# If you could kill any historical figure, who would you kill? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 19, 2012, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411 "2012-05-19T12:02:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![puddleglum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puddleglum/32/137_2.png) [@puddleglum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puddleglum)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/101 "2012-05-31T15:40:38Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > But didn’t Marx’s writings helped grow the moderate Socialist movement, and the Communist revolutions encouraged powerbrokers in other countries to take workers’ grievances seriously The moderate Socialist movement was a bad idea too. And powerbroker’s taking grievances seriously versus a hundred million dead people (at least), what kind of monster are you? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/102 "2012-05-31T15:53:14Z")
The peckerhead that invented modern plastic clamshell packaging. And if he’s still alive today, I’m not playing until he’s eligible. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/103 "2012-05-31T16:15:27Z")
> [@puddleglum](#): > > The moderate Socialist movement was a bad idea too. And powerbroker’s taking grievances seriously versus a hundred million dead people (at least), what kind of monster are you? Who says they wouldn’t have died anyway? Socialism didn’t cause WWI or the American Civil War or many other conflicts.. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/104 "2012-05-31T16:24:20Z")
OK, so it turns out that the Warrior Gene probably goes back to an ancestor of homo sapiens. Not a good idea after all. I’m going to project that the biggest identifiable spreader of the gene was Ghengis Khan, and kill his Dad before he’s born. Or whoever the most prolific identifiable spreader would be. Going back far enough, we should be able to significantly reduce the population of psychopaths. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/105 "2012-05-31T16:54:01Z")
> [@The\_Second\_Stone](#): > > Ronald Reagan after his last child was born, but before he was governor of California, so it will fit in the rules. He had a horrible influence on American and world politics. What a tool. What would Ronald Reagan do If he was here right now? He’d hear a plan And he’d claim it, too, That’s what Ronald Reagan’d do! When Ronald Reagan was in the Army Fighting World War II, He never left the States, but said He was there and freed the Jews! When Ronald Reagan was in Hollywood, Heading up the SAG, He turned the names of Comsymps in To the fucking HUAC scumbags! So what would Ronald Reagan do If he were here today? I’m sure he’d stab a back or two, That’s what Ronald Reagan’d do! ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/106 "2012-06-01T16:47:43Z")
[![](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kill_hitler.png) ](http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/kill_hitler.png) Timing is everything! ---
**Author:** ![Atomic\_Alex](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atomic_alex/32/175_2.png) [@Atomic\_Alex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atomic_Alex)\ **Post date:** [June 28, 2012, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/107 "2012-06-28T20:54:46Z")
> [@R.P.McMurphy](#): > > King Léopold II I came in here to vote for him, unlike many of the others I can’t see any obvious drawbacks to offing him before he had the opportunity to put his bright ideas into effect. > [@Namkcalb](#): > > Yes, he is perhaps the evilest man of the last 500 years, with the possible exception of the omnicidal warlord Zhang Xianzhong I’d never heard of him before but I got a genuine chill reading the inscription of the ‘Seven Kill Stele’… ---
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/108 "2012-06-29T03:29:00Z")
I would kill whoever promoted an almost binary political party situation in the U.S. Real people have real feelings about political topics, until you divide them into two teams, and establish what each team should likely think. I find several issues that I agree with my very conservative mother on, but she often spouts FoxNews paranoia, and still thinks the “lamestream media” is to blame for all the evils in the world. Notice how she did NOT see the commonality, but only the division. I see why making things binary was useful, but that doesn’t even come close to making it the best thing for the voting populous. [This method of voting](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Y3jE3B8HsE) makes infinitely more sense than our current one, and keeping a two party system will always be bad for the people as a whole. Strip the candidates of their conservative or liberal labels and you get down to what matters. I feel bad for anyone that fully and completely subscribes to either party’s base doctrine. Base your opinions on what you believe, not what your party tells you to. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/109 "2012-06-29T04:34:04Z")
