# If You Could Make Any Film You Wanted To! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 16, 2008, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843 "2008-02-16T01:19:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Spiny\_Norman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/21 "2008-02-16T20:35:02Z")
Frans G. Bengtsson’s viking novel [novel](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Long_Ships) about Orm Tostesson the Wide-travelled deserves a better treatment than the 1964 abomination. Raiding parties at dawn, heroic deaths with famous last words, love, death and betrayal, good deeds being rewarded at unexpected moments. Men of action and honor. Wisecracks and understated humour, and a wry look at Christianity, Judaism and Islam as offered by a heathen outsider. ---
**Author:** ![Danalan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@Danalan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danalan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/22 "2008-02-16T20:41:59Z")
[Retief](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retief). Keith Laumer. [The Moon is a Harsh Mistress](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Moon_Is_a_Harsh_Mistress). Robert Heinlein [Time Must Have a Stop](http://www.iblist.com/book14003.htm). Aldous Huxley. [She Hates my Futon](http://www.famousboot.com/?page_id=3). (Once it’s finished.) The Lord of the Rings – a version that includes the stuff PJ left out, and fixes he parts he effed up. Probably a 6+ movie series, but you did say any film I wanted… ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/23 "2008-02-16T20:56:03Z")
[QUOTE=Inner Stickler] I’d kinda like to see Dante’s Inferno as a movie. It would be kind of long, I suppose but that’s what the pause button is for: bathroom breaks. I suppose it would be an art house indie oriented film. With CGI I think one could make a very cool hell. I’m just not sure how I’d want to handle translation. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Peak Banana] The Ninth Circle would be cool as Hell. Of course, it’ll only be made when Hell freezes over. What? Someone had to say it. [/QUOTE] This an excellent choice and, since we’re doing fantasies here, an art house / indie oriented presentation, with multi-night viewing, would be excellent. What would you think of a production under the aegis of say PBS’s _Masterpiece Theatre_ series? Then, why not do a _Passion of the Christ_ minimal subtitles presentation, given the audience that would entail? Made-for-TV though, miniseries or not, hell-to-the-no: Oprah screwed up _Their Eyes Were Watching God_ badly enough (probably due to production input from ABC), though Halle Berry was an excellent casting choice. Any casting/directing choices from you two? For my film, I’d like to cast Forest Whitaker, as Erskine Fowler and Jean-Marie Baptist as the female lead. Denzel Washington woudl certainly occur to most Hollywood minds, but Whitaker would be the right age and carry the gravitas needed. **Peak Banana** , you’re so going to Purgatorio. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/24 "2008-02-16T20:59:44Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] What appeals to you about this, or what makes it visual or thematic enough for this treatment? Have you thought about target audience, intended venue, etc.? What went wrong with the current ending of \*The Mist/I] for you? [/QUOTE] If **Lightnin’** is like everyone else who hated the ending, I’d hazard a guess that Lightnin’ is also pissed off that the book ending and the movie ending are polar opposites. The movie ending is one of those irritating gotcha! twists that M. Night Shamalan is famous for, and just not at all fitting with either the tone of the rest of the movie or what seemed to be the message of the novel’s ending. Stephen King claims to like the movie (though I haven’t heard his opinion on the end, just the movie in general), but a lot of people thought the movie’s ending is inappropriate considering it was a fairly faithful adaptation until the last five minutes. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/25 "2008-02-16T21:11:53Z")
[QUOTE=elfkin477] If **Lightnin’** is like everyone else who hated the ending, I’d hazard a guess that Lightnin’ is also pissed off that the book ending and the movie ending are polar opposites. The movie ending is one of those irritating gotcha! twists that M. Night Shamalan is famous for, and just not at all fitting with either the tone of the rest of the movie or what seemed to be the message of the novel’s ending. Stephen King claims to like the movie (though I haven’t heard his opinion on the end, just the movie in general), but a lot of people thought the movie’s ending is inappropriate considering it was a fairly faithful adaptation until the last five minutes. [/QUOTE] I should have disclosed that I didn’t see the movie, so now this makes sense. It seems Shyamalan got in his own way by ignoring the good material that he and going for the twist-shtick he seems to be known for. Do you have any suggestions? ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/26 "2008-02-16T21:20:24Z")
