# If you could perform one song perfectly in front of an audience ... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 8, 2010, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075 "2010-09-08T17:32:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/41 "2010-09-10T13:26:31Z")
Mine would be Richard Thompson’s “1952 Vincent Black Lightning”, although I’m having trouble imagining 100,000+ Richard Thompson fans together in the same place at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![ministryman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@ministryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ministryman)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/42 "2010-09-10T17:05:31Z")
_Desperado_ or _Hotel California_… Nahhh…Desperado, so i could talk to the uninformed (youngins) and warn them of the dangers of chasing the wrong thing. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/43 "2010-09-10T17:27:18Z")
> [@SpartanDC](#): > > I think you’re on to something here. The song I always fantasize about just \*killing \*at a karaoke bar is _Somebody To Love_. That’s be mine, as well. There’s probably a half-dozen Queen songs that might qualify for me, but I think this one would be the coolest to pull off. ---
**Author:** ![Rhythmdvl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85f322/32.png) [@Rhythmdvl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhythmdvl)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2010, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/44 "2010-09-10T18:24:07Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > How could you tell the difference? > > “Oooh, I’m going to listen the shit out of this ambiance/natural music!” vs _cough cough_ “ **hmm, this doing anything for you girls I’m trying to fuck?** ” > > What exactly would be mind blowing about that? It sounds like you can’t tell the difference between a girl who’s really into you and one that’s bored as shit. ☹ There’s a big difference in how a crowd is made up. That’s a key factor in the OP–the hundred grand’s worth of people _want_ to be there, they’re not just trying to fill an evening. The closest I can come is a weird series of Dead shows back in 93 or 94. Sting opened for them. I don’t care if your a fan of neither, but it was a bit odd and distracting (?) having a cadre of Sting fans confused and bored with the improvisations and whatnot. And the fun bit would be being _at the epicenter_. Just listening/experiencing it would be one thing, but that’s not the subject of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/45 "2010-09-22T03:27:46Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > > [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > > > How could you tell the difference? > > > > “Oooh, I’m going to listen the shit out of this ambiance/natural music!” vs _cough cough_ “ **hmm, this doing anything for you girls I’m trying to fuck?** ” > > > > What exactly would be mind blowing about that? > > It sounds like you can’t tell the difference between a girl who’s really into you and one that’s bored as shit. ☹ > There’s a big difference in how a crowd is made up. That’s a key factor in the OP–the hundred grand’s worth of people _want_ to be there, they’re not just trying to fill an evening. The closest I can come is a weird series of Dead shows back in 93 or 94. Sting opened for them. I don’t care if your a fan of neither, but it was a bit odd and distracting (?) having a cadre of Sting fans confused and bored with the improvisations and whatnot. > > And the fun bit would be being _at the epicenter_. Just listening/experiencing it would be one thing, but that’s not the subject of the OP. That sounds quite like a personal attack to me. You didn’t in the slightest address my question. These are people that aren’t cheering, aren’t clapping, aren’t signing along, aren’t jumping around or waving their arms or doing anything but listening to other people listening and coughing and you sitting on your ass on stage. How would you know the difference between people wanting to be there or not? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/46 "2010-09-22T04:13:55Z")
4’33" is brilliant. Talk about a crowd experience. That being said, my choice would… well, I was going to say Sweet Home Chicago, but then I realized the perfect song. Crossroads. Because there’s only one way I could be that good. (Original) [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Yd60nI4sa9A/hqdefault.jpg "Robert Johnson- Crossroad") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd60nI4sa9A) (As covered by Cream) [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/8OLK_HSyy1U/hqdefault.jpg "Cream - Crossroads (1968).mpg") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8OLK_HSyy1U) ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/47 "2010-09-22T04:44:48Z")
I would choose to play Frank Zappa’s _Lumpy Gravy_. And then I would be revered as a god (at least in Lithuania and maybe Germany). ETA: I think 4’33" is a great idea, too. ---
**Author:** ![MTCicero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@MTCicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MTCicero)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/48 "2010-09-22T04:44:58Z")
As far as playing an instrument _and_ singing perfectly, it’d have to be Monty Python’s [“The Penis Song (Not the Noel Coward Song)”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9PiqCeLEmM). Close runners-up (and strictly based on my singing ability) would be [“Gaston”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDMfpbdbHWg) (both principal vocal parts), [“Out There”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpXZFxotFgM) (both vocal parts), [“Be Prepared”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0AiN8vrn9Y) (all vocals), or [“Pretty Women”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSTwoUys2zE) (both Sweeney’s and Judge Turpin’s parts). Or any bass parts laid down by [the](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRsAoJoV8tQ) [inimitable](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rGIiiGI2D8) [J.D.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu_wW4OJwjY) [Sumner](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HPUryHzCcQ). ---
**Author:** ![Clawdio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d07c76/32.png) [@Clawdio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clawdio)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/49 "2010-09-22T21:23:53Z")
You know where you are? You in the Jungle baby, and you’re gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeee Crowd goes wild. (Welcome to the Jungle by GNR for you squares… though Paradise City might be fun too) ---