> [@madsircool](#): > > A century or two of peace? Really? Do you know anything about the history of the Americas before Columbus? Quiet, he’s on a roll. ---
**Author:** ![oreally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7ab992/32.png) [@oreally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oreally)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/110 "2012-06-29T04:36:49Z")
> [@Farmer\_Jane](#): > > And someone doesn’t have to be an a-hole to cause great harm. Oppenheimer, Einstein, Roosevelt, Truman. What if you could off one of them and prevent the dropping of two atomic bombs? Would you do it? Yeah because prolonging the war with far more casualties would have been SO much better. esp with Einstein, get rid of that pesky e=mc2 and all. :smack: > [@Namkcalb](#): > > That’s a toughy… you are gambling that the new guy would be able to defeat Hitler.. You can’t be serious. Stalin was an incompetent military strategist/leader (and a complete loon). Really with the US on their side and their great resources, Russia would have been hard-pressed not to do their share to defeat Hitler. Stalin is the easy choice IMO. Although M Vick is a close second. > [@The\_Man\_With\_The\_Golden\_Gun](#): > > MLK’s someone I think America could use right now. I think his death was the biggest setback that the civil rights movement’s ever had. I think that’s ridiculous. His martyrdom was one of civil right’s biggest drivers. He lives and IMO it might have even slowed down. Plus sooner or later he’d have been caught with a ho (see: Jesse Jackson, Tiger Woods et al). 😉 ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/111 "2012-06-29T04:39:44Z")
I vote for Hitler. Oh damn, I shot Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake! ---
**Author:** ![Feyrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/fbc32d/32.png) [@Feyrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feyrat)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/112 "2012-06-29T22:15:42Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > To avoid a flame war and other problems, there are some hardcoded limits to the bots. They \*\*can’t \*\*kill: > [ul] > [li]Anyone alive today(and don’t try getting around it by bumping off their ancestors)[/li][li]Jesus of Nazareth/Paul of Tarsus[/li][li]Mohammed (The man muslims see as a prophet, not the hundreds of millions of others called Muhammed.)[/li][li]Adolf Hitler[/li][/ul] If we can’t kill Hitler or Paul, what would be the point? I can’t think of another single human being who brought so much misery to the world at large. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [June 29, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/113 "2012-06-29T22:36:26Z")
Archduke Ferdinand and his wife Sophie. I don’t want to rock the boat. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/114 "2012-06-30T00:34:16Z")
> [@oreally](#): > > You can’t be serious. Stalin was an incompetent military strategist/leader (and a complete loon). Really with the US on their side and their great resources, Russia would have been hard-pressed not to do their share to defeat Hitler. > > Stalin is the easy choice IMO. But is it guaranteed that the Communist party would pick someone better? What were their selection criteria? Trotsky had his own problems, and I do not know if there was anyone as dedicated to industrialising at all costs as Stalin. If the Axis defeat the Soviet Union, tens of millions of people would be likely to be genocided To be honest, I was tempted to post that I’d zap Stalin soon before the officer purge, but it seems more likely that that would just fuel the paranoia and bloodshed, than it would to give a competent leader like Zhukov the reins of power. > [@](#): > > I think that’s ridiculous. His martyrdom was one of civil right’s biggest drivers. He lives and IMO it might have even slowed down. > > Plus sooner or later he’d have been caught with a ho (see: Jesse Jackson, Tiger Woods et al). > 😉 Even if he didn’t , he would have appeared to. Think about all the baseless baby-momma and cheating rumours BHO was tarred with, Shesh! Woods was black when he was caught with his pants down, and Thai when he appoligised. > [@drewtwo99](#): > > I vote for Hitler. > Oh damn, I shot Eleanor Roosevelt by mistake! Just wait a few more trillion years and shoot again ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [June 30, 2012, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411/115 "2012-06-30T00:51:16Z")
> [@Namkcalb](#): > > Woods was black when he was caught with his pants down, and Thai when he appoligised. From the satirical website [Notthenation.com](http://Notthenation.com): [Tiger Woods Embraces His Thai Half By Denying Reality](http://notthenation.com/2009/12/tiger-woods-embraces-his-thai-half-by-denying-reality/) (The website is a satire on _The Nation_ English-language daily over here.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-kill-any-historical-figure-who-would-you-kill/622411.md?page=5)