I’d love to see _Good Omens_ finally be filmed. As long as I get my dream cast, Jonathan Pryce as Aziraphael and Rupert Everett as Crawley. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/27 "2008-02-16T21:28:40Z")
[QUOTE=Inner Stickler] I’d kinda like to see Dante’s Inferno as a movie. [/QUOTE] Well, torture porn is big these days, but I wouldn’t want to be around for the backlash to this: [QUOTE=Dante] A cask by losing centre-piece or cant Was never shattered so, as I saw one Rent from the chin to where one breaketh wind. Between his legs were hanging down his entrails; His heart was visible, and the dismal sack That maketh excrement of what is eaten. While I was all absorbed in seeing him, He looked at me, and opened with his hands His bosom, saying: "See now how I rend me; How mutilated, see, is Mahomet; In front of me doth Ali weeping go, Cleft in the face from forelock unto chin. [/quote] I would have said Paradise Lost, but it looks like there might be [one in the works](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0484138/) by somebody with a better chance of it getting made. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/28 "2008-02-16T21:33:38Z")
A movie that absolutely could not get made by Hollywood, except as a perversion of the source novel: _ **The Space Merchants** _. The most scathingly satirical anti-consumerism novel I’ve ever read. I’d also have vending machines in the lobby of every theater it was shown in selling “Popsie Pop” and “Crunchies”. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/29 "2008-02-16T21:50:13Z")
As an off-the-wall choice, I’d like to see **Have Space Suit - Will Travel** made either as an animated film or live action. Great story, lots of action, pretty much no politics, large sweeping themes, and a story kids and adults could both love. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/30 "2008-02-16T21:52:20Z")
[QUOTE=RikWriter] I’ve always wanted to see a movie or miniseries about the Marquis de More. > **[Marquis de Morès](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marquis_de_Mores)** > > Antoine Amédée-Marie-Vincent Manca-Amat, Marquis de Morès (14 June 1858 – 9 June 1896) was a French duelist, frontier ranchman in the Badlands of Dakota Territory during the final years of the American Old West era, a railroad pioneer in Vietnam, and politician in his native France. > Antoine-Amédée-Marie-Vincent Manca Amat de Vallombrosa was born on 14 June 1858. As the eldest son of the Duke of Vallombrosa, he used the courtesy title Marquis de Morès et de Montemaggiore, but he was usually calle... They’d probably have to leave out the anti-Semitic parts from his later life, I suppose, unless they wanted to do a “There Will be Blood” sort of treatment. [/QUOTE] Maybe I’m naive, but why would it be necessary to leave out the anti-semitic parts of his later life? From the history in the link, a mini-series would be essential and all of it interesting, but if you have to pick one period of his life to condense into a one-sitting movie of any length, which would it be? ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2008, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/31 "2008-02-16T22:54:13Z")
> [@Dante via TWDuke](#): > > How mutilated, see, is Mahomet; > In front of me doth Ali weeping go, > Cleft in the face from forelock unto chin. Well, you’ve got Muhammed and Ali there. Just replace them with Muhammed Ali. What he’s doing in Hell while he’s still alive, that’s for the producers to figure out. As for a film I’d like to make? An adaptation of David Sheff’s book _Game Over_, a history of the Nintendo corporation and how it made it big in both Japan and the U.S. Since it’s a non-fiction book, most of it would have to be dramatized, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/32 "2008-02-17T04:30:08Z")
[Kim Newman’s _Anno Dracula_.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_Dracula) I’m thinking Charlotte Gainsbourg or Miranda Otto as Genevieve Dieudonné. You could probably cast a lot of characters as cameo appearences (Dr. Jeckyll, etc) by actors who’ve played the same or similar parts in the past. Royal Consort Dracula himself might be a bit hard…I think there have been three or four actors who’ve done his role justice, in the last few decades. (Plus, his own dialogue in the book wasn’t that great, oddly enough.) ---
