He does too exist, he works for the Salivation Army now.
I’m guessing around age five. No super intelligent child-deductions on my part but I had an older sister who would snoop for the hidden gifts and then show me what we were getting.
I never believed it. It was a nice story like the Easter Bunny and the Toothfairy. My Ex-Wife-in-Law (now ex-husband’s then ex-wife and mother of his children) wanted her boys to believe in Santa Claus for ever. It was hard, but I just kept my mouth shut.
I’m not sure, but I remember it was before 1st grade, because in 1st grade my friend Mindy tried to break the news to me and I was all “Duh”.
I do know how it happened, though - I was a religious Dear Ann Landers reader as a little one (that and the funny papers), and she posted the famous “Yes, Virginia” letter every year. I remember reading it through and putting it together that this guy was going on about how there is a Santa because Santa is the spirit of Holiday Giving or something, and thinking that well, that means he’s not actually a real person, then, just an idea. And that that made sense, because when I would write him notes and he’d reply, his handwriting was an awful lot like my mom’s.
I might have been nine. I’d been hearing rumors at school and had a sneaking suspicion they were true. So one December evening my mom says to me, “You believe in Santa Claus, right?” Thinking to test her, I rolled my eyes and said, “Well, I believe he’s like, the spirit of Christmas or something…but not really.” And she said, “Okay.” I was stoic, but inwardly screaming, “What? Noooooooooooooooo!”
Whata you mean there is no Santa - are you F’n blind and deaf??? Have you noticed the effect on the human population???
Santa is our physical representation of a spiritual entity, and present in many cultures and many faiths. Perhaps not by the same name, but the desire of giving gifts to specifically children we need to create such a physical entity (from our own limited understanding) as a physical form of Santa, but it is is the living entity that guides us in such endeavors.
It is Love, it is God.
Could also be Wal-Mart.
I was 8 years old. Coming back to school after the holiday break there was a heated debate among the kids regarding the existence of Santa Claus. I didn’t participate in the debate but I remember thinking the kids adamantly defending his existence are going to feel really stupid if this turns out to be fake. The teacher was clearly not taking sides, which I thought odd if indeed Santa was real. I asked my mom when I got home and she confirmed what I suspected.
Honestly, the whole Santa thing is kinda weird now. My 4 year old believes, but damn, he asks a lot of questions.
Yeah, that’s how I figured it out – at 3 years old.
The local outdoor mall put soap bubbles in the fountains (snow wouldn’t have lasted a half-second) and the anchor stores at either end each had a Santa to visit and tell your wishes to. We were walking down the main walkway toward one and I looked back and saw the other – and stopped cold and said, “How can Santa be in both places at the same time???”
And my brother and mother started laughing hysterically and that killed it. We didn’t even bother to talk to the second Santa.
Cheech: Oh, well, man, he had some magic dust, man.
Chong: Some magic dust?
Cheech: Yeah, magic dust, y’know? sniff He used ta give a little bit to da reindeer, a little bit to Santa Claus, a little bit *more *for Santa Claus…a little Bit more to…
Chong: And this would get the reindeer off, man?
Cheech: Aw, got 'em off, man?!? Are you kidding, man? They flew all da way 'round da world, man!
Cheech: Yeah. He’s gotta job in front of da department store, ringing this bell and playing this tambourine next to this black pot, y’know?
Chong: Aww, I’ve seen the dude, man!
Cheech: Yeah! You know who I’m talking about, man!
Chong: Yeah, man! I played with that cat last year, man!
Cheech: Wha…???
Chong: Yeah, we played in front of a store, man! We made a lot of bread, man!
Cheech: Aw, hey, wait a minute, man! Santa Claus is not a musician, man!
Chong: I’m hip, man! That cat didn’t know any tunes, man!
—G!
Special thanks to Cheech & Chong
Santa Claus and His Old Lady
I was a bit older than 8. I unfortunately had adapted Santa Claus to something else in order to make the myth work. My child brain tried to make sense of the fact that Santa was fake but somehow presents showed up every morning and my parents never seemed to know what it was going to be. When I got suspicious about the malls and the parade appearances, I was given the “Actually that’s Santa’s helper” story.
I reconciled all this by deducing that Santa was a global commercial empire, and the Santas at the mall were paid employees of North Pole Inc, or whatever. When you wanted presents, you looked in the NPI catalogue, just like Sears, and a sleigh came to drop off your order, just like the Schwann man did at our house.
This version of the story seemed to work with my childhood world, and so it lasted forever.
The funny denouement to my story is that for years, my family laughed at me for believing in the ridiculous idea of a global company from which to order a vast array of consumer goods from your living room at affordable prices for quick delivery.
I was 4 or 5, voted 5. My uncle came to the house dressed as Santa, I recognized his shoes when he came in as himself. Had to restrain myself from telling my older brother and younger brothers. It was a major bummer for me 