# If You Had $1 Billion Dollars That You Couldn't Use For Yourself, What Would You Do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 1, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043 "2008-10-01T19:05:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![bink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@bink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bink)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/61 "2008-10-05T19:27:08Z")
I’d divide a bunch of it into clumps of ten million dollars. Then I’d donate those clumps to organizations I liked, like this: they’d get a million or two up front, and the rest would sit, untouchable, in an interest-bearing account to provide operating expenses for the future. I’d give one to Planned Parenthood and one to NARAL, in Sarah Palin’s name. I’d give one (or more) to GLAAD, in Fr_d Ph_lps’s name. I’d give them to various orgs like Black Box Voting, Election Protection, etc. I’d give one to my local animal shelter under the condition that they go no-kill. I’d give them to support research to fight various diseases. I’m sure that I will come up with a few more organizations to support before the check gets here… I wouldn’t give a dime to Greenpeace, Amnesty International, or any of the organizations that sold my address and spammed me for decades after I gave them a lousy 20 bucks in college. And not a dime to any org who hires those annoying people with the clipboards who WAVE at you in the street. I hate that waving thing like poison. With whatever was left over, I’d buy land and make it park land forever. I guess a nice endowment to the Parks Department would be in order, for maintenance. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/62 "2008-10-05T20:13:00Z")
I’d employ a small army of quietly forceful individuals who’d go around reminding people that there is no good reason why they shouldn’t pick up a phone and call their elderly parents or grandparents, even more so if the oldies are living in an old folks home. “Busy lifestyle” be damned, show some fucking respect. This mini-rant was brought to you by a conversation today with my ex who just arranged a funeral for a 95-year-old woman who hadn’t had a visitor in the 21st century. The woman had four children and umpteen other descendants who obviously couldn’t give a fuck. Well, your mum didn’t die a lonely old woman, being active in her little community until near the end, but she ached to hear things about how her family were doing - but not a peep, not a phone call, not a card. Hope you are happy you utter heartless ungrateful cunts. (Sorry if this isn’t appropriate for this thread, btw) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/63 "2008-10-05T20:15:38Z")
Does “Blow stuff up” count as using it for yourself? I would like to do truly spectacular crashes and demolitions and invite the world to watch. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/64 "2008-10-05T22:03:27Z")
> [@Harmonious\_Discord](#): > > I notice nobody has decided to check the box on their tax form stating you’d like to make a donation to reduce the national debt. I always thought it’s strange that people say the taxman doesn’t have a sense of humor. See post 10. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/65 "2008-10-05T22:45:53Z")
I would set up a private school here in Michigan that would be the Harvard of the Elementary - High School education. ( And it would be in my hometown.) It would be fashioned somewhat after the British Prep Schools. I would steal the best Japanese and German engineers away from BMW/Honda/Toyota/Whatever and bring them to MIchigan to completely overhall the Motor City’s craptacular car image and making not only fuel effiecient cars and trucks, but electric cars that are affordable and durable for Winter driving. Also located in my home town. I would pave Michigan roads so that they aren’t so potholey and set up some kind of train system from the Burbs of Detroit to Traverse City ( and other vacation spots along both coast lines.) so people could vacation without driving. (There would be a golf cart or bike law enacted in in TVC, where no cars are allowed or a dedicated bike path installed statewide.) And train service from the burbs to Ann Arbor, Lansing and all the other colleges in state. I would set up an educational system for the orphans over in Russia as they have barely any education when they leave the orphanage at the age of 16-18 ( I can’t remember) and 80% turn to drugs, alcohol and prostitution to cope and survive. I would rebuild our school district in every sense and donate buttloads to a variety of Appalachian Schools. _I would also strive to build the most amazing public library in the world_, and locate it in my home town or just donate gobs of money to the American Libraries across the country for them to fill their shelfs and update their systems. I would also donate gobs of money to teach knitting to children. (because I loves it.) I would upgrade the servers of the SDMB. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2008, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/66 "2008-10-06T02:41:00Z")
Giant silly mustache shaped zepplins that will cruse around Mt. Rushmore forever making Thomas Jefferson look kind of like Charles Bronson. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2008, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/67 "2008-10-06T11:47:26Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > See post 10. Very similar. It’s checking the tax form box and writing in one billion dollars that I find funny. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/68 "2008-10-06T17:05:38Z")
Another thought: I would try to bribe people to betray their publicly stated principles or positions. Basically, see what it would cost to get them to publicly renounce what they’ve stood for for many years. Some ideas along these lines: 1. Get Ralph Nader to claim that the market should be the only regulator of consumer products. 2. Get John McCain to call for nationalizing the country’s banks. And call for an immediate withdrawl from Iraq. 3. Get Barack Obama to claim that no further change is needed, we are just right as we are now. 4. Get the CEO of GM to say his cars are for shit, and quit in disgust. Stuff like that, for giggles. ---
**Author:** ![phil417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/6bbea6/32.png) [@phil417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phil417)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2008, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/69 "2008-10-07T06:51:30Z")
I would divide it five ways among my favorite charitable organizations: 1. The Eastern Michigan Food Bank – they can take one dollar and turn it into fourteen dollars’ worth of food for local families. 2. The YWCA Safehouse 3. The Genesee County Humane Society 4. LOVE, Inc. This is a church-based charity that benefits the needy & hurting in the area. 5. Harvest House – a local shelter for the homeless. Love, Phil ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/70 "2008-10-07T16:25:43Z")
I was going to say I’d spend it all funding schools and health clinics and libraries. Then I read this: > [@](#): > > Indirect benefits like this are OK. For example, you could watch a huge fireworks display that you paid for. So now I’m tempted to finance a Jessica Alba/Keira Knightly lesbian porno film. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2008, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/71 "2008-10-07T16:47:55Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > I was going to say I’d spend it all funding schools and health clinics and libraries. Then I read this:So now I’m tempted to finance a Jessica Alba/Keira Knightly lesbian porno film. That would be of benefit to all mankind! I tremble in anticipation of your generosity, and of… other things. ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/72 "2009-01-12T13:30:21Z")
I’d set up fun contests and see what the craziest things I can get people to do for money are. One specific thing I’d certainly want to do - High Stakes ‘_[Wanted](http://www.ukgameshows.com/page/index.php?title=Wanted)_’. Then, after the five years are almost up and (presumably) I can’t run any more contests I’d give the rest to medical and developmental charities (Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation would be high on the list). ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/73 "2009-01-12T16:20:37Z")
Giant Penis. I would find a city that needed jobs badly, and offer them a huge construction project. But the project would have to be a 1200 ft tall Penis. And Balls. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043/74 "2009-01-12T17:11:11Z")
I’d build a soup kitchen/consignment shop in Detroit. There are a lot of homeless people walking around and with the economy tanking as it is, there are a lot of underemployed people taking in those services as well. I’d like to be able to make a soup kitchen, but make sure the food there is very good quality. Just because people are homeless or need a helping hand doesn’t mean that they should get substandard food. Sure, that wouldn’t take a billion dollars, but a shelter might be a nice thing to build. Also, I like the idea of scholarships and with the rest, I think I’d make a webpage that would receive submissions for funding for new and interesting ideas that may need a lift. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-1-billion-dollars-that-you-couldnt-use-for-yourself-what-would-you-do/466043.md?page=3)