# If you are so concerned about Hell, how about you go check it out for yourselves? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027 "2008-09-24T17:53:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/41 "2008-09-25T03:38:28Z")
Get a book on Wicca. Read it to them. Maybe cast some spells on them in front of them. Doesn’t matter if it’s real or not. If they think it’s real their own insecurities will do them in. The Diskworld book with the female wizard has some real insights into practical witch craft. What good is a curse if you’re victim doesn’t know they’re cursed? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/42 "2008-09-25T03:49:43Z")
Ooh, which ones is it? Is it [Brother Jed and his crew](http://www.brojed.org/)? I kinda miss those guys! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/43 "2008-09-25T04:12:47Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > See if you can distract attention away from them and tick them off at the same time! Get a bunch of women together who don’t mind making out with one another and have them go at it in about 15 feet away from the trolls. I did this. We had Pastor John at UT. I can’t find a picture of him online. He was somewhat short, about five six or so, with the typical short German-stock Texan stature: stocky, blond, with a face that goes beet red in weather above freezing. He had the Dick, Jane, and Sally stories (if you have not seen them, check [this](http://revver.com/video/489264/the-story-of-dick-jane-sally-brother-micah-series-pt-22/) out). We knew them by heart before long. He had a whole audience before much time passed. We called ourselves the Hellbound Hecklers and had a fairly indecent amount of fun. There was the Satanist kid who came out wearing a purple velvet dress, there was Ezra who would dress like Jesus and advise John that what he REALLY wanted was more potsmoking and orgiastic sex… oh, we had a fine time. One day, I was walking along to sit in the audience and Pastor John pointed me out: “You’re goin’ to HELL, young missie!” “Why?” I asked, genuinely curious. It took him aback a little, but he had an answer ready. Noting my bluejeans, he answered: “You are wearing trousers, the clothes of a man!” I plopped myself next to my very pretty bisexual buddy and said “Well… in for a penny, in for a pound.” We proceeded to make out, to much applause. Only now do I realize my reaction should have been to scream, tear off my blue jeans, throw them at Pastor John, and run away. 😃 It always made me angry to see him: he drove people away from Christianity, not toward it. I understand that he and his are actually out to be castigated, believing that the more people abuse them the more God loves them. That’s not a God I want any part of. Luckily, I’m pretty sure that creepy dude doesn’t exist. ETA: holy cats, I found him. Here’s a picture of us! [http://www.gospeljohn.com/tx\_ut.htm](http://www.gospeljohn.com/tx_ut.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/44 "2008-09-25T04:23:14Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > These days? The University of Illinois campus was infested by Brother Jed Stein (or was it Jeb?) over 30 years ago. He must have been replaced by Preacher Dan. I haven’t seen him around in a couple years though. ---
**Author:** ![Kevbo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e47774/32.png) [@Kevbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kevbo)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/45 "2008-09-25T04:33:42Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > But will I be able to masturbate in Hell? Not just allowed, but required. No stopping though. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/46 "2008-09-25T05:38:06Z")
> [@Kevbo](#): > > Not just allowed, but required. No stopping though. That’s not hell, that’s /b/ on 4chan. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/47 "2008-09-25T06:08:37Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Get a book on Wicca. Read it to them. Maybe cast some spells on them in front of them. Doesn’t matter if it’s real or not. If they think it’s real their own insecurities will do them in. Wouldn’t that be an assault then? Or an attempted assault, or something? Yeah, I know it is pure fantasy (the Wicca bullshit, I mean), but how about a person walking into a bank with a toy gun and waving it about with no ulterior motive. If they believed you were trying to attack them, then couldn’t they defend themselves? I’m wondering is all. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/48 "2008-09-25T06:18:24Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > Wouldn’t that be an assault then? Or an attempted assault, or something? Yeah, I know it is pure fantasy (the Wicca bullshit, I mean), but how about a person walking into a bank with a toy gun and waving it about with no ulterior motive. If they believed you were trying to attack them, then couldn’t they defend themselves? I’m wondering is all. Well wouldn’t the spuedowicca be self defense against them condemning you to hell? I mean if one religions ramblings are assault why not the other? I personally think “but he put a spell on me!” would get laughed out of court unless op is posting from 1604 salaam mass. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/49 "2008-09-25T06:29:50Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Well wouldn’t the spuedowicca be self defense against them condemning you to hell? I mean if one religions ramblings are assault why not the other? I agree. That would have been my follow up point. If he said, “I am going to send you to Hell”. Then I’d think he was going to kill me. As an Atheist, if he says, “God will send you to Hell”. I know that there is no God, so that leaves him to do the job. Does that mean he is going to kill me? I personally would say ‘No’, but each person takes things differently. > [@](#): > > I personally think “but he put a spell on me!” would get laughed out of court unless op is posting from 1604 salaam mass. Ditto… Or at least if the courts didn’t have kooks sitting on the bench, too. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/50 "2008-09-25T11:52:57Z")
> [@Litoris](#): > > I think I would be inclined to stop and stare if someone were able to tell the exact number of times I masturbate per day just by looking at me. I might ask them for the powerball numbers for tonight, too. Ask them if it’s ok to do it just 'til you need glasses. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/51 "2008-09-25T12:00:32Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > I personally think “but he put a spell on me!” would get laughed out of court unless op is posting from 1604 **salaam** mass. Darn Muslims, invading Massachusetts way back then… ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Call_Me_Shirley)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/52 "2008-09-25T13:16:03Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > Here is a nice little tribute page to Bro Max, however, by someone who developed an odd respect for him. Where? ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/53 "2008-09-25T13:21:19Z")
> [@Don\_t\_Call\_Me\_Shirley](#): > > Where? :smack: Damn. [http://patrick-rice.net/People/Max\_Lynch/](http://patrick-rice.net/People/Max_Lynch/) ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/54 "2008-09-25T13:24:57Z")
> [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](#): > > ETA: holy cats, I found him. Here’s a picture of us! [http://www.gospeljohn.com/tx\_ut.htm](http://www.gospeljohn.com/tx_ut.htm) You used to watch Commander USA, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/55 "2008-09-25T13:49:40Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > Why’d your friends drive off the least offensive of the three? You’d have to ask them that. I don’t think he was driven off, he may have just moved to a different area. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/56 "2008-09-25T15:22:50Z")
Yeah, we had one of those kooks too. His name was Brother Stephen. He would set up in the center of campus and start yelling his incomprehensible sermons. His signature touch was calling all women who walked by “whores.” He told everyone repeatedly how we were all going to hell for fornication, blah, blah, blah. Then a few years ago he was caught trying to pick up a 13-year old boy. Didn’t see him around after that. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/57 "2008-09-25T15:32:39Z")
I love these guys. We had one at NC State when I went there back in the Paleolithic we called The Brickyard Preacher. He would come to yell incoherently at us two or three times a year. I remember one year my fraternity was selling t-shirts on the Brickyard while he was there. After watching him for about an hour, he stopped being entertaining, and got annoying. As my shift got done, and I was heading to class, I walked by him, stopped, faced him, and screamed, “ENUNCIATION!!! ENUNCIATION!!! I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU’RE SAYING!!!” I then turned, and walked to class without turning or saying another word. I could hear a lot of laughing back behind me, though. ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/58 "2008-09-25T16:21:15Z")
I saw a few nuts like this at my university. It seems to me like they are trying to cause conflict, so is there any reason why the police don’t charge them with disturbing the peace, or unlawful assembly? ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/59 "2008-09-25T16:22:27Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > At Uni of Iowa, I don’t recall seeing any at all. Certainly not off campus. I spent most of my time in bars, though, so… Of course not, everyone know God only loves Cyclone fans! 😃 We had the C for C show up at my little Lutheran College. Two guys hung around the student center trying to convert people. Unfortunately the Student Center primarily housed the Fine Arts and Theatre departments so they did not have a very receptive audience. They were well on their way to a beat down when they got cornered by the Campus Pastor who was extermely knowlegable about theology in general, very liberal and VERY talkative. He ended up converting one the the Crusaders. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027/60 "2008-09-25T16:25:20Z")
[QUOTE=vetbridge] Palms? [/QUOTE] No, _psalms_. You get hairy psalms when you think impure thoughts while reciting them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-are-so-concerned-about-hell-how-about-you-go-check-it-out-for-yourselves/465027.md?page=4)