# If you could give yourself 3 warnings...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [January 25, 2010, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331 "2010-01-25T05:00:52Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/1 "2010-01-25T05:00:52Z")
Sorta like the other thread, but more concise:
If you could go back to past self, and give your self advice that you would take, because of some magical thingamabob that allows your past self to recognize that it’s all real…What three bits of advice would you give?
My formatting will be just a suggestion, but…
1974: When you’re going down Grandma’s cement steps behind your 4-yr old brother Andy, resist the urge to crowd him, as he WILL bounce down the last 8 steps and require 12 stitches, and you’re gonna feel guilty for a long, long time.
1998: That Eddie guy? Yeah…pass on that one. He’s not only a jerk, but you’ll begin smoking during that time and it’ll be harder to give up than you think.
2005: Washington, DC to visit friends and hang out with a cutie? No problem; enjoy yourself! When said cutie later calls and “needs a place to crash for a week or two”, just say “NO”. :smack:
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### Author:  [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/2 "2010-01-25T05:17:05Z")
1. Never let anyone dictate your happiness
2. Get over your fear of flying
3. People like to say “It’s never to late,” but in reality it’s almost always “later than you think.”
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### Author:  [@Hazle\_Weatherfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hazle_Weatherfield)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/3 "2010-01-25T05:25:35Z")
1. Don’t start smoking
2. Don’t underachieve
3. Don’t marry someone 20 years older
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### Author:  [@Mr\_Buttons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Buttons)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/4 "2010-01-25T05:30:35Z")
1.) Don’t start smoking, and put the $10,000+ I’ve spent on cigs into a retirement account.
2.) Don’t underachieve to fit in.
3.) Don’t let the acne destroy your self esteem, it will end eventually. Plus everyone else is too worried about their own issues to really notice your own.
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### Author:  [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/5 "2010-01-25T05:37:57Z")
1. Don’t succumb to ageism because eventually, if you are fortunate, you will become what you scorn. And you’ll be stuck in bed with it for the rest of your life. Heh. And you thought Stephen King had a corner on horror!
2. “Good fences make good neighbors.” Learn about healthy boundaries, pronto.
3. Taking care of your needs first is no more selfish than putting on your own oxygen mask before you try to help anyone else with theirs.
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### Author:  [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/6 "2010-01-25T05:55:54Z")
1. You’re smart enough to go to law school, so do it.
2. Marry him, but not until you both have jobs and you’re at least 25.
3. Get out of WV yesterday.
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### Author:  [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/7 "2010-01-25T06:09:26Z")
1. Tell someone about the people abusing you.
2. Go to University.
3. Don’t marry the gay guy.
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### Author:  [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/8 "2010-01-25T06:12:21Z")
1. Don’t start smoking
2. Eat less.
3. Your hair can be gorgeous. Realize it before your 20s.
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### Author:  [@Waenara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waenara)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/9 "2010-01-25T10:34:52Z")
1. In junior high and high school, don’t worry about being “fat”. You’re not, you’re in good shape and healthy. Obsessing about being fat will kill your self-esteem and in less than five years you _will_ become fat.
2. Keep participating in sports after high school. Fear of being judged for not being one of the best athletes means you’ll lose most of your fitness.
3. Go out more and date. Put yourself out there. The possibility of rejection is way better than becoming a virtual hermit for a few years.
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### Author:  [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/10 "2010-01-25T10:52:21Z")
High School : they won’t think you’re any cooler, even if you do start smoking. In fact, they’ll mock you even more. Trust me, I know.
College : Yes, you can ditch class, you won’t get into any trouble and no one will bother or care. You’ll still be fucking yourself.
Post college : Stay away from her. You’ll fall in love, she won’t, the rest of your life will be miserable. I know you don’t even believe in love, but I do, and I’m you. The next one is perfect : wait for her.
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### Author:  [@Cubsfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cubsfan)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/11 "2010-01-25T11:48:28Z")
5-18yrs old: Getting punched doesn’t hurt as much as you imagined it would so stop taking shit and start kicking some fucking ass.
19-23: You are much better looking that your school years lead you to believe. You won’t have trouble finding girls to fuck. Don’t latch on to the first piece of ass that comes your way. She won’t give up the meth.
28-Present: Good job. Keep it up.
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### Author:  [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/12 "2010-01-25T12:16:25Z")
**age 15.**
See that weird girl over there in the hallway? Go up to her and chat with her and find fun things to do together. She’s going to be your best friend for the rest of your life, and yes, she will feel the same about you. She is new in school and if you don’t befriend her now, she’s going to feel lonely for two more years, as do you, when you could be having the greatest fun together in your high school years.
