# If You Could Sit On One Person's Face And Fart, Who Would It Be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 18, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029 "2012-09-18T01:10:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/21 "2012-09-18T16:16:20Z")
Maybe Fred Phelps, although he’d probably secretly enjoy it. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/22 "2012-09-18T16:58:06Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > Rush Limbaugh. After imbibing about 5 pounds worth of my best friend’s 5 alarm cookout chili (who, ironically, is himself a Dittohead). Stole my answer. But afterward, I’d feel dirtier than he would. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/23 "2012-09-18T17:10:53Z")
If I dislike you enough to want to fart in your face I don’t want to get close enough to you to do it. Could I just point a fan in their direction and sling some shit in front of it instead? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/24 "2012-09-18T17:15:46Z")
Am I limited to just farting? Makes a difference in my choice. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/25 "2012-09-18T17:23:38Z")
Probably one of those hoity toity french dudes with a sense of smell so perfect they employ them to create perfumes. I want to see what he’d come up with after getting dusted by a little butt wasabi. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/26 "2012-09-18T17:34:51Z")
Banksy. ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/27 "2012-09-18T18:01:18Z")
My own. Cuz it would damn well smell better than the perfume from that lady who stood in line behind me at the market today. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/28 "2012-09-18T18:10:21Z")
That wasn’t perfume. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/29 "2012-09-18T18:54:56Z")
This is all an amusing exercise, but ultimately pointless. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the same incontrovertible conclusion to all of these thought experiments: _Nancy Grace_. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/30 "2012-09-18T19:07:57Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This is all an amusing exercise, but ultimately pointless. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the same incontrovertible conclusion to all of these thought experiments: _Nancy Grace_. Bravo. My decision is now locked in. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/31 "2012-09-18T19:15:40Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This is all an amusing exercise, but ultimately pointless. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the same incontrovertible conclusion to all of these thought experiments: _Nancy Grace_. She’s my neighbor. Want me to try and arrange a drop-by? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/32 "2012-09-18T19:23:12Z")
Why stop at one? Have Mittens and Ryan lie on the floor face up with their heads next to each other, I’d straddle them and give them my best. Better still, a full-mooned shart. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/33 "2012-09-18T19:32:19Z")
Mitt will be happy to do that if it gets your vote. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/34 "2012-09-18T20:45:00Z")
The best thing about squatting on Nancy Grace’s face and letting out a long, hot cheek-flapper would be watching her expression not change at all. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/35 "2012-09-18T20:55:18Z")
I think it would be too degrading for me to doo it. Can I contract it out? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/36 "2012-09-18T20:59:24Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > This is all an amusing exercise, but ultimately pointless. There’s only one right answer, and it’s the same incontrovertible conclusion to all of these thought experiments: _Nancy Grace_. We can close the thread now that we have the only true answer. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/37 "2012-09-18T23:23:13Z")
You guys might not believe this, but Nancy Grace was one of the people I was thinking of when I said I wouldn’t do it because anyone I would do that to would deserve worse. **LD** , perhaps you could anonymously mail Grace the Straight Dope’s web address and tell her all about how it’s regarded as the smartest message board on the internet and so on. Then suggest she come here and look herself up. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2012, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/38 "2012-09-18T23:53:05Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > I think it would be too degrading for me to **doo** it. Can I contract it out? Heh heh. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Know\_Nothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f04885/32.png) [@I\_Know\_Nothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Know_Nothing)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2012, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/39 "2012-09-19T06:58:22Z")
> [@I\_Know\_Nothing](#): > > I think it would be too degrading for me to doo it. Can I contract it out? > [@Dung\_Beetle](#): > > Heh heh. Winner winner chicken dinner!!! I thought about explaining that when I wrote it. I knew one of the geniuses here would catch it. This shart’s for you **Dung Beetle** And how appropriate that you have the word ‘dung’ in you name. Brilliant. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2012, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029/40 "2012-09-19T12:26:45Z")
Doo! That’s where I’m a Viking! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-sit-on-one-persons-face-and-fart-who-would-it-be/635029.md?page=3)