# IF you had to be eaten to death by an animal, what animal would you choose?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 30, 2017, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367 "2017-03-30T19:24:16Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/21 "2017-03-30T20:47:02Z")
Siberian Tiger is pretty good, due to the quickness of the neck bite.
But Kodiak Bear is even better, just due to the sheer power imbalance. A Kodiak Bear can kill you in 1/10th of a second without even trying.
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### Author:  [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/22 "2017-03-30T20:50:43Z")
Sorry, but I don’t believe in the no-win scenario. I would re-program the situation so that it is possible to escape.
But, if I have to answer in the spirit of the OP, a school of piranhas sounds like the quickest way to go.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/23 "2017-03-30T20:51:34Z")
I would go with a giant snake, instead of suffocating they have determined they actually cut off blood flow to the brain which is even quicker.
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### Author:  [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/24 "2017-03-30T20:53:04Z")
> [@Lemur866](#):
>
> Siberian Tiger is pretty good, due to the quickness of the neck bite.
>
> But Kodiak Bear is even better, just due to the sheer power imbalance. A Kodiak Bear can kill you in 1/10th of a second without even trying.
If the cat feels you are easy he may choose to play with you a while.
Kodiak bears will often eat their prey alive
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### Author:  [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/25 "2017-03-30T21:00:22Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#):
>
> If the cat feels you are easy he may choose to play with you a while.
>
> Kodiak bears will often eat their prey alive
Yeah, I had heard that about bears, so I chose tiger, instead. Wanna be dead before the critter starts chowin’ down.
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### Author:  [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/26 "2017-03-30T21:26:04Z")
Polar bear, and the bigger and ornerier the better. One swipe of that snowshoe sized paw and your head rolls off your body.
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### Author:  [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_Arachnid_Laser_1)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/27 "2017-03-30T21:39:27Z")
I wouldn’t pick cats. Watching mine, they are all about prolonging painful death for as long as possible.
Give me the wolves, please.
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### Author:  [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/28 "2017-03-30T22:02:25Z")
I’m thinking anaconda as well. However, How quick/painless might you die from something venomous?
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### Author:  [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/29 "2017-03-30T22:11:48Z")
> [@Turpentine](#):
>
> I would pick an anaconda. Rather than getting my arms ripped off or my throat ripped out, it doesn’t seem so awful the way a constrictor kills its prey. I would be squeezed until I suffocated, and totally dead by the time the swallowing part happens.
The “squeezed until I suffocated” bit is a horrific way to die. I’d go for whichever large mammal is most likely to bite my throat out - a lion or tiger, I guess.
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### Author:  [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/30 "2017-03-30T22:30:55Z")
I’m going to go with blue-ringed octopus. Probably a decent number of them as per rule 4. They wouldn’t normally eat a human, but as per rule 2, they need only be theoretically capable of doing so.
A single bite from the blue-ringed octopus, you see, can kill within a minute due to its venom. If enough of them to eat me attacked me, I’m pretty sure the venom would finish me off in well under a minute.
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### Author:  [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/31 "2017-03-30T22:35:04Z")
Large Cat such as lion or tiger, or large constrictor. Anything else just seems too horrifying to me.
Sigh, I’ve been having enough trouble sleeping lately, then I had to go and read this thread when I knew better.
shakes fist at RickJay in mock outrage
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### Author:  [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/32 "2017-03-30T22:37:53Z")
For those choosing big cat, let it be noted that it has been observed that dieing by suffocation from a neck hold can take multiple minutes. Whereas being shredded alive by a clan of Spotted Hyenas or a pack of African Wild Dogs, while far messier, is usually over in seconds.
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### Author:  [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/33 "2017-03-30T22:43:23Z")
I thought lion, too, ( [how about this one? This is how it will probably look in your last seconds…)](http://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/lion-attack-photo-portrait-wildlife-photography-atif-saeed-2.jpg) but you guys have sold me on an anaconda. On second thought, make that a smaller snake, like a python. No need for me to die with cracked ribs all over, when a python will just choke my neck and be done with it.
