# If you had a trillion dollars... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 13, 2003, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797 "2003-02-13T11:05:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![TV\_Casualty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c67d28/32.png) [@TV\_Casualty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_Casualty)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/1 "2003-02-13T11:05:08Z")
…what would you do with it? OK, it’s a cliched question, and it’s probably been done to death on this board, but anyway. My choices… I’d make a movie. I wonder what a trillion dollar movie would look like. Buy people at random off the street Dress like a bum, go into nice places, get kicked out, buy them, fire everyone in them, and blow them up with TNT I would set up eveyone thats decent I know for life. I also would like to do what Elvis did once. I would go to a new car dealer see some random person looking a new car. I would be like…" You like that car?" Them “Yeah?” Me " I tell you what, I’m gonna buy you that car." I would buy a lot of porn. A LOT. I would buy a Hairer Jet armed to the teeth. Jessica Alba. Naked and petrified. Covered with hot grits. I’d buy a solid gold house and a rocket car. And I’d heat my solid gold house in the winter with my hundred dollar bill-burning stove. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@The\_Calculus\_of\_Logic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Calculus_of_Logic)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/2 "2003-02-13T11:10:24Z")
donate 95% of it to charity. Use the other 5 percent to overthrow a small country in the 3rd world and make myself dictator. Did you know both the moonie cult & scientology cult have tried & failed to overthrow governments around the world? ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/3 "2003-02-13T11:10:58Z")
Pay off our student loans and credit cards. Then, with the $12 we’d have left… ---
**Author:** ![II\_Gyan\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@II\_Gyan\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/II_Gyan_II)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/4 "2003-02-13T11:22:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by The Calculus of Logic \* > **donate 95% of it to charity.** Would you trust charities to properly utilize $ 950 billion ? ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/5 "2003-02-13T11:42:04Z")
Pay off the bills of everyone I am close to, buy them cars and homes in one happy community. Invest a portion in various ways so that I will continue to make money no matter what happens. Buy the largest Island I can find for sale, and set up my own island nation. Move my friends and such there, if they’ll come. Have one of the most impressive weapons collections in private hands today. Spend a considerable amount of my time training in various martial arts, as is my dream. Create an independent space program with the goal of an orbital habitat and such. Beyond that, I’m not sure. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/6 "2003-02-13T12:38:58Z")
A: Ditto for Independent Space Program. B: Buy Hasbro. Manage Wizards of the Coast and the Transformers and GI Joe lines properly. C: Give friends money, make movie, open gaming store, send people to college, save people from starvation, pay for some medical bills, the usual. ---
**Author:** ![kitarak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kitarak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kitarak)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/7 "2003-02-13T13:22:41Z")
Well. To start with it would take me rather a long time to stop grinning maniacally. Fund an educational institution which goes from pre-school to post-graduate and teaches things properly. Teachers would be well paid and hand selected, extensive feedback from students, etc. Be extremely generous to all my friends. Invest large portions of it. And, just because I could, deliberately and maliciously drive Microsoft and AOL out of business. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/8 "2003-02-13T13:28:29Z")
Quit my job, and spend my life being the high bidder on ebay! ---
**Author:** ![gouda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c77e96/32.png) [@gouda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gouda)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/9 "2003-02-13T13:47:36Z")
**If I had a trillion dollars…** … I’d probably wake up before I got to do all the fun stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Phlosphr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Phlosphr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phlosphr)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/10 "2003-02-13T14:03:53Z")
\*If I had a trillion dollars, if I had a trillion dollars, I’d buy me a K car - a real nice automobile - If I had a trillion dollars IF I HAD A TRILLION DOLLARS You know, we could just go there and hang out Where there’d be foods all layed out for us, With little pre-wrapped sausages and things If I had a trillion dollars Well I’d buy you a fur coat If I had a trillion dollars Well I’d buy an exotic pet If I had a trillion dollars I’D BE RICH!!!\* ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/11 "2003-02-13T14:08:49Z")
I want a trillion dollar bill, just like C. Montgomery Burns had (before he handed it over to Fidel Castro). ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/12 "2003-02-13T14:14:02Z")
Buy and island and set up my own libertarian nation - just to prove it will work. Buy military facilities (so that, and someone has to say it…all your base are belong to me!) ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/13 "2003-02-13T14:14:14Z")