**Author:** ![Valgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/7feea3/32.png) [@Valgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Valgard)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/50 "2010-09-22T22:00:27Z")
Singing and playing instrument of my choice and just absolutely nailing it? **AC/DC** ’s “Let There Be Rock” and I happen to like drums (plus I wouldn’t want to try and out-Angus Angus). Watching Chris Slade drumming on “Live At Donnington” is awesome, I’d like to be able to do that. And while it might seem a little sappy to some, getting up in front of 100,000 enthusiastic people and belting out a perfect “Star Spangled Banner” would be something I’d remember for a long, long time. No instruments and no clowning around (“brave” does not have 73 syllables, thank you very much). ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/51 "2010-09-22T22:22:20Z")
For the past two years, huge Todd Rundgren fans gathered in Akron, OH for a concert. And the night before there is a party. And folks who can perform are invited to get on stage. Sometimes the results are OK, sometimes the results are…regrettable. I’d love to be able to get on stage and sing _Born To Synthesize_ from the album _Initiation_. Of course I’d have to learn Tuvan throat singing techniques to be about to do it justice, but hey, this is a fantasy. ---
**Author:** ![zoog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7ea924/32.png) [@zoog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoog)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/52 "2010-09-22T23:32:21Z")
Little Wing ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2010, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/53 "2010-09-22T23:49:18Z")
For the scenario in the OP, with the massive crowd, only Springsteen would suffice. My choice of song is maybe a little obscure - “This Hard Land”. For some reason this song seems like it would be a great one to perform. I’d give a completely different answer if the question was about a small venue though. ---
**Author:** ![banjoDavid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@banjoDavid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/banjoDavid)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/54 "2010-09-23T02:27:09Z")
I’d like to be able to play Beethoven’s Piano Sonata #8, the _Pathetique_. I have been a professional bluegrass player and singer for 35 years, so this is a very different genre for me. I’m listening to a recording of this music right now. Gives me chills. David ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/55 "2010-09-23T03:36:55Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Schubert’s _Ave Maria_. Seconded! I had to sing that in Italian and German when I was in college [failed music major here] and it still makes me get all shivery thinking about it. ---
**Author:** ![TomGorstaad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@TomGorstaad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TomGorstaad)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/56 "2010-09-23T04:03:26Z")
_Bring Him Home_ – Jean Valjean’s song from Act II of _Les Misérables_. ---
**Author:** ![leftfield6](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leftfield6/32/18780_2.png) [@leftfield6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leftfield6)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/57 "2010-09-23T11:58:38Z")
First choice, Springsteen’s _Jungleland_, just cause I know my wife would completely turn to jelly. Second choice, the crooner in me would love to nail a Dean-like version of _Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime_ I did once do a karaoke version of REM’s _End of the World as We Know It_ and nailed it at least enough to impress a bunch of half drunk people in a bar, spurred on by my table of 8 more than half-drunk coworkers. Pretty low bar there, though. ---
**Author:** ![Panurge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@Panurge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Panurge)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/58 "2010-09-23T12:14:07Z")
> [@Rhythmdvl](#): > > John Cage’s [4’33’’](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4_33) > > No, really. > > From the OP: > > > [@Lakai](#): > > > > There is an audience of 100,000+ people waiting for you who are all die hard fans of whatever song you happen to chose. > > A hundred thousand people who are keyed up to tune into the music that stems from an absence of instruments. Not the incidental pauses between pieces but focused silence and attention to sound that inescapably escapes into the room. Not a smattering of folks who read the wiki article and have to put up with otherwise bored folks making noise or conversing nonetheless, but a hundred thousand folks who are die hard fans of the concept. A hundred thousand _participants_. Being at the epicenter of that would be mind-blowing. It was performed live on national radio (P1 - which is sort of similar to BBC4) here in Denmark a few years back - with a fine introduction, too. It was quite amazing - silence (or lack of sound, if you will) is a very surprising and thought-provoking thing when it happens on a radio talk show. An alarm actually went off in the radio studio during the recital because of a system that automatically perceives studio silence for more than 2 minutes as a serious error. On stage in front of a full stadium audience that would be mind-blowing! ---
**Author:** ![Panurge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/fbc32d/32.png) [@Panurge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Panurge)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/59 "2010-09-23T12:23:09Z")
Sorry for the double. Just thought of the one song I would like to be able to pull off perfectly: Rag Bageshri (classical Indian) - if I could play it as well as the late great Nikhil Banerjee. Just once … ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2010, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075/60 "2010-09-23T13:21:03Z")
Since American Idol has killed And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going, I’d go with Everything’s Coming up Roses. Hold up-- does ‘play any instrument’ include my very own body? Because I’d go with Big Spender and slinky dance my ass off. No wait, wait . . . forget Broadway. I’ll have to go to my first musical love, Top 40. I pick I Will Always Love You. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-perform-one-song-perfectly-in-front-of-an-audience/553075.md?page=4)