# If You Don't Have Kids, And/Or WON'T Have Kids, Post Here **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 12, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572 "2005-05-12T16:22:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Campion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@Campion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Campion)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/21 "2005-05-12T18:53:25Z")
When I was younger (high school/college), I dreamed of my adult life: I’d be married, have some little office job, and three or four kids. I knew that was how it would be, so I didn’t worry about anything – I just lived my life. I didn’t worry about finding that husband, or that little office job, or begettin’ those kids. Now, I’m coming up on my mid-thirties, still single, no kids, and my “little office job” consumes most of my resources, emotionally and physically. My life is nothing like I thought it would be, but I’m happy. If I had kids, I couldn’t sleep late, or take exotic vacations, or have sufficient alone time. So I don’t think I want kids, because I like being with me. Is that selfish? I don’t think so – I think any person has to take care of himself first. That’s true for parents and non-parents alike. My mother still makes cracks about how people my age are almost grandparents (sure – Loretta Lynn was a grandmother when she was younger than me, but she’s an outlier) and my grandmother recently gave me a book entitled something like _What To Tell People About Why You’re Still Single And Have No Kids_ (which was so not funny or helpful). But they’ve both calmed down somewhat now that my sister, at least, is making concerted efforts to reproduce. Now, if I get home tonight and Prince Charming (or his less-wealthy, less-handsmore, but more interesting cousin Gus) is waiting on my doorstep, would I marry him and have his children? Maybe. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/22 "2005-05-12T18:55:00Z")
My sister made me godfather to her two daughters, currently aged 15 and 3. I feel I’ve served my time already. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/23 "2005-05-12T19:00:33Z")
We don’t have kids, but we have 2 dogs 🙂 For all intents and purposes, they are our “kids”. My husband would love to be a father. I, however, have been “on the fence” about kids since I was a teenager. It’s not that I don’t like kids – heck, I’m an ex-teacher – but babies and little kids scare me for some reason. There’s also the age thing. I always said that if I didn’t have a child by the time I was in my 30s, I’d never have one (I’m now 44). Besides the risk of developmental disabilities, etc., I don’t think it’s fair to the child to have older parents. Sure, it’s now the trend in some areas of the country, but what about 20 years down the line? How could you ask a child just starting on his/her own life to, god forbid, take care of you as you enter your twilight years? Maybe that would never happen, but what if it did? I had older parents, and in a lot of ways, I was raised with _their_ generation’s morals and whatnot. Compared to my contemporaries, I stuck out like a sore thumb. Plus I hated everyone assuming that my mom was my grandma. I think I’ll stop here before I completely hijack this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Rashak\_Mani](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rashak\_Mani](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rashak_Mani)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/24 "2005-05-12T19:11:23Z")
No intention of getting married or spending 20 years running after kids, diapers and school bills. Unless some sperm somehow escape… Its just too much work, money and hassle for what is IMO minimal satisfaction of having kids. Couples with kids sometimes have very boring lifes… no thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/25 "2005-05-12T19:14:29Z")
I have two dogs too. I’ve had them both for a long time. Dogs are not kids. Cats are not kids. No animal is even close to a kid. They shouldn’t be called kids or children. I’d rather one of my dogs die than have the annoying brat who lives across the street get the flu. Dogs can be left alone. If a dog bites a kid, it can (and probably should) be put to death. No one should bring up the fact that they have pets as if it were some kind of substitute in a thread about kids. ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/26 "2005-05-12T19:30:06Z")
I don’t want kids, and I don’t think people who aren’t willing to put their kids first in everything should consciously choose to have them. I have a friend who used to say things like “Oh, I want kids, but I want them to be taken care of by a nanny”. Now, that’s selfish. If you make the conscious choice to have children but you don’t want to put any effort into their care and feeding, DON’T HAVE KIDS. I understand that mistakes happen and sometimes people have kids accidentally. If it happens to me, I’ll put the kid first and me second, however, I would probably resent the kid for being there and that’s no way for a kid to grow up. My mom wanted to have five kids. She ended up with two because our births were so hard on her (my brother was a product of fertility treatments, I was a surprise, but a hard delivery) that my dad got a vasectomy so she wouldn’t get pregnant again and probably die. I appreciate that, dad. 🙂 I will, however, spoil my nephew and any future children of my brother with gifts, trips and attention to the best of my ability. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/27 "2005-05-12T19:47:29Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > No one should bring up the fact that they have pets as if it were some kind of substitute in a thread about kids. :rolleyes: You’re not worth Pitting, but you’re imprudently presumptious about telling other people what they should say and how they say it. For many people, their pets _are_ a substitute for children, and in many cases are better behaved than a lot of brats. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/28 "2005-05-12T19:48:06Z")
