# If You Could Sit On One Person's Face And Fart, Who Would It Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029 "2012-09-18T01:10:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/1 "2012-09-18T01:10:53Z")
Come on, take a load off, have a seat and let us know whose face you are sitting upon. Celebrity? Politician? An ex? An in-law? Your boss? Who? ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/2 "2012-09-18T01:19:03Z")
Rush Limbaugh. After imbibing about 5 pounds worth of my best friend’s 5 alarm cookout chili (who, ironically, is himself a Dittohead). ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/3 "2012-09-18T01:54:15Z")
Anyone I would do that to would deserve much worse. So I wouldn’t do it at all because I’d feel I was letting them off too easy. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/4 "2012-09-18T01:58:08Z")
Dick Cheney. But only after a dinner of Ukrainian food and plenty of beer, where there is a 95% chance of a shart. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/5 "2012-09-18T02:18:14Z")
I sort of agree with **Starving Artist** (which doesn’t happen often, lemme tell ya.) Also, the assault is too “cruel and unusual” for my moral tastes. I wouldn’t issue twenty lashes, or waterboard someone, or kick 'em vigorously in the gonads (which, by the way, works against women fairly well, although not quite as well as against men. Bruised ovaries are – I am told – agonizing.) Ask me whom I’d like to slap in the face… ---
**Author:** ![voltaire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voltaire/32/313_2.png) [@voltaire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voltaire)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/6 "2012-09-18T03:39:41Z")
Whichever wanted criminal has the biggest reward for their capture. That way, I could stun them with a fart to the face right before I bank some Benjamins by turning 'em in! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/7 "2012-09-18T13:10:56Z")
My wife’s colleague, a tenure-track professor. He takes credit for grants won by other people and for work he didn’t do; his utter incompetence in his field results in shitty science; and his non-existent project management skills create extra work (and stress) for the people under him. He’s never honest about what he really wants from you or why he wants it, but you can always be sure that he’s rigged things so that he comes out ahead. How he rose to his present station is a bit of a mystery; the joke between my wife and me is that he must be engaging in some sort of blackmail. So yeah, a great big beans/broccoli/crab-cake fart, right in his stupid, self-aggrandizing face. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/8 "2012-09-18T13:34:50Z")
John Boehner or Mitch McConnell, I can’t decide. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/9 "2012-09-18T13:39:55Z")
Sarah Palin ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/10 "2012-09-18T13:40:27Z")
Hanoi Jane. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/11 "2012-09-18T13:42:44Z")
Oprah ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/12 "2012-09-18T13:53:58Z")
[Terry Jones](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Jones_%28pastor%29) The only problem is, I’m pretty sure all my farts smell delicious. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/13 "2012-09-18T14:31:02Z")
I’m not sure why we have these, ah, vivid accompaniments to what basically amounts to a “who do you hate?” thread. Is this a spinoff to some current event or something? Otherwise, why such a graphic requirement? Yeech. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/14 "2012-09-18T14:52:20Z")
You just made the list, missy! ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/15 "2012-09-18T14:55:47Z")
The guy who paints [FART](http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=rail+fart) on all those boxcars. No, not really. I think it’s kinda cool. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/16 "2012-09-18T15:01:16Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > John Boehner or Mitch McConnell, I can’t decide. I want [Elaine Chao](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elaine_Chao) to sit on _my_ face. And not fart. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/17 "2012-09-18T15:04:25Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > You just made the list, missy! Well, at least there’s a vinyl barrier. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Coustralee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Coustralee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coustralee)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/18 "2012-09-18T15:07:46Z")
a politician would only enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![Diamonds02](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5a626/32.png) [@Diamonds02](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diamonds02)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/19 "2012-09-18T15:46:11Z")
My next girlfriend. That would be hot! ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/20 "2012-09-18T16:06:34Z")
Ray Comfort. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029.md?page=2)