**Age 20**
Your childhood did suck, and it damaged your social skills, your self esteem and your standards. Go get some good therapy and stop rescuing or flirting with people to pay for their friendhip.
**age 30**.
Stop trying so hard with your friend. Sorry, but she’s just not that into you. She is not your surrogate daughter, even though you feel about her like she is. Let her go and maybe she will come back in ten years. Maybe not. Whatever you do, don’t start acting indignant when she cancels yet another gettogether you planned. Go out and find other friends.
\*\*age 35: \*\*
No, there isn’t anything wrong with you or your life: you are depressed, pure and simple. Yes, it is embarrassing, and it doesn’t feel like a disease, but it is. Now stop eating, see a doc about antidepressants, (they will help!) and find a therapist. Not just any therapist; one who makes a difference in how you feel from the first session.
**Age 39** Go ahead, stop worrying and get pregnant with Arwin. The baby will be fine, and so will you.
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### Author:  [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/13 "2010-01-25T14:01:00Z")
1974, age 14- Start taking better care of your body, like NOW. You re not heavy at this point, but by your senior year, you will start packing on the pounds. Do us a favor and stop it before you start. Take up jogging. Play basketball more. _SOME_thing. Believe me, you’ll regret it if you don’t.
1977, age 17- Ignore your parents when they try to talk you out of college. They don’t know any better-they both dropped out of high school at 16, and think the HS diploma is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. It isn’t. Trust me on this. Buckle down and study harder than you have been, and go to college. Being 49 and jobless is no fun.
Entire life- take more chances. Don’t be such a wuss. Enjoy life more. LIVE… it will be too late before you know it.
BONUS ADVICE- Don’t listen to your mother. You are not useless and stupid and ugly. She is destroying your self esteem, and you’ll never regain it.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/14 "2010-01-25T14:19:53Z")
1. It’s ok to be gay.
2. Stay in architecture school.
3. Buy more gold.
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### Author:  [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/15 "2010-01-25T14:53:39Z")
1. You’re miserable here, and you and your family would be happier if you went to public school.
2. The fact that she’s your only friend doesn’t mean it’s okay for her to treat you like shit. Stop talking to her.
3. He’s a creep! Don’t give him your email address!
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### Author:  [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/16 "2010-01-25T15:11:08Z")
1. Happiness is not something you seek, like a misplaced object. Happiness is something that you make.
2. Love is an action, not a destination. When people show you who they really are your job is to see.
3. The universe takes it’s cue from you. Be kind, gentle, openhearted and compassionate not just with others but with yourself.
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### Author:  [@The\_Real\_Regency\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Real_Regency_Elf)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/17 "2010-01-25T15:20:22Z")
1. Cut out 95% of the sugar you’re pouring into your young body. It’s like poison to you and it’s going to make you have a weight problem all of your life unless you de-acclimate NOW.
2. Stop nuking your self-esteem by chasing all these guys who don’t give a damn about you.
3. Transfer to UNCG (where you’d fit in) from NC Wesleyan (where you don’t) and FOCUS, FOCUS, FOCUS on your education until you’re through.
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/18 "2010-01-25T15:27:58Z")
1. People won’t forgive what you say just because You think it’s funny. Keep this in mind at all times.
2. Go for school activities instead of joining the boy scouts.
3. Get off your ass and work.
HEY **REGENCY**! I went to UNCG. When were you at Wesleyan?
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### Author:  [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/19 "2010-01-25T15:32:40Z")
1. Don’t start smoking.
2. Buy Microsoft.
3. Yes, she really could get pregnant from _one_ time.
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### Author:  [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2010, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-give-yourself-3-warnings/526331/20 "2010-01-25T15:36:58Z")
Interesting that there already so many that say they regret smoking. I think we can take that as a given. Hard to imagine telling your younger self, “Start smoking right away. You’ll love feeling short of breath, smelling like an ashtray and jonesing so bad for a smoke that you dig under sofa cushions for change to buy a pack.”
1. Age 12 – You have something called ADD. You need meds to help you concentrate. Start taking them now and you won’t bomb so badly in school.
2. Age 17 – Yeah she’s cute, horny and you’re both drunk. But don’t sleep with her. She’ll get pregnant and the guilt will haunt you forever.
3. Age 37 – I know you two have been through a lot of pain, but tell your wife not to have the surgery to try and save Tommy. You’ll only give him an extra three days _in utero_ before he dies and your wife will wind up with an open abdominal wound for the next 7 years. This will result in countless major surgeries, the loss of her job and almost 2/3 of your family’s income, continuous pain for her and horrible grief for both of you.
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