# If you had a hammer... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 12, 2006, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388 "2006-09-12T11:03:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/21 "2006-09-12T15:18:35Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Well I’d rather be a hammer than a nail. > > Yes I would! If you only could…you surely would. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/22 "2006-09-12T15:25:13Z")
Me and my brother, we’d throw hammers all over the place. Koopas 4 Life!!! ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/23 "2006-09-12T15:30:54Z")
I’d hammer Bob Dylan for writing “Blowin’ in the Wind” – I _hate_ hypothetical questions! ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/24 "2006-09-12T15:38:42Z")
I’d hammer on my piglet. I’d collect the seven dollars and I’d buy a big prosthetic forehead and wear it on my real head. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/25 "2006-09-12T15:43:42Z")
> [@psycat90](#): > > I’d hammer on my piglet. I’d collect the seven dollars and I’d buy a big prosthetic forehead and wear it on my real head. Well, sure! Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads! ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/26 "2006-09-12T15:46:57Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > STOP! > > Hammer time. Nope…can’t touch this. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/27 "2006-09-12T15:59:49Z")
I’d GET hammered. (not that lack of a hammer stops me at any other time, mind you…) ---
**Author:** ![if6was9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e47c2d/32.png) [@if6was9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/if6was9)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/28 "2006-09-12T16:14:18Z")
I have a hammer. Excuse me while I whip it out. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/29 "2006-09-12T16:54:35Z")
I think I’d still stick with screwing. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/30 "2006-09-12T17:52:45Z")
I’d smash Og. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/31 "2006-09-12T19:55:27Z")
If I had a hammer, I’d give a mouse a cookie. And if you give a mouse a cookie… ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/32 "2006-09-12T19:58:03Z")
> [@LunaV](#): > > If I had a hammer, I’d give a mouse a cookie. And if you give a mouse a cookie… You can smash him with the hammer while he eats? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/33 "2006-09-12T21:27:40Z")
> [@LunaV](#): > > If I had a hammer, I’d give a mouse a cookie. And if you give a mouse a cookie… He’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a mouse to bake, he’ll eat forever. Now I have a hammer, and I have a bell to ring, AND I have a song to sing! ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/34 "2006-09-12T23:44:58Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Well, sure! Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads! Throw the crib door wide. ---
**Author:** ![fisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/da6949/32.png) [@fisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fisha)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/35 "2006-09-12T23:49:40Z")
“God pounds his nails” ---
**Author:** ![ltfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@ltfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ltfire)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/36 "2006-09-12T23:50:18Z")
Assume hammer involved… A (insert ethnic) guy is pulling nails out of his apron, every other one he throws to the ground. ‘Wad are ya doin’ yells the forman. ‘Those nails have the head on the wrong end!’ ‘No…no, ya dope…those are for the other side of the house…’ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2006, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/37 "2006-09-12T23:51:50Z")
But I _do_ have a hammer. And I’m willing to hammer any time, any place. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/38 "2006-09-13T00:06:15Z")
> [@kunilou](#): > > He’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a mouse to bake, he’ll eat forever. > > Now I have a hammer, and I have a bell to ring, AND I have a song to sing! Hippie. 😛 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/39 "2006-09-13T00:24:08Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > I had a friend who was one of nine kids. She’d occasionally burst into her own rendition of that song: > > I’d hammer out Linda, Pat, Peggy, Sue and Nick…Kath, Pen, Bobbi and Joe Which one of these nine was she? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2006, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388/40 "2006-09-13T00:28:22Z")
> [@Freelancer](#): > > I’d hammer my little brother RIGHT now, he’s being annoying once again… Bang, bang, **Freelancer** ’s silver hammer came down upon his head… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-hammer/372388.md?page=3)