# If you are a male who thinks rape is about sex, not power **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212 "2009-10-09T17:51:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![MissIntent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/97f17d/32.png) [@MissIntent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissIntent)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/1 "2009-10-09T17:51:50Z")
Do you fantasize about raping women? Would you rape a woman if you wouldn’t get in trouble for it? Only at those men who argue that rape is about sex, not about power or dominance. If you believe that, what stops you from doing it, since you consider it to be a part of sex? This is inspired from the pit thread about a fat patient waiting to get blood drawn, a poster in there implied that people are ignorant if they think rape is about power, not sex. So to him and any others that support that view, what stops you then? Are you just not man enough for it, since you believe it’s just another sex act? And I’m starting this in the pit because I’m sure it’d end up here sooner than later. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/2 "2009-10-09T18:00:06Z")
Well, this thread sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/3 "2009-10-09T18:01:59Z")
I don’t think the people who say that “rape is about sex, not about power or dominance” believe rape “is just another sex act.” Rape is extremely violative and disrespectful of the rights of the victim, whether what’s motivating it is sex or power. Saying, “Rape is about sex” isn’t excusing it. Look at it this way. Theft is about money. People steal for material gain. That doesn’t mean it’s right to do, or it’s an equally valid way of making money. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/4 "2009-10-09T18:05:34Z")
Well, for starters (and yeah, just for starters) the reason I don’t go around raping people is because it’s against the law. And what if I’d never ever ever ever get caught? Well, the reason I don’t go around raping people is because it’s a bad thing to do. There you go. Neither about sex nor power. I also don’t have sex with the livestock and this decision would also be independent of my personal feelings of net worth as compared to the sheep. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/5 "2009-10-09T18:05:48Z")
Why can’t it be both? ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/6 "2009-10-09T18:09:30Z")
> [@MissIntent](#): > > Only at those men who argue that rape is about sex, not about power or dominance. If you believe that, what stops you from doing it, since you consider it to be a part of sex? You’re jumping to all the wrong conclusions. A belief one way or the other says _nothing_ about whether you believe it is in any way okay. For instance, I certainly believe that a rapist _could_ be doing it for the sex, but that doesn’t change the fact that I want such people wiped from the face of the earth. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/7 "2009-10-09T18:11:57Z")
Once upon a time there was this tribe in the pacific who worshiped dolphin gods. Every year at the spring equinox they would sacrifice baby seagulls to these deities. One year it came to pass that, due to years of this ritual, there were no baby seagulls to be found on their island. They noticed that the island across the way was teaming with bird life, but it also was inhabited by a neighboring tribe with whom they had been at war for time untold. But what could they do? They had to appease their gods. So in the dead of night they took their dugouts across to the island, poached a bunch of baby seagulls and got ready to head home. On the way back to their boats they discovered that a couple of majestic lions had fallen asleep in the middle of the path. They very carefully and very quietly tip-toed over the lions and made their way to the beach. Just as they were about to head home a bunch of the warriors of the enemy tribe accosted them and arrested them. What was the charge? Transporting young gulls across stately lions for immortal porpoises. And that’s what I have to say about this thread. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/8 "2009-10-09T18:13:46Z")
To be frank, the only time I really think about rape is while reading this board, where there are rarely fewer than three simultaneous rape threads going at any given moment. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/9 "2009-10-09T18:13:54Z")
As I stated in a recent thread: > [@QtM](#): > > Regarding this statement: Rape isn’t about sex, but about power, or revenge. > > That’s a phrase oft-repeated as if it were universal truth, but it’s not necessarily so. From the victim’s standpoint it certainly is very often about power (or the lack of it more than anything else) but from the perpetrator’s standpoint, the power is generally just a tool to achieve their goal, which may be revenge, degradation, lust, a desire for intimacy, or dozens of other, and mixed, motivations. > > So to the perpetrator, rape is about what the perpetrator wants. ---
**Author:** ![Terraplane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/10 "2009-10-09T18:19:48Z")
It could be both. Or just one or the other. I don’t rape because I don’t want to rape. My desire for sex is nowhere near as strong as my aversion towards causing others harm. Other people might want sex and not give a fuck. They want sex, they take sex. The other person’s feelings don’t matter. Saying rape is about power for this kind of person is like saying theft is about power. Do people steal cars because they want power over somebody? No, they steal cars because they want the car. Other people might not really care about the sex but they just want to hurt or humiliate somebody. For them it’s about power. I think it’s silly to say that there can only be one motive. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/11 "2009-10-09T18:20:05Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > As I stated in a recent thread: Well said. It’s not like the rapist and victim sit down beforehand to agree on what the meaning of the rape will be. ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/12 "2009-10-09T18:21:01Z")
