# If you don't have a large vehicle, you have no penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 18, 2006, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999 "2006-07-18T12:50:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/1 "2006-07-18T12:50:30Z")
I really don’t like the latest Hummer commercials. In one, the details of which I don’t remember right now, they basically said that you’re not a man unless you drive a Hummer. :rolleyes: In another, a child cuts in front of another child at the playground. The mother says, ‘Excuse me, my child was first.’ The other mother says, ‘Well now he isn’t.’ So the first mother goes out and buys a Hummer. ‘Oh, yeah. That’ll show her! I’ve got balls now!’ I buy cars because they’re fun, funky, efficient, useful, or any number of reasons. I don’t buy them for image. The new Hummer commercials are offensive to me. Apropos of nothing, I call Hummers ‘lobsters’. ---
**Author:** ![Chez\_Guevara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/aeb1de/32.png) [@Chez\_Guevara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chez_Guevara)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/2 "2006-07-18T13:08:04Z")
I own a Toyota Yaris T-Spirit. I’ve just checked my genitalia with positive results. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/3 "2006-07-18T13:08:28Z")
[What I said.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=7551078&postcount=1) ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/4 "2006-07-18T13:09:56Z")
I have a friend who drives a H2 Hummer (in yellow, yet :rolleyes: ), and as near as I can tell she has no penis. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/5 "2006-07-18T13:18:03Z")
I don’t drive a Hummer, but I do have a Chevy Trailblazer. I need the room for kids and various sports equipment, and I need a 4WD in the winter. Hummers are just stupid and wasteful. I checked my pants and I don’t have a penis. I do, however, own [this](http://www.cafepress.com/buy/ems/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_13365453/opt_/fpt_/c_/hlv_t) t-shirt. It gets a lot of laughs, but I can’t wear it on medical calls. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/6 "2006-07-18T13:22:58Z")
I have a large [saxophone](http://bixography.com/images2/rolliniwithbasssax.jpeg), and a vehicle to fit. Penis courtesy of Og, no extra charge. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/7 "2006-07-18T14:26:29Z")
I used to drive a Land Rover Discovery that had a 3" body lift, roof rack, oversize off-road tires, and enough accessory lighting to illuminate a small baseball stadium. Now I drive a Subaru Forester. I can safely report that the size of my unit has not decreased in any way noticeable to myself or my wife. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/8 "2006-07-18T14:32:07Z")
I drive a Hummer Motherfucker™, with a roof-based silo to hold most of my penis. [Cite](http://www.army-technology.com/projects/losat/images/losat10.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![shizaru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@shizaru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shizaru)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/9 "2006-07-18T14:37:47Z")
My company commander at my last duty station had a brother that was visiting. His brother said to him jokingly “You should buy a hummer so you can drive one at work and at home.” The commander chuckled and said **People that actually go out and buy hummers are wanna be’s and assholes. I’ll never buy one."** I agree with the commander (even if he is an officer 🙂 ). I have a jeep wrangler myself, but I’d never buy a hummer even if i could afford it. Anyone seen driving one is pretty much a jack ass in my book. ---
**Author:** ![shizaru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@shizaru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shizaru)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/10 "2006-07-18T14:40:00Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I drive a Hummer Motherfucker™, with a roof-based silo to hold most of my penis. [Cite](http://www.army-technology.com/projects/losat/images/losat10.jpg). I don’t think thats the kind of hummer they meant jjimm. Theres a difference between a military vehicle used for military purposes and an overprice fuel hog that dickless wannabe’s drive on the highway. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/11 "2006-07-18T15:04:15Z")
> [@shizaru](#): > > I don’t think thats the kind of hummer they meant jjimm. You don’t say! ---
**Author:** ![tremorviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@tremorviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tremorviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/12 "2006-07-18T15:17:22Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > In another, a child cuts in front of another child at the playground. The mother says, ‘Excuse me, my child was first.’ The other mother says, ‘Well now he isn’t.’ So the first mother goes out and buys a Hummer. ‘Oh, yeah. That’ll show her! I’ve got balls now!’ Yeah, the other comerical has a guy buying healthy vegetables and some tofu and he gets all intimidated when the guy behind him loads up the conveyer belt with nothing but meat. :rolleyes: Dude, you’re gonna live longer, healthier, you’re cuter, and you most likely smell better than the meat and potatoes guy. You should be feeling superior about your grocery store choices. For the life of me, I can’t really figure out what demographic they’re marketing to. Most guys who care enough about their health to eat tofu aren’t gonna be stupid enough to by a Hummer, especially for such a flimsy reason. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/13 "2006-07-18T15:22:58Z")
> [@tremorviolet](#): > > For the life of me, I can’t really figure out what demographic they’re marketing to. Most guys who care enough about their health to eat tofu aren’t gonna be stupid enough to by a Hummer, especially for such a flimsy reason. They’re marketing to the people who scorn wusses who eat tofu. ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/14 "2006-07-18T15:29:29Z")
I may not be thrilled about paying almost $3.00 a gallon for gas, but I can’t help but smirk as I watch pissed-off Hummer owners shelling out their kids’ college money for the incredible luxury of commuting to and from work in an 8,000 lb prosthetic penis. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/15 "2006-07-18T15:30:53Z")
I noticed a guy filling his Hummer up at a gas station yesterday. The pained espression on his face was priceless! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/16 "2006-07-18T15:45:04Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > They’re marketing to the people who scorn wusses who eat tofu. No, they’re marketing to the people who want to pay $50,000 for a balky SUV that gets about 8 mpg when gas is $3.00 a gallon and rising. I’m not sure who those people are, but there must be a lot of them… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/17 "2006-07-18T15:48:39Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > I do, however, own [this](http://www.cafepress.com/buy/ems/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_13365453/opt_/fpt_/c_/hlv_t) t-shirt. It gets a lot of laughs, but I can’t wear it on medical calls. I think I love you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/18 "2006-07-18T17:24:42Z")
tremorviolet: > [@](#): > > Yeah, the other comerical has a guy buying healthy vegetables and some tofu and he gets all intimidated when the guy behind him loads up the conveyer belt with nothing but meat. Dude, you’re gonna live longer, You call that living? - cmkeller, carnivore and enjoying every minute of it. (though I don’t own a Hummer, and have no intention of doing so) ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/19 "2006-07-18T17:30:09Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I drive a Hummer Motherfucker™, with a roof-based silo to hold most of my penis. [Cite](http://www.army-technology.com/projects/losat/images/losat10.jpg). Does someone actually sit in the vehicle when that thing fires? Seems like the rocket plume would melt the driver. ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2006, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999/20 "2006-07-18T17:35:42Z")
I don’t drive a Hummer, and I don’t have a penis. It must be true! :eek: Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to have one, and Mr. Neville wouldn’t like it much if I did. > [@Kizarvexius](#): > > an 8,000 lb prosthetic penis. I’m going to steal this description… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-a-large-vehicle-you-have-no-penis/364999.md?page=2)