# If you could make the movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 23, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190 "2001-10-23T22:54:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/1 "2001-10-23T22:54:53Z")
Say you won a contest where you were given the backing of a real studio and could “greenlight” any movie you wanted (just one.) Which movie would you make? I would make… Weekend at Bernie’s 3! – Starring Stephen Baldwin (not as the dead guy), and set in a ski resort. Directed by whoever made The Naked Gun. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/2 "2001-10-23T23:00:59Z")
Damn. You’ve got one hell of a mean streak. I’d produce a movie from the script entitled “Wall Puzzles” (working title). [sub]But I haven’t quite finished it yet.[/sub] Or I’d do “Surrounded by Mormons”. I read the treatment, and sample pages and it is top-notch. [sub]inside joke – I will now wait for the author to find this and berate me for mentioning it[/sub] Or … I’d produce a three hour documentary which consisted of nothing but footage of watermelons being thrown from tall buildings – run backwards. ---
**Author:** ![mighty\_maxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@mighty\_maxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mighty_maxx)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2001, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/3 "2001-10-23T23:54:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jack Batty \* > \*\* … I’d produce a three hour documentary which consisted of nothing but footage of watermelons being thrown from tall buildings – run backwards. \*\* sweet! I’de make a new Red Sonya with Angi Everheart…oh man would that kick ass. ---
**Author:** ![Bossk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@Bossk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bossk)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/4 "2001-10-24T05:39:14Z")
_The New Adventures of Amos 'n Andy_ with Marlon Brando as Kingfish. Holy Mackal! Either that or _Billy Jack Goes to Tibet_ ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/5 "2001-10-24T05:51:21Z")
I would fuse two of the most-wanted and least-likely-to-ever-be-made sequels in cinema history. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: _Buckaroo Banzai II: The Return of Mom_ ---
**Author:** ![Solomon7t](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Solomon7t](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Solomon7t)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/6 "2001-10-24T08:13:02Z")
“The best of Jenny McCarthy Part II: The schlong strikes back” ---
**Author:** ![incitatus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@incitatus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/incitatus)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/7 "2001-10-24T08:13:16Z")
I would make a three hour epic based on _Lightning_ by Dean Koontz. It’s always been one of my favorite books and I’ve often thought about what an awesome movie it would make. Strong, sexy heroine! Mysterious guardian angel! Time-traveling Nazis!! Need I say more?? ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/8 "2001-10-24T13:08:54Z")
I’d finally get moving on filming Michael Connelly’s Harry Bosch novels, probably with Gary Sinise as Harry Bosch. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/9 "2001-10-24T13:28:56Z")
I’d make “Chicks Who Love Guns”, the movie-in-a-movie in _Jackie Brown_. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/10 "2001-10-24T14:00:07Z")
I could only come up with movies made from novels. My first thought would be The Wheel of Time, and I’d make sure it got cast really, really badly just to piss off all the Jordan freaks… second thought is David Palmer’s novel, Emergence. Michelle Trachtenberg would have been perfect for the starring role when she was younger… Neuromancer strikes my fancy… I think I’m going to have to go with The Sleeping Dragon, by Joel Rosenberg. ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/11 "2001-10-24T14:06:02Z")
I’d remake _Kent State_. It was a paltry, half-ass, mediocre effort at telling a very important and poignant story. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/12 "2001-10-24T14:31:16Z")
I’d make great version of novel The Secret History starring myself as Camilla or I’d make a kick ass, indie picture of the novel The Kommandant’s Mistress, one of my favorite and most disturbing books. jar ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/13 "2001-10-24T14:42:41Z")
I’d make a porno called “Xizor and every hot looking celebrity he has ever lusted after” starring me and well, every hot looking celbrity I ever lusted after. The plot? BWAHAHAHAHA. ---
**Author:** ![nerv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/85e7bf/32.png) [@nerv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nerv)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/14 "2001-10-24T15:33:56Z")
I’d like to remake Titanic. Only only in my version Leo would end up being killed in a fight that ensued during the poker game at the begining of the movie. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/15 "2001-10-24T15:41:06Z")
Gee, tough call. Either Moorcock’s **Stormbringer** or the film adaptation of **The Eye of Argon** Muuahahahahaha. ---
**Author:** ![Kilt-wearin\_man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/82dd89/32.png) [@Kilt-wearin\_man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kilt-wearin_man)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/16 "2001-10-24T17:16:27Z")
So many choices… My first instinct would be to make a five-part series based on Zelazny’s first 5 Amber novels. Or maybe Matt Wagner’s “Mage” comic from the '80s. Or the great, definitive movie biography of Chuck Yeager. Or maybe “Ringworld”. Or a great Scottish epic which will bring day-to-day kilt wear back from the sheer popularity of it. Set in the 16th century. Starring Mel Gibson, Sean Connery (finally playing a Scotsman, dammit!), Liam Neeson, Angus MacFayden, Russel Crowe, Ewan MacGregor, Catherine McCormack, Judi Dench, Adrian Paul, Cate Blanchette, Jessica Lange, Sean Bean, Catherine Zeta Jones, that kid from the Harry Potter movie, Heather Graham… ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/17 "2001-10-24T19:53:06Z")
Can’t think of a serious answer, so I’ll suggest _Groo the Wanderer: The Movie._ Though some may say it’s redundant, what with the _Conan_ franchise and all… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![drgonzo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5fc32e/32.png) [@drgonzo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drgonzo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/18 "2001-10-24T20:48:30Z")
I´d most likely go for an adaptation of Stephen King´s Dark Tower books. With a slightly younger Clint Eastwood starring as Roland of Gilead, the Gunslinger. Or a movie based on “the Invisibles” by Grant Morrison,starring myself as King Mob and Jolene Blalock (subcommander T´Pol in the new star Trek episodes) as Ragged Robin :D. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2001, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/19 "2001-10-24T21:01:34Z")
I’ve always wanted to make a film adaptation of Asimov’s _Foundation_ novels. That would be cool. Either that or a documentary entitled, _6000 Ways We Can Think of for Leonardo DiCaprio to Die_. ---
**Author:** ![poohpah\_chalupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/91b2a8/32.png) [@poohpah\_chalupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/poohpah_chalupa)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2001, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190/20 "2001-10-25T03:24:30Z")
A sequel to **The Graduate**. I dunno what the plot would be, but Dustin, Anne and Katherine are still alive…that’ll do for me. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-make-the-movie/89190.md?page=2)