# If you had a time machine. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 27, 2004, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844 "2004-08-27T21:18:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SteveG1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/21 "2004-08-29T19:27:08Z")
I would use it to solve the riddles and mysteries that I’ve always wondered about. 1. What really happened to the dinosaurs? 2. How did the unverse start? Exactly when? 3. Was there an Atlantis, and where was it? 4. How did the “proto humans” survive long enough to become us, with no fur, claws, fangs, or anything else useful. It takes time to develop a big brain and weapons, what the %$#% did we do while waiting around? Then I would horde up lots of really old stuff, what would be priceless antiquities now, put em all on EBay and retire 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/22 "2004-08-29T19:58:06Z")
> [@SteveG1](#): > > I would use it to solve the riddles and mysteries that I’ve always wondered about. > > 1. What really happened to the dinosaurs? > 2. How did the unverse start? Exactly when? > 😃 1. I think they died. 2. The Time Machine limits you to Earth(you can go anywhere on earth in any time). Plus, go back to the beginning, and I don’t think there will be anything to breathe. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/23 "2004-08-29T19:59:32Z")
> [@Boyo Jim](#): > > I think I’m going to start a thread with this question, if it hasn’t already been asked: what would a world without calculus be like? Well, for one, People wouldn’t have to be annoyed by it in College _Hates Calculus, almost as much as **wisernow** does_ ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/24 "2004-08-29T21:33:13Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Well, for one, People wouldn’t have to be annoyed by it in College > > _Hates Calculus, almost as much as **wisernow** does_ [Here is the thread I’ve started about the question](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=5214886#post5214886) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/25 "2004-08-29T21:45:32Z")
And as to the OP, well, no doubt I’d check out a couple of past mysteries, but by and large I’d check out the future to make TODAY a better place, at least for me! 😃 I’d be making hops into the future to check out stock prices and medical reseach. I see no real reason I couldn’t end up owning most of the world and being immortal. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/26 "2004-08-30T02:50:47Z")
I’d go back about three million years and transplant some australopithecines to South America and southern Asia, for two reasons: First, so the local fauna could slowly adapt to the presence of tool-using bipedal hunters, so when _H. Sapiens_ made it’s debut there wouldn’t be mass extinctions. Secondly, to see if the hominid line could radiate a bit, maybe have several species of “parahumans” about. Repeat experiment with _H. Erectus_ if necessary. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/27 "2004-08-30T03:13:07Z")
- Round up some extinct creatures and make a really awesome zoo. - See **Hamlet** on its first ever opening night. - Hear Mozart live. - Go back to all those times when I thought up a witty retort hours after it was needed, and deliver my zingers at the proper moment. - Play dolls with my grandmother when she was a little girl. Also, later, attend her wedding. - I’d find the one that got away, and not let him get away this time. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/28 "2004-08-30T03:15:11Z")
> [@Zoe](#): > > 1. The Mayflower Compact and all governing laws thereafter will forbid any form of slavery and racial discrimination. > > 2. Post-WWII Palestine: Palestinians spontaneously welcome the Jewish outcasts from Europe and all agree to live side by side with each other in peace, mutual respect and sharing. Each acknowledges the sacredness of the other and they seem to develop a natural affinity for each other. > > 3. The First Constitution Convention of the United States is made up equally of men and women and has representation from Native American groups. It’s a time machine, not a genie in a bottle. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/29 "2004-08-30T03:50:55Z")
I just had a great idea. I would go back in time, and briefly kidnap the very young me. I would take mini- me forward in time, when technology has developed reliable implant technology, and I would have a transmitter implanted in the mature me, and a receiver implanted in mini-me. I would then return mini-me to just a moment later than I took me from. ;j Then I would advise me how not to fuck up so much in life. I would periodically appear in my own ear with advice based on having lived through the experience. When the time machine is invented, I’ll be the wealthy powerful patron who funds it. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/30 "2004-08-30T06:23:43Z")
> [@Lumpy](#): > > I’d go back about three million years and transplant some australopithecines to South America and southern Asia, for two reasons: First, so the local fauna could slowly adapt to the presence of tool-using bipedal hunters, so when _H. Sapiens_ made it’s debut there wouldn’t be mass extinctions. Secondly, to see if the hominid line could radiate a bit, maybe have several species of “parahumans” about. Repeat experiment with _H. Erectus_ if necessary. I was going to post that I would go back and force large scale breeding between Neanderthals and humans and hope for the best but I like your idea so much better. This is easily the coolest suggeston in the entire thread. ---
**Author:** ![fishbicycle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aeb1de/32.png) [@fishbicycle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fishbicycle)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/31 "2004-08-30T07:09:42Z")
Since you guys are doing all the important stuff, I’d kind of like to have a box of Elvis’ “That’s All Right” unplayed 78s on Sun. I’d go back to Memphis the week the record came out, and buy 50 or 100 of them from Sam Phillips. Matter of fact, I’d buy a box of each record by all the blues artists who went on to fame, and some who didn’t. Early Chess records when they were still the Aristocrat label. I’d pay a couple hundred bucks for one of the first production Les Paul guitars, and get some original Fender Telecasters and Stratocasters and Jaguars and Precision Basses, and some Fender Tweed amplifiers. Here’s where I’d like to alter the time line - I’d go back to that fateful evening and sit up with Jimi Hendrix, or hide his sleeping pills. ---
