# If you can't say anything nice, then SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 13, 2002, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874 "2002-06-13T16:04:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/21 "2002-06-13T22:43:30Z")
I see El Elvis’s point. People say things on the board that they wouldn’t normally say IRL. That said, most people are nice on the board. If you post something like, “Oh man, I started my period today and I didn’t have ANY pads!” there will be ten “Oh my God, that sux!” posts to every “Why weren’t you prepared, you idiot?”. You can either get your feelings hurt by the latter or focus on the positive. I tend to remember the nasty posters. Then if they ever dare to create a stupid thread, I let them have it. What goes around comes around. ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/22 "2002-06-13T23:08:51Z")
**Myrnalene** : in the other thread, **Elvis** apologized and made it clear that he misread my post. We’re cool, but thanks! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2002, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/23 "2002-06-13T23:34:27Z")
Ooops, sorry there, **Elvis**. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/24 "2002-06-14T00:02:24Z")
I’m with **Elvis** on this one. Some of the stuff that people post here is really mean. If someone is being a jerk and a poster says “You’re being a jerk” and does so in a colourful manner, fine. But I’m always amazed when someone posts a totally innocuous comment, and some goof shows up to be ignorant and mean. Like **JamesCarroll** in that other thread - he expressed that he doesn’t like telemarketers. Fine. So then he goes on to slag **AOL** off about problems with her ex-BF and a friend of a friend? What was that about? Did he just think he’d be a dick-face or what? Disagreeing with someone is one thing, but being purposefully mean, just because you’re anonymous is really jerky as far as I’m concerned. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/25 "2002-06-14T01:35:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bad News Baboon \* > \*\*the way you are suggesting a board be run, only people in agreement with you should be allowed to post in a thread. I think that’s just wrong. Sometimes one IS being a whiney bitch and needs a reality check, present company included. Also, if only people that agree with you post, you might get the impression that you are right and justified. Sometimes, you aren’t and need to hear it. \*\* I’m not suggesting that at all. If you enter into a debate or a discussion of a topic, then you NEED to have opposition for it to commence. Therefore, I’m all for people voicing their differing opinions. But that’s for a debate or discussion. We’re not talking about people offering suggestions to help “put things in perspective,” we’re talking about people being flat out rude. In my first example, the dog wasn’t “running around loose,” it managed to escape. first time occurance, perhaps, but the matter of the fact is the poster was being responsible, something went wrong and fido died. Imagine a poster i who responds with “Well, you got what you deserve, you fuck up. I hope you never have children you irresponsible waste of flesh. Society should take people like you and throw them in the river.” It sounds funny, yes, but similar responses have occurred, and not just in **AOL** ’s thread, that one just happens to be the most recent one I’ve previewed. In debates and arguments, I can let stuff like that slide. But for personal stories and the like, it’s just uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Forbin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5e9695/32.png) [@Forbin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Forbin)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/26 "2002-06-14T01:52:17Z")
As is pointed out on the flame warriors site,[jerks](http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame34.html) you meet online do not risk a real time punch in the mouth. I have seen excessive meaness here and there, and I don’t like it. But, **Elvis** , with regard to your OP, I just don’t think there’s a solution. That’s just the way it is. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/27 "2002-06-14T04:35:08Z")
**Myrnalene** , there’s a difference between saying that someone’s complaint isn’t really legitimate (what you and **Fenris** did) and saying that someone is a screw-up because their personal life isn’t so great. In the thread in question, **JamesC** had no idea what the particulars of the situation were, yet took the opportunity to throw about insults in a cruel manner. One of those things is acceptable IMHO; the other isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/28 "2002-06-14T06:06:10Z")
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!” “…That was uncalled for!!” ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/29 "2002-06-14T14:06:56Z")
