# If you could choose to have animal characteristics, what would you want? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 25, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610 "2004-11-25T07:29:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/1 "2004-11-25T07:29:04Z")
I’d have fangs, definitely. Fangs rock, they rock hard. Claws too, but only if they looked pretty. Nothing too gnarly. And a tail, like a cat’s with soft fur. But, the fur would have to trail off before it reached my butt. No hairy butt for me, no sir. I asked Mr. AFG this question. He said he thinks it’s time for me to go to bed, but he also said he’d go with gills, since he can’t swim. ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/2 "2004-11-25T07:56:05Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > I’d have fangs, definitely. Fangs rock, they rock hard. Claws too, but only if they looked pretty. Nothing too gnarly. And a tail, like a cat’s with soft fur. But, the fur would have to trail off before it reached my butt. No hairy butt for me, no sir. > > I asked Mr. AFG this question. He said he thinks it’s time for me to go to bed, but he also said he’d go with gills, since he can’t swim. Definitely a tail and I’m debating wings, I’m just not sure where they would fit when I was just walking around on the ground. Have you seen how a squirell can run up the side of a tree and go up, down and all around? I’d like to be able to do that. Have two teeth that are hollow and when I bit someone I could put poison into them. The jumping power of a gazelle and the arm strength of an orangutan. Eagle eyes, retractable horse penis, dog hearing, cheetah speed when running and the ability to hold my breath underwater as long as a dolphin. ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/3 "2004-11-25T07:58:59Z")
I forgot to add the swimming and water leaping abilities of a dolphin and the quiet stalking ability of a housecat. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/4 "2004-11-25T08:13:44Z")
Yeah, wings… that wrap around like a cloak (ala Gargoyles) 🙂 Night vision would be good too. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/5 "2004-11-25T08:14:21Z")
Wings (functional, please). ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/6 "2004-11-25T08:17:19Z")
Hibernation is a really cool (heh) concept. I’d like to try it out, provided nothing came along to be very loud for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/7 "2004-11-25T10:47:12Z")
A tail, definitely. I’ve always felt somewhat envious that most other animals have tails and that humans are among one of the very very few that don’t. ---
**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/8 "2004-11-25T11:31:15Z")
Camouflage! ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/9 "2004-11-25T11:53:56Z")
I’ll join the line for a tail. Mine would have to be prehesile, though (how else do you touch type and use a mouse?). ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/10 "2004-11-25T13:33:16Z")
I have read the male swine have orgasms that can last up to 30 minutes. Some animals such as the giraffe and wallaby have prehensiled penii. Male lions sometimes mate over 30 times a day. I would like to have wings too. Then I would find that goose that pooped on me a few years ago. Ahhh, payback. ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/11 "2004-11-25T13:46:15Z")
Retractable claws. Definately. Enhanced acuity of vision, and night vision. Muscle density of a great ape - something like three times more powerful than a humans, pound-for-pound. I’d be ugly as hell, but I’d kick some major butt! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/12 "2004-11-25T14:14:36Z")
I’d love to have the speed, grace, and soft eyes of a doe. Wings would be nice, too. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/13 "2004-11-25T14:34:49Z")
A large glow-in-the-dark butt. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/14 "2004-11-25T15:24:29Z")
> [@Amazon Floozy Goddess](#): > > I asked Mr. AFG this question. He said he thinks it’s time for me to go to bed, but he also said he’d go with gills, since he can’t swim. I hope Mr. AFG realized that this was a plea for some kinky sex. 😉 I’d like to have the ability to love unquestioningly, unconditionally and without expectations like my cats and dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/15 "2004-11-25T15:29:38Z")
Flying. Wooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! ---
**Author:** ![MrFantsyPants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ba0ec/32.png) [@MrFantsyPants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrFantsyPants)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/16 "2004-11-25T15:30:19Z")
Dental hygiene so bad that anyone I bite would be dead within a few hours. or retractable eye-stalks. That’d be cool too. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/17 "2004-11-25T15:35:36Z")
> [@Master Wang-Ka](#): > > A large glow-in-the-dark butt. 🆒 Correction: a large glow-in-the-dark butt that attracts females like mad, for whatever reason. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/18 "2004-11-25T15:39:40Z")
> [@MrFantsyPants](#): > > Dental hygiene so bad that anyone I bite would be dead within a few hours. > > or retractable eye-stalks. That’d be cool too. You may be the one here who would have the most difficulty getting dates. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/19 "2004-11-25T15:41:57Z")
To quote Counting Crows: "I wanna be a lion. E-everybody wanna pass as cats. " ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610/20 "2004-11-25T15:57:48Z")
The ability to regenerate lost limbs would be cool. “Tis but a flesh wound!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-choose-to-have-animal-characteristics-what-would-you-want/276610.md?page=2)