**Author:** ![START](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@START](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/START)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/32 "2004-08-30T07:10:37Z")
1. Go about 5 years into the future and get the screen plays for blockbuster films and sell them in the present. 2. Go into the future and find one thing to “invent”. 3. Foil the September 11th plot. 4. Go back in time and beat up the school bully from 4th grade. ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2004, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/33 "2004-08-30T19:09:02Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Well, if you get Jesus to listen, that gets rid of Paul right there. Mohammend is iffy. Well, I thought about that, but then I decided that Jesus wasn’t absolutely necessary for Paul’s shtick. Having a genius for this sort of thing, he could easily have cranked up a religion based on some other sect. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/34 "2004-08-31T00:03:06Z")
I’d wack the guy who invented that Most Dangerous Device, burn his notes, then destroy the machine. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/35 "2004-08-31T00:33:29Z")
I think that I would do things just to fuck with later archeologists and historians. Like take a bunch of plastic Star Wars action figures a million years back in time and bury them somewhere that I knew an important archeological dig was to take place. Or perhaps I could arrange to be in some of the very earliest photographs prominently holding a Starbucks coffee cup. That sort of thing. v ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/36 "2004-08-31T01:06:13Z")
I would: 1. Go back to that fateful moment when I should have told The One That Got Away that I loved him. We may still have ended up a big, flaming wreckage, but I would know that I said what I had to say. 2. Go back to the year my grandma died and make that airline reservation in the spring to spend a week with her, getting everything about her 94 years on earth down, instead of assuming I had until Christmas to go see her. She died suddenly that summer. 3. Go back to that bar in New Orleans and NOT start smoking. 4. Go back to the day in high school when I fucked up a very important friendship and tell myself that heartbreak will trump pride everytime. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/37 "2004-08-31T02:07:49Z")
First: I’ll drop myself off on my Grandpa’s front steps, early on some Friday night that summer when I was 15. I’ll walk the three blocks to the Friday night dance and see what’s happening. Since I’m already back there in time, I’ll stay through the whole weekend and play the hand out. Sometime over the course of this weekend I’ll say a few things to Grandpa and Grandma, nice things they deserved and I never said. By Sunday night I’ll be ready to come back to the present. Second: I’d be swimming in the sea off of Catalina Island on the night of November 28, 1981. There I’d save Natalie Wood from drowning. She’d be ever so grateful and realize that I was the one she was meant to spend her life with. She’d dump that stupid Robert Wagner and Natalie and I would live happily ever after. Third: Having accomplished these two treasured dreams, I’d have no further interest in altering the past. I can do these fun, selfish things without guilt because you previous posters have saved civilization, rescued Hemmingway from the depths of depression and ended religious intolerance, to name just a few remarkable achievments. 😉 Thinkin’ about it, I’d make these two trips into the past and these two only, even if y’all hadn’t fixed the other things. I’ve seen the Law of Unintended Consequences operate too often to risk changing a whole lot. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/38 "2004-08-31T03:24:10Z")
So, we’re limited to Earth and we don’t have spacecraft? Well, that makes things a bit more contained. [ul] [li]First, be a tourist. Go through the past and just bum around as an average schmuck. Focus on the 20th Century, especially all of the World’s Fairs and Expositions and all of that. Visit famous authors at their peak, such as Hemingway in Paris and Kipling in Canada (he didn’t write much about it, but when he was writing about India he was living there). Fix up some famously wasted lives, like Monroe, Turing, Joyce, Hemingway, Hendrix, and Elvis. Kill Mark David Chapman, Lee Harvey Oswald, and John Wilkes Booth, and host a cage match to the death between Hitler and Stalin.[/li][li]Make a pot in land speculation beginning in the early 1800s America. Go into prospecting and inventing, but not stock market speculation: The stock market is too volatile, and my machniations would just ruin my foreknowledge. Invent the gallium-arsenide transistor in the 1920s, when electricity is becoming common, and make IBM defunct with my Electrical-Process Computing and Tabulating Machines. That racist SOB Shockley doesn’t deserve the credit. Hide my money in different places, put it in banks that won’t fail, etc., and maintain my wealth throughout history. Of course, all of these changes will negate my previous work, so I’ll be able to make a mint selling alternate history stories to Hugo Gernsback.[/li][li]Live in my altered future, going back and fixing things as they happen. Inventing solid-state electronics in the 1920s will push physics out further and faster, simply so it can explain what the hell is up with semiconductors. Einstein will get help from me personally, and his Nobel Prize will be for his work in the theory of transistors. I’ll be able to jump-start quantum theory in the 1940s, which won’t be marred by any unfortunate conflicts, and we’ll all be running Plan 9 systems on fast desktop machines in the 1950s.[/li][li]Give Goddard plenty of funding with the stipulation that he design jet planes that can become orbital, to jump-start space travel and get humans into space in force in the 1930s. By the 1940s, computer technology would be advanced enough to support a permanent space station, which would provide a jumping-off point for more advances. No pointless Moon Race, just an orderly progression into the unknown. [/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![1010011010](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/1/ea666f/32.png) [@1010011010](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/1010011010)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/39 "2004-08-31T04:09:44Z")
I’d like to see how the world would be different if… 1. The Library at Alexandria was not lost and/or the Dark Ages never occurred. 2. The _American Pie_ didn’t crash and/or Buddy Holly et al. decided to drive 3. Various historical figures had died sooner or lived longer. 4. All the piddling little stuff I’d like to play with about my own life. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844/40 "2004-08-31T04:32:12Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > I’d like to see how the world would be different if… > > 1. The Library at Alexandria was not lost and/or the Dark Ages never occurred. I touched upon the library theme in the first post. I’d love to see what was in there. I just hope the books weren’t the egyption equilvent of Danille Steele. The Dark ages are tougher, as you’d need to keep the Western Roman Empire from going down the drain. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-time-machine/261844.md?page=3)