I want to get a [hyacinth macaw.](http://www.petparrot.com/Hyacinth.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/29 "2005-05-12T19:50:27Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > No one should bring up the fact that they have pets as if it were some kind of substitute in a thread about kids. Why are you even in our thread, hijacking it? I hate this sort of thing. Yes, I want a hyacinth macaw, and it won’t be a substitute for a rugrat, it will be better. You, sir, are very rude. ---
**Author:** ![Elysian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c77e96/32.png) [@Elysian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elysian)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/30 "2005-05-12T19:54:05Z")
\*\*Why don’t you have children? \*\* At first I was too young, and then I was too busy. I haven’t been too young for about three years, and in three more years I won’t be too busy. Unlike other people in this thread, I have been thinking about having kids, but I don’t have them now. Still, I am the advanced age of 28 :eek: and people do look at me funny when they find out I don’t have kids. \*\*How did you come to that decision? \*\* To have them in the future or not to have them in the past? Like I said, earlier I felt I was too young, and for a long while there I didn’t want kids _at all_. I wanted to live my own life for a while, thank you very much. Now…I’m still not all that sure. I’m coming around, though. I’m starting to see what’s so great about helping a kid walk for the first time, or talk, or read. I also think I could give a kid a great growing environment. She or he will be surrounded by books and learning, will never do without anything, and will have a ton of love. **Have you encountered any hurtful or nasty reactions to your nonparenthood?** Sure. My mother makes snide comments about how I should be pregnant, and my mother-in-law is much worse. We were at my husband’s grandmother’s funeral last weekend and his cousin made it out like it was a big deal. My husband’s uncle offered to give him a “manual” to explain the inner workings on how to get me pregnant. :mad: Even my neighbors were like “What’s wrong with you?” when they found out we didn’t have kids. \*\*Any other thing you’d like to dish about? \*\* The more people say these snide things, the less I want children. And if I do have them some day they are going to have to be VERY nice to me if they even want to see the theoretical Little Elysian. ---
**Author:** ![DeVena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dec6dc/32.png) [@DeVena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeVena)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/31 "2005-05-12T20:00:46Z")
I’ll bring up the fact that I have pets. When asked, I say I don’t have kids, I have cats. They are enough of a substitute for me. My mother hates kids. She freely admits this. She just can’t stand being around them. She only wanted children to keep up with her in-laws. So she adopted my older brother and sister before becoming pregnant with me and my younger brother. My mother did very little to actually raise us, leaving that burden to fall to my older sister. I have never wanted children because I’m afraid I will be as cold, hateful, and emotionally stunted as my mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom. But I call my sister on Mother’s Day. That being said, because I love DeHusband deeply, I went through 3 year of fertility hell. He would make a much better mother than I and we tried. But with combined infertility problems, it was really hard going through pills and shots. We were about to harvest eggs for invitro when an ultrasound, and a honkin’ huge cyst, put a stop to everything. We applied to adopt but were turned away (because I have a chronic illness). I am glad. I hate it for DeHusband, but as he tells me, he never expected to get married much less have kids. One cousin told me that I was blocking God’s will for me by not being a mother. UMMmmm if God wanted me to have a baby, then why is my husband sterile and I’m on more drugs than a major league baseball team? Most of our church is supportive, but every so often, some sweet little old lady tries to “help” us. I’m 37 and DeHusband is 46. We’re happy. We have our cats. We never have to worry about them needing braces or tuition. And I never have to worry about becoming my mother. ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/32 "2005-05-12T20:02:00Z")
Seeing as how my husband already has 120 of them, we figured it wasn’t really necessary for us to have any kids. No, he’s not a polygamist, he’s an 8th grade teacher. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/33 "2005-05-12T20:04:40Z")
I figure I’ll have kids just as soon as I make enough money that I’ll never have to interact with them. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/34 "2005-05-12T20:06:43Z")
