudence** who’s four, and she is the most kick-ass baby on earth. 😉 ----Jane, who doesn’t brag about her kids much, so let it silde this once… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-we-named-our-children-like-puritans/146098.md?page=2)