It’s all a male plot to keep women in their place. Is that what you want to hear? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/13 "2009-10-09T18:23:51Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > To be frank, the only time I really think about rape is while reading this board, where there are rarely fewer than three simultaneous rape threads going at any given moment. Wow. You know, I never thought about before, but you’re right. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/14 "2009-10-09T18:24:08Z")
Yeah, I’ll play. Like QtM, I think it is, sometimes. > [@MissIntent](#): > > Do you fantasize about raping women? No. A woman once said she fantasized about me raping her, though, so there is that. > [@](#): > > Would you rape a woman if you wouldn’t get in trouble for it? Probably not. > [@](#): > > If you believe that, what stops you from doing it, since you consider it to be a part of sex? Because it is morally wrong, and also illegal. > [@](#): > > So to him and any others that support that view, what stops you then? Because it is morally wrong, and also illegal. > [@](#): > > Are you just not man enough for it, since you believe it’s just another sex act? I do not believe that. Did I get the answers right? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/15 "2009-10-09T18:43:20Z")
> [@furt](#): > > Did I get the answers right? It is my understanding that you own a penis, so no. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/16 "2009-10-09T18:55:10Z")
Sex versus power… I remember hearing all through my life that rape was about dominance/power and not sex. While that might have some truth, I never really bought it. My gut feeling is that rape is about sex for many (not all). It is a ‘reproductive strategy’. Not a very good one, mind you, in fact downright terrible…the effect on the woman is extreme…she will most likely not get pregnant. If she does get pregnant she will most likely abort. If she does keep it she will have negative feelings toward it etc. Not to mention that for large parts of human history you had either society and/or family gunning for you afterword which could aversely affect you. However, it does have the ‘advantage’ of not requiring huge amounts of effort/resources to bed the woman and theoretically allows you access to women out of your league (defined by women who would never consider you for a sexual partner on the basis of you physical and/or material attributes - not good looking enough/not tall enough/not rich enough etc.). What this means that if you want to ever have a chance of reproducing with a ‘higher quality’ female the only chance of this is through rape…hence my gut feeling there is a component of ‘reproductive strategy’ to it. Remember that most of human history was very different from society today. I personally do not fantasize about rape. When I fantasize about sex it is with a hot, gorgeous willing partner 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/17 "2009-10-09T19:05:32Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > It is my understanding that you own a penis, so no. So all he needs to do is get married. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/18 "2009-10-09T19:06:42Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > I personally do not fantasize about rape. When I fantasize about sex it is with a hot, gorgeous willing partner 🙂 Absolutely. What’s the thrill of fantasizing about someone who is not madly in lust with you? (Although I guess for men who fantasize about having power, well… yeah.) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/19 "2009-10-09T19:13:31Z")
Let’s turn it around. If rape really is about power and not sex; aren’t you then claiming that a ruthless man who lusts after a woman but has no power issues _ **won’t** _ rape her? You are basically claiming that ruthless men who would cut their mother’s throat for money still won’t rape a woman just because they are pretty. ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212/20 "2009-10-09T19:22:17Z")
> [@MOIDALIZE](#): > > Well, this thread sucks. Yeah, I totally lost my boner. > [@MissIntent](#): > > Only at those men who argue that rape is about sex, not about power or dominance. If you believe that, what stops you from doing it, since you consider it to be a part of sex? That makes no fucking sense. Rape is sex. Being a part of or related to something has absolutely nothing to do with it being good, legal, or societally acceptable. “Rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power” is just a euphemism. Sex and power are not totally divergent things; look at BDSM. Lots of people get off on control or being controlled. Yes, rape can be used to hurt or humiliate, that’s true. But saying it’s not about sex at all – it has nothing to do with sex whatsoever – is just naive. It’s not not that huge of a logical leap from “Damn, I want to have sex with this person so bad, but he/she won’t let me!” to “I’ll just make him/her!” in the criminal mind. Why does rape get some special class compared to other crimes? “I know that guy robbed a bank, but it wasn’t about money. It was about power!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-a-male-who-thinks-rape-is-about-sex-not-power/513212.md?page=2)