**Author:** ![gallows\_fodder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8c91f0/32.png) [@gallows\_fodder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gallows_fodder)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/33 "2008-02-17T04:50:23Z")
Elizabeth Marie Pope’s _The Perilous Gard_. My favorite book as a kid (hell, it still is). Period piece (set in 1557) featuring a smart strong heroine (not stereotypically feisty, not beautiful) who saves the brooding handsome hero, fairies (who may just be humans whose ancestors escaped the coming of Christianity by retreating to underground caves) and human sacrifice, a retelling of the ballad of “Tam Lin,” and a little bit of a love triangle to hook the teens. Oh, and a makeover story in its own way. Not to mention a straightforward plot that would be easy to film and did I mention the fairies? With fairy queen? And human sacrifice? And love? And a fantastic heroine? I’ve been mentally casting and recasting the roles since I first read the book at age 11 and I’ve never found anyone suitable, but now I’m thinking Sean Bean for the handsome hero’s older brother. And come on, what man or woman can resist seeing a movie with Sean Bean? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RikWriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/49beb7/32.png) [@RikWriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RikWriter)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/34 "2008-02-17T14:33:42Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting] Maybe I’m naive, but why would it be necessary to leave out the anti-semitic parts of his later life? From the history in the link, a mini-series would be essential and all of it interesting, but if you have to pick one period of his life to condense into a one-sitting movie of any length, which would it be? [/QUOTE] To answer the second part first, a movie would definitely deal with his adventures in the American West. Think of it! A French nobleman turns gunfighter in the old West! As for the anti-Semitism, I was thinking of Hollywood there…the POTB would be unlikely to have an anti-Semite as a protagonist unless you were setting him up as a villain. Me, I think biographies should show the complexities of the person being studied, warts and all, but Hollywood is more likely to fund either a hagiography or a study of the man as a tragic villain. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/35 "2008-02-17T15:01:17Z")
I’ve day-dreamed about making a biopic of [“Princess” Alice Roosevelt Longworth,](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Roosevelt_Longworth) TR’s daughter. The popular image of her as a Gilded Age Riot Grrrl who grew up to be the feistiest old gal on the DC social scene could be tempered with elements which show that, in many respects, she was also a maladusted, damaging bitch. Looking at the rest of Teddy Roosevelt’d kids, the movie could be expanded to display, through their invovlement in politics; wars; safaris and explorations; big business and the Civil Rights movement how they lived in TR’s shadow as well as at the center of the “American Century” Lots of good period visuals, plus great parts for whoever wold be cast as Alice and [Kermit](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kermit_Roosevelt) ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/36 "2008-02-17T17:07:27Z")
I came in to say what **Sampiro** said - **The Baroque Cycle**. It would definitely have to be big budget and a miniseries - there’d be so many costumes and sets. And so many pages in the books. I’d like to see it as a BBC miniseries, myself. Hollywood might try to make the entire cycle into one big stupid film and leave a lot of the good stuff out. I have no idea who I would cast as any of the characters…I don’t think I care. I just want to SEE it. ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/37 "2008-02-17T18:52:02Z")
Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell would make a good movie… ---
**Author:** ![TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/51bf81/32.png) [@TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/38 "2008-02-17T19:11:18Z")
Man, I hoped to see more adventurous replies to such a promising OP! Now that Philip K. Dick’s books are progressively getting moviefied, I’d love to see _The Divine Invasion_ done by someone like Michel Gondry or Jean-Pierre Jeunet. Hell, _Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind_ was basically _Ubik_ with a more whimsical setup…someone could easily knock out a great rendition of that book. One of my personal dreams is to do a great film of Thomas Pynchon’s _The Crying of Lot 49_ - I think it would be totally hot done as a seventies CA period piece. It would be fun enough to just be able to film the Baby Igor movie that’s shown on the TV, the Paranoids doing their serenade outside the motel room while Oedipa and adult Baby Igor get it on, the electronic music bar scene… ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/39 "2008-02-17T19:39:03Z")
**Outlander** - by Diana Gabaldon. But I would want to be Claire. And I don’t know who could be Jamie, but I think Gerard Butler would make an excellent Dougal. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2008, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843/40 "2008-02-17T19:57:37Z")
[QUOTE=TLDRIDKJKLOLFTW] Man, I hoped to see more adventurous replies to such a promising OP! [/QUOTE] It may be that some people, even when they read something and think “movie” in their heads, have given up and not taken the time to think this through in regards to some of their tougher, more personal “what if’s.” Glad to you see participating here, more comment on your excellent choices later. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-any-film-you-wanted-to/437843.md?page=3)