# If you could torture and kill one fictional character, who would it be? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889 "2000-08-27T03:14:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/41 "2000-08-29T07:13:10Z")
Continuing the slight hijack… Actually most of the female characters from Wheel of Time have been annoying. It’s been awhile now (I’m not reading anymore until they’re ALL out godammit) but I think they’ve all had at least one turn of meddling for someone else’s “own good” and then getting upset when their good intentions aren’t wellmet. Or when they interpret happenings without considering they might be wrong. Or … oh man they’re starting to make Wesley and Jar Jar look almost tolerable. Almost. ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/42 "2000-08-29T14:55:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KJ \* > \*\*BTW, the Pepsi Girl technically isn’t a fictional character. \*\* I… don’t… _ **care!!** _ I want her _gone!_ I have actually stopped drinking Pepsi because of that Moppet from Hell. ---
**Author:** ![Sea\_Sloth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Sea\_Sloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sea_Sloth)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/43 "2000-08-29T15:46:44Z")
Everyone on Ally McBeal. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/44 "2000-08-29T17:09:03Z")
Heather from “The Blair Witch Project”. But I guess that was taken care of. ---
**Author:** ![Ptahlis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a8b319/32.png) [@Ptahlis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ptahlis)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/45 "2000-08-29T20:16:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > \*\*Jesus. \*\* Didn’t they already do this one? I hear talk of another sequel too… ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/46 "2000-08-29T20:36:42Z")
**George RR Martin Spoiler** I hate Joffrey Baratheon with a passion. I wanted to mutilate him in all sorts of creative ways. But my good friend George beat me to the punch. If you have read the _Song of Ice and Fire_ (what the Wheel of Time could be if RJ had any talent whatsoever), you would know what I am talking about. MR ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/47 "2000-09-02T09:31:21Z")
I’d castrate John Bender, from Breakfast Club, and let him die from the blood loss. ---
**Author:** ![iksova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/59ef9b/32.png) [@iksova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iksova)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/48 "2000-09-02T20:21:37Z")
Everyone on Seinfeld except Kramer and Newman. Funny how I hate the main characters and still find myself watching and enjoying the show (when there’s nothing else on, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/49 "2000-09-02T20:40:12Z")
Bester, from Babylon 5. ---
**Author:** ![Polycarp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Polycarp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polycarp)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2000, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/50 "2000-09-02T22:16:48Z")
::: makes note to warn Him about tracer, come the Second Coming ::: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![jabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/db5fbb/32.png) [@jabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabe)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 6:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/51 "2000-09-03T06:44:55Z")
How about any character Bruce Willis ever played on film, for starters. Also, Tuttie from The Facts of Life. And, while I’m still on Facts Of Life…what about that old, red- headed bitch? DIE, DIE, DIE. I like the pepsi girl. If you saw The Insider you would know that she is a pretty good little actress. vote green, Jabe ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/52 "2000-09-03T11:21:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > Entire casts of “Family Matters”, “Full House”, “Boy Meets World”, “Mr. Belvedere” (ugliest family ever to appear on TV), “Facts of Life” \*\* Weren’t these all the same show? ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/53 "2000-09-03T11:30:19Z")
Oh yeah, I forgot about Edna from “The Awakening”. Fortunately she killed herself off in a massive dose of self pity. I know it’s supposed to be great literature, but I have no respect for anyone who abandons their family to “discover themselves.” Of course in this case self-discovery consisted of running around like a tramp . . . ---
**Author:** ![Jello](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@Jello](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jello)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/54 "2000-09-03T14:16:25Z")
smartypants! How could you! Ignatius J. Reilly is a very good character. Annoying at times, but hilarious at others. His mother, however, does deserve to die. ---
**Author:** ![iksova](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/59ef9b/32.png) [@iksova](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iksova)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/55 "2000-09-03T15:16:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jabe \* > \*\* while I’m still on Facts Of Life…what about that old, red- headed bitch? DIE, DIE, DIE. > > \*\* Ahh, I think she did die, actually…not Cloris Leachman, right? The other one… ---
**Author:** ![Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df788c/32.png) [@Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ben)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/56 "2000-09-03T18:39:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tubagirl \* > \*\*I would hae to agree with you in regards to Quinn, I would kill everybody on that MTV show, Undressed. That is the worst acting I’ve ever seen. > \*\* I made a cross-country odyssey recently, which gave me some time to watch a bit of MTV. My question is: 1. Do they even make a pretense of showing music videos anymore? Sometimes I’d flip channels and think I had caught a music video, but it would be just a tiny clip from their week-long N\*Stynk rockumentary, or maybe a Pepsi commercial, or both. 2. Has MTV been taken over by the people who make after-school specials? As for the OP, if I were Q, I’d put “him” from the Powerpuff girls onto Voyager and leave it at that. It seems that Starfleet has been replaced by a bunch of therapy groups run by the Hallmark card corporation. “Neelix, I don’t think you’re really mad at Dr. Xpltfrk because he exterminated your race. I think you’re really _mad at yourself._” Yeah, that’s what they told Elie Wiesel. -Ben ---
**Author:** ![relic\_11](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/50afbb/32.png) [@relic\_11](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/relic_11)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2000, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/57 "2000-09-03T20:16:53Z")
I agree with **pepperlandgirl**. 'cept I’d kill ALL the boy bands. I wouldn’t do it myself, I have a friend with the ability to castrate a man with a limp french fry. I’d just watch… and _smile_\*. ---
**Author:** ![McKenna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/db5fbb/32.png) [@McKenna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McKenna)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/58 "2000-09-04T16:03:21Z")
Jefferson from “Married With Children”. OK, it’s not his fault that the actor who played Steve wanted to get back on Broadway, but what a stupid, worthless hunk of man-meat he was. They screwed up a perfectly interesting character (Marcy) to explain why the hell she wasn’t throwing this whining narcissist out on his well-toned ass. Carolyn ---
**Author:** ![Prosser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/cc9497/32.png) [@Prosser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prosser)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2000, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/59 "2000-09-04T19:00:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Feynn \* > \*\*I agree with Jimmy, why Picard didn’t stuff Wesley into an airlock and pull the switch just baffles me. \*\* Do you really want an answer to that? How do you think Wesley became an Ensign for the best ship in the fleet? Don’t give me that “he earned it in flight school or whatever.” We all know how he earned it. Sorry about the hijack My addition: ANY fictional character played by Sagat and Paul Riser’s character on Mad about You. What did he have his \*\*\*\* surgically removed or chemically destroyed? Oh, can’t forget about anyone on “Punky Brewster.” ---
**Author:** ![ruadh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d2c977/32.png) [@ruadh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ruadh)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-torture-and-kill-one-fictional-character-who-would-it-be/30889/60 "2000-09-04T19:23:10Z")
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