# If you could upload one program into your brain... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 17, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137 "2005-09-17T18:21:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/1 "2005-09-17T18:21:27Z")
In _Matrix_ (to which I’ve heard a rumor that there are sequels, but I don’t believe it), Trinity needs to know how to pilot an attack chopper so, with a rollback of her eyes, she has the program uploaded into her wetware and presto, has the knowledge. Suppose this was real and you could have any one (1) program “uploaded” into your brain. It could be anything: the full text of Shakespeare’s plays, the ability to speak Mandarin fluently, the knowledge of how to dance, the Bible, the ability to pilot said chopper, etc… The only drawbacks: it can’t be anything that defies the Laws of Physics (i.e. you can’t have the ability to fly uploaded unless it’s the knowledge of how to fly an aircraft) and it can’t be anything _too_ severe (i.e. you can have Mandarin uploaded, but not every Asian language). What would you upload? The plays of Shakespeare would tempt me, but I’d much prefer the ability to play piano. (If I ever have the allignment of time and money I still intend to learn, young as I’m not, but if I could get it in a 12 minute upload… that’d be cool. 😉 ) Also, assume that what’s uploaded is the basic novel. For example, I would have uploaded the basic abilities of pianistry (the notes, how to read music, etc.) but could still improve on the craft. If you chose Mandarin you’d emerge with the knowledge of somebody who’d taken 3 years of college Mandarin but could still improve and learn idioms and nuance, etc., so the joy of learning and improving wouldn’t be totally gone. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/2 "2005-09-17T18:28:20Z")
At this stage, I’d just like a functioning memory… But I would dearly love to be able to play Pictures at an Exhibition on the piano. I have the piano. I have the music. I don’t have the training or the self-discipline to practice. ---
**Author:** ![Orual](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orual](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orual)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/3 "2005-09-17T18:46:48Z")
Kung fu. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/4 "2005-09-17T18:49:52Z")
I know how pedestrian(?) this is, but I’d go with a spell checker. ---
**Author:** ![Firebringer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@Firebringer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebringer)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/5 "2005-09-17T18:55:16Z")
Interesting question that certainly got me thinking. This might sound sad but I think I’d get a program to exercise my body whilst my mind slept. Ie have the computer controlled ‘me’ stand on the tread mill and lift weights. I have an inate resistance to exercise that I would use the computer program to circumvent. Failing that I’d go for a copy of ever Tom and Jerry Cartoon ever made 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/6 "2005-09-17T19:14:56Z")
Westlaw or Lexis would be nice ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/7 "2005-09-17T19:32:25Z")
The sum total of all Microsoft development tools and solutions. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/8 "2005-09-17T20:35:54Z")
I would be relaxed, cool and funny. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/9 "2005-09-17T20:45:45Z")
Quicken. ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/10 "2005-09-17T21:06:00Z")
Speak and read every human language. (Extraterrestrial languages will have to wait for v2.0) ---
**Author:** ![rorty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b2d939/32.png) [@rorty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rorty)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/11 "2005-09-17T21:15:21Z")
A powerful calculator. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/12 "2005-09-17T21:27:43Z")
It’s a toss-up between being fluent in Japanese, or being able to play the banjo. They’re the two things I’ve been wanting to do for years but never have the diligence and patience to actually practice. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/13 "2005-09-17T21:47:03Z")
Every encyclopedia every published. EXcept the contradictory entries. Then I’d go on Jeopardy. Wait, I think this has already been done. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/14 "2005-09-17T22:22:02Z")
The OED + thesauras. I thought I had a good vocabulary until I wrote a book. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/15 "2005-09-17T22:23:05Z")
Something really, really lucrative. Like the entire annotated U.S. Tax Code or something. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2005, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/16 "2005-09-17T22:23:35Z")
I’d go for the advanced mathmatics proficency upload. I’m talking Uber autistic level math proficency. 🙂 (Well, what they show in the movies anyhow) ---
**Author:** ![FlyingRamenMonster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@FlyingRamenMonster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FlyingRamenMonster)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/17 "2005-09-18T01:12:38Z")
Uber autistic level math proficiency would be near the top of my list too. But without the autism :] But maybe the number one thing would be the ability to tell the RGB and RBY values of something just by looking at them. It would remove my main source of frustration while drawing. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/18 "2005-09-18T01:33:55Z")
Math. Not even the crazy advanced stuff, because who uses calculus anyway? I want just enough so that I can calculate things in my head without resorting to calculators and scribbling. It would help me a heck of a lot in the lab, where everything takes longer because I have to _write_ it out to solve it. And yeah, I know I could probably manage that myself with some practice. But it would be nice to have it zapped into me! ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/19 "2005-09-18T01:44:08Z")
> [@csharpmajor](#): > > Uber autistic level math proficiency would be near the top of my list too. But without the autism :] > . Yeah, I wasn’t very clear, but I don’t really want the autism. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2005, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137/20 "2005-09-18T03:30:50Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > Speak and read every human language. > > (Extraterrestrial languages will have to wait for v2.0) I want that one, too, except I want all the old extinct obsolete & forgotten ones as well as the modern ones. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-could-upload-one-program-into-your-brain/322137.md?page=2)