# If you had Jedi Powers-pointless and stupid things you'd do **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 8, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918 "2002-06-08T00:52:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/1 "2002-06-08T00:52:30Z")
Since this is sort of a poll, I figured it would best go here, rather than CS or MPSIMS. Okay, I was reading one of the X-Wing series books and one of the Wraiths said that if he had the smallest ability in the Force, he’d use it to scratch the middle of his back during long flights. That got me to thinking. I would: Go back, find childhood bullies in public and use the Force to yank their pants down in front of everyone ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/2 "2002-06-08T01:19:45Z")
Make beggars leave me alone. ---
**Author:** ![Semp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Semp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Semp)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/3 "2002-06-08T01:57:35Z")
“Hey Bob, I was just talking to our supervisor and he told me that I can’ t take next Friday off because you’ll be off that day too.” “Oh, really?” _“You don’t really need next Friday off.”_ “I don’t really need next Friday off.” _“You were just going to be sitting around in your underwear watching porn, anyway.”_ “I was just going to be sitting around in my underwear watching porn, anyway.” _“Don’t you think you would rather let me have that day off?”_ “Hey, I could take off Monday instead, you could have Friday.” _“And you won’t needing that porn, now, will you?”_ “And hey, why don’t… _blink_blink\*Why do you keep waving your hand at me like that?” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/4 "2002-06-08T02:00:29Z")
Make drivers use their freakin’ turn signals or drive into a ditch if they don’t. Cause cell phones to fly out their owners’ hands and under the wheels of their cars. ---
**Author:** ![Eternal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecb155/32.png) [@Eternal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eternal)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/5 "2002-06-08T02:16:33Z")
I’d take over the world and then, having taken it over, would abdicate and mope in my room for lack of things to do. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/6 "2002-06-08T02:49:23Z")
I’d stage impressive light saber battles in public places to impress chicks. It’s the Jedi way. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/7 "2002-06-08T02:57:53Z")
I’d bet heavily on sporting events, then influence the outcome. ---
**Author:** ![ResIpsaLoquitor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b3f665/32.png) [@ResIpsaLoquitor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ResIpsaLoquitor)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/8 "2002-06-08T02:58:49Z")
Peer into the future and find out what messages other Dopers were going to post. Then I’d post the same message, just to freak people out. Also, finish every video game I’ve never beaten. Figure those force-reflexes would be good for that. ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/9 "2002-06-08T03:07:04Z")
If I could steal a line from Obi-wan… Telemarketer: Hello, I’m calling from Huge-Credit-Card Company International, and I’d like to– **Atreyu** : You need to go home and rethink your life. Telemarketer: I need to go home and rethink my life. ::click:: ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/47e85d/32.png) [@Captain\_Lance\_Murdoch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Lance_Murdoch)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/10 "2002-06-08T03:50:29Z")
A light saber would make yard work a snap! Well… it WOULD! I would also use mind control on George Lucas to stop him from writing more idiotic dialogue. ---
**Author:** ![drm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e57/32.png) [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/11 "2002-06-08T03:54:07Z")
I’d remove those blasted liners inside bottle caps, hassle free! ---
**Author:** ![Anemone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/46a35a/32.png) [@Anemone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anemone)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/12 "2002-06-08T04:20:23Z")
I’d wave my light saber around to distract people when a conversation no longer interested me. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/13 "2002-06-08T05:23:17Z")
I actually once had a mental debate,about if I had Jedi Telekinesis. Would I levitate the remote control over to my hand, or would I just mind press the buttons on the front of the TV all night. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/14 "2002-06-08T05:42:52Z")
Hmmm - The dealers here are friendly and give you good service\* “The dealers here are friendly and give me good service.” _You would like to make some bets for us_ “I would like to make some bets for you guys!” _Line bet with full odds, fifteen dollars across and all the hardways for the boys_ “I’m going to give you guys a line bet with full odds, and tell ya what, (throws money in) put up fifteen across and all the hardways for the boys.” Oh, yeah, and those dice are going to get really hot. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/15 "2002-06-08T05:51:35Z")
Hmmm - The dealers here are friendly and give you good service\* “The dealers here are friendly and give me good service.” _You would like to make some bets for us_ “I would like to make some bets for you guys!” _Line bet with full odds, fifteen dollars across and all the hardways for the boys_ “I’m going to give you guys a line bet with full odds, and tell ya what, (throws money in) put up fifteen across and all the hardways for the boys.” Oh, yeah, and those dice are going to get really hot. ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/16 "2002-06-08T06:33:08Z")
I’d head over to Hollywood, and barge into the studio execs’ offices, waving my saber wildly. _The 70’s are over. You will stop making crappy movies about old sitcoms._ “The 70’s are over. I will stop making crappy movies about old sitcoms.” _You don’t need to make “Jawanna Mann” or remake “Mr. Deeds” with Adam Sandler._ “I don’t need to make ‘Jawanna Mann’ or remake ‘Mr. Deeds’ with Adam Sandler.” _The next time Tom Green sets foot on the lot, you will have him shot. In the other testicle._ “The next time Tom Green sets foot on the lot, I will have him shot. In the other testicle.” _You will cast me in a sex scene with Jessica Alba. Here’s a script I wrote._ “Thank you, sir. My secretary will contact you shortly about a convenient shooting schedule.” ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/17 "2002-06-08T06:48:32Z")
I just want to be able to do the levitation trick. Next time somebody started having a loud cell phone conversation in a public place around me, I’d just raise the phone up about six feet. And if it was in a theater or some other place where you’re supposed to be quiet, I’d levitate their clothes, too. Think they’d get the hint? ---
**Author:** ![ianzin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ed655f/32.png) [@ianzin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ianzin)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/18 "2002-06-08T11:50:14Z")
I think I’d use the force to sense exactly who Cecil is. Oh, and to make any telemarketer’s phone explode. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/19 "2002-06-08T13:34:51Z")
“… Clinton was a gooooood president…” Then again, the dark-force negativity among certain Clinton-bashers may be too powerful to overcome. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2002, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918/20 "2002-06-08T13:43:27Z")
I actually just saw Attack of the Clones last night. During the bar scene, where Obi Wan has the drug dealer rethink his life, my friend Emily leaned over to me and said: “Damn, that would be increadibly useful when skany men are hitting on you.” “So would the light sabre.” Swiddles said. I would probably also drive really fast, knowing I could sense cops. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-jedi-powers-pointless-and-stupid-things-youd-do/112918.md?page=2)