_…I’d buy you a green dress! (but not a real green dress, that’s cruel.")_ Buy a medium-ish house. Give at least $2 million to the college I attended, because they’re really broke right now. Set up a bunch of scholarships, donate to all the local charities. Get my wisdom teeth extracted. Then I’d sit and think about what to do with the rest of it. ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/14 "2003-02-13T14:21:28Z")
I would buy the Chicago Cubs and win the World Series within 3 years. I would then sell them and buy the Boston Red Sox and never let them win the World Series. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/15 "2003-02-13T14:22:15Z")
Buy a house. Set my buddy up with the after hours club he wants to open. Travel the world. Set my Mom up with a house. Buy Dad the Zodiac he’s always wanted. Invest a bunch. Go to university. Whichever one I want, that I can get into and has interesting courses. Just for fun, not for actual job stuff. Set up a _huge_ library in my house of any book I’ve ever read and liked. And any book that interests me to read soon. Set up a library for my Mom too. Buy my brother a car. Learn how to drive myself and buy myself a car. I’ll figure out what else I want to do with it later. ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/16 "2003-02-13T14:25:37Z")
Give it to my Mom. She’d make me do it anyways. [sub](Guess who’s still bitter about having to hand over all her Chinese New Year’s red-envelope money?)[sub] ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/17 "2003-02-13T14:27:47Z")
> [@](#): > > I would buy a Hairer Jet armed to the teeth. I’ve heard the wealthy can be eccentric, but a jet covered in hair? That’s odd. 😃 [sub]yes, I know you meant Harrier[/sub] I’d pay someone to come in and remodel my house exactly the way I like it. I’d give lots of money to my family members. I’d have someone make a large shop in my back yard, fully air-conditioned, and have a dozen networked computers ready to play the latest games. I would give random strangers money. I would go to a car lot and buy every car in the lot. Actually, I’d pay someone to do that for me. With that kind of money, I’m not going to sit around doing paperwork. Then, I’d give all those cars to poor people and/or worthy charities. I’d buy about five of every Castlemold Bruce Hirst makes. And 500 lbs of dental plaster. Then I’d hire someone to sit and help me cast bricks and build buildings. Then I’d need another workshop out back to hold all the terrain and buildings I’d have made. I’d put comfortable chairs in there and just play D&D there, too. ---
**Author:** ![Beija](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a8b319/32.png) [@Beija](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beija)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/18 "2003-02-13T14:43:42Z")
If I had a trillion dollars, I’d keep my life pretty much the way it is, just a little nicer. I’d buy out the neighbors on either side of us and make our house a bit bigger than it is now (separate offices for my husband and me would be nice, for instance). I’d put in a pool, outdoor kitchen, guesthouse, game room, etc.–mostly fun stuff for being with friends/family. I’d make sure everyone in my family was financially secure. None of that would even make a dent. I’d invest most of what’s left and then put a few billion into a fund for the town I live in (no more property taxes!). I’d build new schools (or improve existing ones) for the kids and make sure they have everything they need, including well-paid, excellent quality teachers. My son would continue to go to public school and my husband would continue to work (he drives me nuts when he’s underfoot all the time!). I’d have a full-time job just managing all that money. And they lived happily ever after. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/19 "2003-02-13T14:45:30Z")
I’d probably also buy a private jet, just for the convenience of being able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. Other than that, my desires are pretty low. But I will say this: I won’t worry if I don’t have $25 worth of stuff at Amazon. **I’ll pay for shipping!** ---
**Author:** ![Jessity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jessity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jessity)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2003, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797/20 "2003-02-13T15:16:28Z")
Oh, I’d pay off my student loans and credit card bills. Send my parents on their dream vacation while their dream home is being built on their dream property. They’d have to be vacationing in their dream vehicles, of course, as my mother is terrified of flying. Put some money in a trust for my little brother that he can’t touch until he has _some_ kind of degree. Set aside money for my nephew’s college education. I’d buy a new truck and get in it and start driving. Whichever direction tickled my fancy that day. I’d see the United States and find somewhere to settle down and build a house. Of course, my kick ass basement would be complete with a small bowling alley. . . [Frogger](http://www.quarterarcade.com/Game.aspx/163), a [jukebox](http://www.forgamesetc.com/wurlitzer.htm), and other games such as [this](http://www.forgamesetc.com/images/Videogames/stadium_cross.jpg). I’d have to have a huge library in my house, as well as a hot tub. . . and a gigantic home entertainment system. I think I’d buy some property here in Columbus and build some _more_ apartments for students. . . I also think I’d open up a sports bar/bar and grill type place. I think it’d be fun to bartend, so I’d do that some when I got tired of playing with my toys. Oh, and I’d get a houseboy who’d rub my back and do the dishes. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-a-trillion-dollars/154797.md?page=2)