# IF you had to be eaten to death by an animal, what animal would you choose?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 30, 2017, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367 "2017-03-30T19:24:16Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 5
### Author:  [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/81 "2017-04-03T17:51:56Z")
> [@Pabitel](#):
>
> One dust mite.
> š
Youāll be devoured by army ants, so sorry.
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/82 "2017-04-03T17:56:42Z")
A lion. They always break your neck first, so youād be dead before they start eating.
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### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/83 "2017-04-03T18:44:34Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#):
>
> A lion. They always break your neck first, so youād be dead before they start eating.
although a lion is still my first choice, thereās no guarantee youāll be dead before they start eating.
[spoiler]video of a lion eating a rhino while itās clearly still alive:
Not sure what's wrong with the rhino, but it's unable to effectively resist; all it can do is issue a weak protest with each bite.[/spoiler]
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### Author:  [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/84 "2017-04-03T18:45:40Z")
I didnāt see a clear no on the cryptids, so I am going with [SCP682](http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682). Getting murdered by a magic shape-shifting crocodile should be enough of a spectacle to distract me from the minute or two it takes to kill me.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/85 "2017-04-03T18:52:49Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#):
>
> I was also thinking about death by sperm whale. It could easily swallow you whole, couldnāt it?
Some will, others get squicked out just by the mere thought of it.
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### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/86 "2017-04-03T19:17:59Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#):
>
> I was also thinking about death by sperm whale. It could easily swallow you whole, couldnāt it?
[donāt think so, at least not easily.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_whale#/media/File:Dirk_Claesen_-_Sperm_Whale.jpg) I mean it might manage to choke you down, but I think youād get pretty chewed up before you got past its teeth and down its throat.
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### Author:  [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/87 "2017-04-03T20:32:28Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#):
>
> although a lion is still my first choice, thereās no guarantee youāll be dead before they start eating.
>
> [spoiler]video of a lion eating a rhino while itās clearly still alive:
>
> Not sure what's wrong with the rhino, but it's unable to effectively resist; all it can do is issue a weak protest with each bite.[/spoiler]
Yeah, but Iām probably significantly easier to kill than a rhino. Certainly my neck would seem more fragile.
Iām going with the Killer whale. I enjoy swimming, might as well die happy.
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### Author:  [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/88 "2017-04-03T20:58:55Z")
> [@Machine\_Elf](#):
>
> [donāt think so, at least not easily.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sperm_whale#/media/File:Dirk_Claesen_-_Sperm_Whale.jpg) I mean it might manage to choke you down, but I think youād get pretty chewed up before you got past its teeth and down its throat.
Drat.
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### Author:  [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/89 "2017-04-03T21:03:10Z")
> [@Turpentine](#):
>
> I would pick an anaconda. Rather than getting my arms ripped off or my throat ripped out, it doesnāt seem so awful the way a constrictor kills its prey. I would be squeezed until I suffocated, and totally dead by the time the swallowing part happens.
This, for the same reason.
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### Author:  [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/90 "2017-04-03T21:07:21Z")
Hey, how about a big grouper? Could one of these monsters swallow an adult human whole?
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### Author:  [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)
#### Post date: [April 3, 2017, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/91 "2017-04-03T22:27:31Z")
> [@gytalf2000](#):
>
> Hey, how about a big grouper? Could one of these monsters swallow an adult human whole?
The National Geographic fish book I had as a kid said that Giant Sea Bass, which Iām pretty sure are in the same family as groupers, has a āmouth that can take in a man.ā I would think it would have a hard time getting an adult all the way down the hatch, though.
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### Author:  [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/92 "2017-04-04T00:38:55Z")
For those that chose this, if you are swallowed whole, then what are your final moments like inside the animal? Asphyxiate?
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### Author:  [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/93 "2017-04-04T12:34:04Z")
> [@Bullitt](#):
>
> For those that chose this, if you are swallowed whole, then what are your final moments like inside the animal? Asphyxiate?
Assuming by āthisā you mean consumed by an aquatic animal, then the answer is you hold your breath for as long as you can possibly stand it before you finally panic and try to breathe - and then you drown (thereās surely a fair bit of water in the animalās stomach with you).
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### Author:  [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/94 "2017-04-04T13:27:46Z")
> [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](#):
>
> I didnāt see a clear no on the cryptids, so I am going with [SCP682](http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-682). Getting murdered by a magic shape-shifting crocodile should be enough of a spectacle to distract me from the minute or two it takes to kill me.
Rule 1:
āIt must be an animal that exists today.ā
Magical shape-shifting crocodiles do not exist. You shall be devoured by ants.
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### Author:  [@Dickerman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dickerman)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/95 "2017-04-04T14:00:55Z")
I was interested at first, then I read all the rules. Canāt even break the rules when dying - whereās the fun in that?
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### Author:  [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/96 "2017-04-04T14:22:53Z")
My answer to the OP would simply be āSurprise Me!ā
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### Author:  [@Cornelius\_Tuggerson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cornelius_Tuggerson)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/97 "2017-04-04T15:12:49Z")
> [@RickJay](#):
>
> You shall be devoured by ants.
Fine, whatever. Maybe I wanted to be devoured by ants! š
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### Author:  [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/98 "2017-04-04T16:00:04Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#):
>
> My answer to the OP would simply be āSurprise Me!ā
Heāll surprise you with army ants. Heās sadistic like that.
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### Author:  [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/99 "2017-04-04T17:27:57Z")
Fuck it, choosing is tantamount to acquiescing. Surprise me.
In fact:
> [@RickJay](#):
>
> Well, Iām sorry, but this is it.
If youāre so _sorry_, you take my place.
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [April 4, 2017, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-be-eaten-to-death-by-an-animal-what-animal-would-you-choose/783367/100 "2017-04-04T17:46:05Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#):
>
> Heāll surprise you with army ants. Heās sadistic like that.
Whatās he got against Navy, Air Force, Marine, or Coast Guard ants?
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