> [@Elysian](#): > > \*\* > Still, I am the advanced age of 28 :eek: and people do look at me funny when they find out I don’t have kids. Do you live in the South or something? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/35 "2005-05-12T20:08:25Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I want to get a [hyacinth macaw.](http://www.petparrot.com/Hyacinth.htm) ::shudder:: Parrots. Well, to each his (or her) own. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into. I’d actually rather have a kid. 😉 Good luck to you, though. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/36 "2005-05-12T20:09:18Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I have two dogs too. I’ve had them both for a long time. > > Dogs are not kids. Cats are not kids. No animal is even close to a kid. They shouldn’t be called kids or children. I’d rather one of my dogs die than have the annoying brat who lives across the street get the flu. > > Dogs can be left alone. If a dog bites a kid, it can (and probably should) be put to death. > > No one should bring up the fact that they have pets as if it were some kind of substitute in a thread about kids. You know **Trunk** , in one respect I agree with you. I think it’s unfair to the **dog** or **cat** to treat them as if they were a child. They have their own needs-they’re not little furry covered four-legged people and shouldn’t be treated as such. With that said, I am amazed that you’d rather have one of your dogs die "than have the annoying brat who lives across the street get the flu. " What a totally inane statement. The neighbor’s child will survive their bout with the flu-your dog would be dead forever. If that’s really your attitude- maybe you should consider not keeping animals as it seems to me you really don’t place much value on them. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/37 "2005-05-12T20:09:31Z")
My SO and I have been together for 12 years now. No kids. no plans to have kids. We have a niece and nephews. We have friends with kids. We love them all dearly. Heck, if something happened to their parents, I’d be willing to take over their care, and yes, I think we would make great parents. But neither of us feels the need to have kids. Have people bugged me about it? Really only 1. My father. For some reason, he feels that he is a failure if he doesn’t have grandkids to carry on his genes (my sister has no plans to have kids either.) My parents have accomplished a lot in their lives, including being instrumental in the creation of a university in Africa. The work they have done there will positively effect the lives of more people then they will ever know, yet Dad feels he is a failure because of the lack of grandkids. Dad has made the statement to my sister that she is performing genetic suicide. He offered money to help raise a kid. He asked my SO’s mother to pressure us to have kids. She told us what he had said, and then dropped it (bless her). I blew a gasket. I sat my parents down and lectured them, no conversation involved. Told them that this was not open to debate. I told them that they would not be welcome in my home any more if this continued. So far, it’s worked. I find it incredible sad that my father feels that the only thing of value he can leave in the world is his DNA. ---
**Author:** ![biscuithead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f14d63/32.png) [@biscuithead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/biscuithead)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/38 "2005-05-12T20:21:00Z")
I’m 31, and Mr biscuithead just turned 32. The day before his birthday he had a vasectomy. As the youngest in my family, I was rather unacquianted with children/babies. i.e. terrified of them. Over the last ten years many friends have brought new life into the world - some loveable scheisters, and some not so loveable. My husband has 11 siblings - 19 nieces/nephews on his side alone. With my sister’s two I have a total of 21 kids varying in age from 23 to 3 mo to enjoy. Finally, I can say I have become comfortable with babies/children, and even enjoy my nieces/nephews. Despite all this experience with babies - and I mean they’re popping out like popcorn maker at times - 4 last year alone - I still do not have the maternal urge to procreate. I don’t have the urge - Mr biscuithead didn’t want kids from the get go - i.e. scenario being ‘this is a terrible world - who would want to bring life into such a terrible place’. So we have at least decided if we do want to become parents one day (NEVER SAY NEVER 'CAUSE THAT’S WHEN IT HAPPENS) we’ll adopt. A highly unlikely scenario, but the only bud of hope for the grandparents. Oops, except we haven’t told anyone about the vasectomy. Hehe I guess that’s our little secret:) ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/39 "2005-05-12T20:37:06Z")
I am 24 and **The Highwayman** is 33. We don’t plan on having children. We’ve been together for 5 years. Since we are taking the scenic route to degrees and careers, it just isn’t feasible for us especially coupled (heh) with our desire to travel. I additionally have medical problems which would make it difficult to conceive without doctors being involved heavily in the process. It would sadden some women but not me really. FWIW I am the only one out of all my cousins without children and I don’t get bugged about it. Everyone in my family understands me pretty well. We also enjoy the freedom of doing more or less what we want when we want (time and funds permitting, of course). We plan on setting up trusts for nephews/nieces that want to go to college - if we ever get through with it, ourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [May 12, 2005, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572/40 "2005-05-12T21:39:24Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > ::shudder:: Parrots. Well, to each his (or her) own. Just make sure you know what you’re getting into. I’d actually rather have a kid. 😉 I adore birds, especially parrots. But I wouldn’t dream of getting a big, intelligent bird like that unless I was much richer and could spend more time with him…a 2-bedroom apartment doesn’t cut it with any type of parrot. For now it’d probably be a toucan if I could afford it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-dont-have-kids-and-or-wont-have-kids-post-here/303572.md?page=3)