# If you had infinite monkeys with typewriters... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 23, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842 "2008-09-23T15:37:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/1 "2008-09-23T15:37:24Z")
… what would you use them for? Getting the works of Shakespeare is, of course, a waste of them since you can just go to the corner bookstore and get them. Getting the LOST works of Shakespeare shouldn’t work either since you wouldn’t know if they were the real thing or just some other random text. Ditto for all fact finding, from meatloaf recipes to racetrack results or cancer cures. You just have no way of knowing if you are looking at the real thing. Would there be any practical use for them? I mean, sure, great conversation piece for your next cocktail party but how about something you could get a buck from? Assume you have the appropriate search tools and are not stuck forever in a Borges library setting trying to find something amidst mountains of random scribble. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/2 "2008-09-23T15:38:21Z")
Well I think Vern Troyer would have to be involved. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/3 "2008-09-23T15:38:29Z")
I had a thought the other day that is either really profound or really shallow. The infinite monkeys and infinite typewriters and infinite time thing… hasn’t it happened already? I mean, here we are. And look! There’s some Shakespeare. ---
**Author:** ![Carnacki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b5e925/32.png) [@Carnacki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnacki)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/4 "2008-09-23T15:50:48Z")
Poor monkeys. I’d upgrade them to at least an Apple II c. Then I’d hook them up with some Frogger and let them go bananas. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/5 "2008-09-23T15:52:23Z")
> [@](#): > > Assume you have the appropriate search tools and are not stuck forever in a Borges library setting trying to find something amidst mountains of random scribble. The problem isn’t the random scribble – it’s the stuff that loks reasonable until you get to something that looks good but isn’t. Like the recipe for meatloaf that calls for 2 pounds of lean ground meat, one egg, one chopped onion, one can of tomato paste, and a gallon of paint thinner. Just because you can type it doesn’t mean that it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/6 "2008-09-23T15:54:46Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > The problem isn’t the random scribble – it’s the stuff that loks reasonable until you get to something that looks good but isn’t. Like the recipe for meatloaf that calls for 2 pounds of lean ground meat, one egg, one chopped onion, one can of tomato paste, and a gallon of paint thinner. > Just because you can type it doesn’t mean that it’s true. Exactly, that is the basic premise of my OP. Factual answers of any kind are out of the question for this reason. ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/7 "2008-09-23T15:57:28Z")
> [@Carnacki](#): > > poor **monkeys**. I’d upgrade them to at least an apple ii c. > > Then i’d hook them up with some frogger and let them go **bananas**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/8 "2008-09-23T15:59:23Z")
Monkey fights. I wouldn’t let them use the typewriters as weapons though (too dangerous). Maybe they could keep score, or I could use them to put out a Monkey Fight Monthly newsletter. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/9 "2008-09-23T16:05:58Z")
If you had some way to find coherent (as opposed to random gobbledydock) texts you could read them as original works, the trouble would be finding good ones. For example buried in the infinite amount of books written there may be a better fantasy novel than all published until now (except for LOTR of course, there can be none better), trouble is, how do you find it? ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/10 "2008-09-23T16:14:03Z")
The first thing I’d do is hire someone to clean up all the apeshit. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/11 "2008-09-23T16:20:30Z")
At minimum, infinite monkeys + infinite typewriters = infinite energy. Hook up a few million of those typewriters to a generator and rule the global electricity market. Also, infinite monkey- and typewriter-derived resources. Lean, savory monkey meat! Organs and tissues for medical experimentation! What kind of typewriters are these? Underwoods? Selectric? An unlimited supply of refined metals! If each typewriter has only one sheet of paper, that’s infinite paper! You can take as many as you want, and it doesn’t matter! Because they’re infinite! Also, monkey poo is excellent fertilizer. You would be the greatest poo magnate of all time. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/12 "2008-09-23T16:23:02Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > At minimum, infinite monkeys + infinite typewriters = infinite energy. Hook up a few million of those typewriters to a generator and rule the global electricity market. > > Also, infinite monkey- and typewriter-derived resources. Lean, savory monkey meat! Organs and tissues for medical experimentation! What kind of typewriters are these? Underwoods? Selectric? An unlimited supply of refined metals! If each typewriter has only one sheet of paper, that’s infinite paper! You can take as many as you want, and it doesn’t matter! Because they’re infinite! > > Also, monkey poo is excellent fertilizer. You would be the greatest poo magnate of all time. I think you may be taking the op’s premise a little too literally… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/13 "2008-09-23T16:23:52Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > The first thing I’d do is hire someone to clean up all the apeshit. Maybe you could train some of the other monkeys to do it? ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/14 "2008-09-23T16:23:55Z")
Wait… We’re the Monkeys! DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL! ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/15 "2008-09-23T16:35:48Z")
**Frodo** , I thought that original works of literature would be the only reasonable use for this. You could ask for haikus about red helicopters with sardines that don’t mention donkeys or flashlights, and choose from those. Longer works might be harder. Maybe if your search device could somehow screen for internal coherence, grammar , absurd ideas and all that… Any way you slice it, in the end it would have to come down to the search engine somehow bringing it down to a finite (and preferably small) set of results for you to peruse and choose. Still, probably better and faster than paying writers. > [@Terrifel](#): > > At minimum, infinite monkeys + infinite typewriters = infinite energy. Hook up a few million of those typewriters to a generator and rule the global electricity market. > > Also, infinite monkey- and typewriter-derived resources. Lean, savory monkey meat! Organs and tissues for medical experimentation! What kind of typewriters are these? Underwoods? Selectric? An unlimited supply of refined metals! If each typewriter has only one sheet of paper, that’s infinite paper! You can take as many as you want, and it doesn’t matter! Because they’re infinite! > > Also, monkey poo is excellent fertilizer. You would be the greatest poo magnate of all time. No shit!. And no paper or meat either. Yeah I thought of all these. And then I thought of the potential for harassment of infinite monkeys on someone’s back or simply all screaming. So let’s change it to having the text output of all the monkeys, as opposed to the monkeys themselves. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/16 "2008-09-23T16:40:37Z")
> [@Lobsang](#): > > Wait… > We’re the Monkeys! And people say we monkey around, But we’re too busy singin’ To put anybody down. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/17 "2008-09-23T17:23:51Z")
Yes, monkeys would sell for a tidy price to medical labs. Typrewriters would make for scrap metal. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/18 "2008-09-23T17:25:45Z")
They would become my personal army of typewriter wielding monkey soldiers. And since I have been given an infinite supply, the world would soon be mine. (Sorry Skald) ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/19 "2008-09-23T18:27:35Z")
> [@Argent\_Towers](#): > > The first thing I’d do is hire someone to clean up all the apeshit. But somewhere in their infinite output is a way to power a fusion reactor on ape shit. Find that text and you’re golden! ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2008, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842/20 "2008-09-23T18:37:16Z")
I had this actually. Unfortunatly one of the monkeys wrote out the killing joke, in monkey, and they all died. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-infinite-monkeys-with-typewriters/464842.md?page=2)