Not sure a mid-sized python can eat a substantial part of me after my death, though…
Edited to add: they can and do ! [( Warning: graphic video of missing Indian plantation worker being cut out of a large python that ate him. Not pretty. )](http://www.indiatimes.com/news/weird/python-swallows-a-man-in-indonesia-villagers-slice-open-the-snake-to-find-his-body-274535.html)
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### Author:  [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)
#### Post date: [March 30, 2017, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/34 "2017-03-30T22:51:59Z")
I’ll put in another vote for the killer whale. Their giant mouth will remove a large section of your body in a single bite and rip. The down side is they are likely to strike the center of your body or a leg so it’ll be a toss up between bleeding to death and the second orca removing something else. Of course you could get lucky and go head first then it would be instantaneous.
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### Author:  [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/35 "2017-03-31T00:17:22Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#):
>
> I’m going with a Bengal Tiger, because while dying I could admire his beautiful coat.
> [@Go\_Arachnid\_Laser](#):
>
> I wouldn’t pick cats. Watching mine, they are all about prolonging painful death for as long as possible.
>
> Give me the wolves, please.
After pondering how my cats also like to torture their prey, I’m moving away from the Bengal Tiger as my killer. I’d like to be killed by a pack of Komodo Dragons. Their venom will put me into shock in short order, then they’ll rip me to shreds in a matter of seconds.
I saw one of those docudramas on Discovery (I think it was called Strange Animal Attractions, or something like that) where a man in New York kept several pet Komodo Dragons in his apartment, and they ate him.
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### Author:  [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/36 "2017-03-31T00:27:29Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#):
>
> After pondering how my cats also like to torture their prey, I’m moving away from the Bengal Tiger as my killer. I’d like to be killed by a pack of Komodo Dragons. Their venom will put me into shock in short order, then they’ll rip me to shreds in a matter of seconds.
>
> I saw one of those docudramas on Discovery (I think it was called Strange Animal Attractions, or something like that) where a man in New York kept several pet Komodo Dragons in his apartment, and they ate him.
Did they kill him, then eat him? Or did he just die, then they ate the corpse. I’m pretty sure my cats would eat me after I die, but I doubt they’d be able to pull off a killing move no matter how hard they plan.
ETA: Which brings me to the next question…Is choosing my pets an option? Like if they tripped me and I cracked my skull on the corner of the counter and bled out while unconscious…that might be the way to go.
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### Author:  [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/37 "2017-03-31T01:15:48Z")
> [@Mnemnosyne](#):
>
> A single bite from the blue-ringed octopus, you see, can kill within a minute due to its venom. If enough of them to eat me attacked me, I’m pretty sure the venom would finish me off in well under a minute.
What about some of those giant jellyfish. They could theoretically eat you if your corpse stayed in one place and they drifted over it long enough.
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### Author:  [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/38 "2017-03-31T01:23:12Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#):
>
> After pondering how my cats also like to torture their prey, I’m moving away from the Bengal Tiger as my killer. I’d like to be killed by a pack of Komodo Dragons. Their venom will put me into shock in short order, then they’ll rip me to shreds in a matter of seconds.
>
> I saw one of those docudramas on Discovery (I think it was called Strange Animal Attractions, or something like that) where a man in New York kept several pet Komodo Dragons in his apartment, and they ate him.
I thought they normally severed the Achilles and then just wait for the person to die from infection?
I considered the anaconda, but all of my bones breaking has to be really painful.
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### Author:  [@Arrogance\_Ex\_Machina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrogance_Ex_Machina)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/39 "2017-03-31T01:31:38Z")
> [@Poysyn](#):
>
> I thought they normally severed the Achilles and then just wait for the person to die from infection?
That was the old idea but they’ve just recently realized they do have venom. It’s not very fast-acting though so I’d choose something else.
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### Author:  [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)
#### Post date: [March 31, 2017, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/40 "2017-03-31T01:42:57Z")
Leopard or Cougar, from behind.
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