if you don’t like it, don’t post in the pit. You KNOW how people are here (because if I recall correctly, you have gotten upset with someone here before over a different pit thread started by AoL). Yes, some people are rude. Yes, some people are deliberatly mean spirited. Tis the nature of the beast. Just the other day, I was in a thread about children not using restraints. I called someone a FUCK NUGGET, because in my opinion he is. To me, not restraining your child is the height of stupidity and it pissed me off. maybe others feel as strongly about telemarketers. Was it uncalled for for Jamescarrol to bring up personal issues? yes. but, the only way he knew about said issues was because SHE posted them up. and though you appologized to Fenris, etc, really, is calling him Filth _nice_? I mean, following your advice, you should have just ignored it, seeing as you couldn’t say anything nice. right? If you don’t want to run the risk of someone calling you a whiney bitch and get into your personal life, don’t cruise the pit. If you don’t want idiot kids posting to your journal about how whiney you are, don’t let them. Use HTML and create your own website that only recieves input form you. seriously, If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/30 "2002-06-14T17:54:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Angel of the Lord \* > \*\ ***Myrnalene** , there’s a difference between saying that someone’s complaint isn’t really legitimate (what you and **Fenris** did) and saying that someone is a screw-up because their personal life isn’t so great. In the thread in question, **JamesC** had no idea what the particulars of the situation were, yet took the opportunity to throw about insults in a cruel manner. One of those things is acceptable IMHO; the other isn’t. \*\* Oh, I agree that **James Carroll** was a dick. I just objected to the calling out of **Fenris** , and to what I took as the implication that we shouldn’t post in a Pit thread if we didn’t agree with the OP. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/31 "2002-06-14T18:36:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Myrnalene \* > **Look, Angel of the Lord makes her living by harassing total strangers, invading their personal space, and stealing their time. Sorry, but that is exactly what she does. It is, at the very least, extremely irritating. She then complains here that sometimes the people into whose lives she thrusts herself, unbidden, do not appreciate her intrusions. They curse at her. They insult her. She wants them to stop. In other words, her philosophy is that \*\* it’s perfectly acceptable for her to be rude to people she doesn’t know, but wholly unacceptable for those people to return the favor**. It is A-OK in my book for some people here who have been victims of telemarketers to point out how illogical and fucked up that philosophy is. \*\* Man you’re a callous fuck. Someone link the thread in question ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/32 "2002-06-14T19:17:42Z")
\*\*Is the Pit just an excuse to unleash bile, spew vitrol, and generally act like a big giant dick? \*\* Really, I’ve gotten a wee bit tired of “Oh-what did you expect, you’re in the pit?” as an excuse for what I consider just plain ole wild hog meanness. Don’t get me wrong- there are perfectly sound reasons for ripping another poster’s head off. That little creep that was waxing wroth on the subject of old people serves as a prime example. And passionate beliefs can lead to some pretty heated exchanges. No one is expected to suffer a superfical whiner glady either. Post a “my fingernail just broke and nobody loves me and I’m so sad I can’t afford an SUV” and I’ll gleefully join the pile up. But when an apparently decent human being says "I’m a little down"and explains why, can’t we just keep a civil attitude ---
**Author:** ![Zoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6de8d8/32.png) [@Zoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoff)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/33 "2002-06-14T22:39:30Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by miamouse_ > If you were at a Dopefest, or sitting in a room talking with these people, would you do the same thing? No, because you might actually have to see the hurt on that person’s face and see the pain you’ve caused. You’re right, but I think this is an example of why message boards come with an “OP’er beware” warning. A lot of people act differenlty online than in person. People say things they wouldn’t otherwise say. When you factor in the large number of people who will view the post, it’s a pretty good bet that somebody will post something other than what the OP was looking for. I wish people would act nicer online, but that’s not going to happen. Even in a thread deserving of sympathy there will always be a couple of people who will post something nasty or snarky. If the OP can’t handle the response, it’s best not to post. That kinda sucks, but that’s the way it is. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2002, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874/34 "2002-06-14T22:40:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > **Man you’re a callous fuck.** There’s a reason I didn’t post that in her thread. I understand that she was having a bad day and just wanted to vent. As I said **already** , I’m sorry for all the other crappy things she’s going through, and I don’t think anyone here has the right to criticize her for that stuff. But I am frankly flabbergasted at the idea that we are not allowed to disagree with something that is brought up in an OP of a personal nature. If someone posts something and another poster takes issue with it, then we are going to have a dialogue. That is. The purpose. Of this board. I agree that my tone could have been a little gentler, but **Angel** apparently didn’t have a problem with it, at least judging from her last post to me. \*\* > [@](#): > > Someone link the thread in question\*\* Do you know there’s a link posted in the OP? Do you know that you, too, can learn how to link by reading ATMB? Do you have anything resembling a point? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-cant-say-anything-nice-then-shut-the-fuck-up/113874.md?page=1)