# If you had to choose a last name . . . **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 19, 2014, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200 "2014-01-19T12:52:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/41 "2014-01-21T20:48:53Z")
It’s pronounced [Doo-mass](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMe3WDmxBEI). **Jack Handey:** _I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, ‘Yes, my name’s Todd. Todd Blankenship.’ Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship._ ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/42 "2014-01-21T21:01:35Z")
> [@lost4life](#): > > It’s pronounced [Doo-mass](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMe3WDmxBEI). > > **Jack Handey:** _I wish my name was Todd, because then I could say, ‘Yes, my name’s Todd. Todd Blankenship.’ Oh, also I wish my last name was Blankenship._ Love Jack! The Doo-mass makes me think of the kid who pronounced his name “shu-theed”… ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/43 "2014-01-21T21:07:16Z")
My actual last name is one of those geographical names, meaning comes-from-Nottingham. A while back, I might have chosen Wordsmith. These days, I guess I’d be Daftcodger. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/44 "2014-01-21T21:07:56Z")
I’ve always been partial to either Kennedy (that even carries some weight when it’s only a middle name) or something very old school WASP in terms of wishfull thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/45 "2014-01-21T21:50:53Z")
Obviously, I’m going with > [@Monty Python](#): > > de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/46 "2014-01-21T22:01:26Z")
Had to check wiki for occupational names. Found that there are a lot of ways to say smith, including Eisenhower (Iron Hewer). Also found that the “provider of knowledge” category includes the Indian surname Dikshit. Neither appeals to me personally, although it’s cool to know. I once looked through a book of medieval surnames. I remember with fondness the locatives: ‘in the Ditch’ and ‘ate Children’. In the Ditch meant you lived somewhere low-lying, not actually in a ditch. And if you updated the spelling on Ate Children, it would be At Chiltern. The book said it was a comment on the kind of soil that the farm had. Looking it up a little more, it probably refers to [an area](http://www.bbowt.org.uk/what-we-do/wildlife-projects/chilterns-chalk-grassland-project). And as much as they make me chuckle, I’d probably better avoid both. Now you could call me Screen-nose. But there would probably be too many of those around. My job really doesn’t provide much help. Civil might work. Harking back to my childhood, my Dad mostly worked in a series of positions at LA’s largest sewage treatment plant. He told stories about it. My sisters and I would get brownie points for arranging class tours, from time to time. I have fond memories. So it I had to choose, I’d chose the surname [Hyperion](http://www.lasewers.org/treatment_plants/hyperion/). ---
**Author:** ![kath94](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/67e7ee/32.png) [@kath94](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kath94)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/47 "2014-01-21T22:39:22Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > \ > > Harking back to my childhood, my Dad mostly worked in a series of positions at LA’s largest sewage treatment plant. He told stories about it. My sisters and I would get brownie points for arranging class tours, from time to time. I have fond memories. So it I had to choose, I’d chose the surname [Hyperion](http://www.lasewers.org/treatment_plants/hyperion/). Hey, **Yllaria** , my Dad worked at Hyperion for a time, too (among other places)! Whenever we saw some sci-fi movie on TV he’d point out where the ominous underground tunnel or scary warehouse was. ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/48 "2014-01-21T23:06:59Z")
I already have a popular family name (#1 in Denmark!). My first choice would be “snow light” second + would be something bloodthirsty. Savage, or bloodsaw, berserker, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/49 "2014-01-21T23:13:28Z")
> [@kath94](#): > > Hey, **Yllaria** , my Dad worked at Hyperion for a time, too (among other places)! Whenever we saw some sci-fi movie on TV he’d point out where the ominous underground tunnel or scary warehouse was. Yes! The opening credits of the TV series [Elvira Mistress of the Dark](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elvira,_Mistress_of_the_Dark), where Elvira slinks down a dark hall, through cobwebs, was shot there. So were the opening credits for The Monkees (the original series). They used the sand dunes outside. Did you get stories about the wildlife? There were wild rabbits and possums. Once a sea lion got in there, somehow. There were also stories about women who had gotten angry with their fiances and flushed their engagement rings. Then thought better of it and called Hyperion to ask them to look for it. Or men who called because they had come home a winner, but their wives, who had been promised that they’d never gamble again, had torn the bills in half and flushed them? Those could have been old operator’s tales, but he repeated them several times. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/50 "2014-01-21T23:50:22Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Wait, are you telling me the Llewellyn I used to work with was a fake? Damn! > For some reason, all us foreigners would look at that string of letters and go “uh… [to someone else]pst, how do you say this?” Turned out to be pretty easy but it always scared us at first sight. All right, Llewellyn is in, but only because it has all them funny Welsh letter combinations. 😛 But really, pretty easy? I speak 7 languages, but Welsh :eek: I haven’t properly tried, but I’m not really “just picking it up”, either. I’m proud enough that I know what the names of those houses mean. The only sensical Welsh word is popty ping, for microwave. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/51 "2014-01-22T00:00:31Z")
Okay, but at least use the Welsh spelling: Llywelyn. LL and L are different letters with different sounds, and it’s a dead giveaway that you’re a furriner if you spell it “Llewellyn.” (Also, “Llew” is “lion” and “llyw” is “leader.” You find both versions.) ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/52 "2014-01-22T00:31:40Z")
I would choose some form of the color purple. S. Amethyst. Or S. Lavender. Or S. Purple Mauve Plum. I began life with a very hard to spell Jewish last name. I then married an Irish man with a very difficult to spell Irish last name. I am now S. Very Hard to Spell Jewish Last Name Middle Name / Very Hard to Spell Irish Last Name. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/53 "2014-01-22T11:29:25Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Okay, but at least use the Welsh spelling: Llywelyn. LL and L are different letters with different sounds, and it’s a dead giveaway that you’re a furriner if you spell it “Llewellyn.” (Also, “Llew” is “lion” and “llyw” is “leader.” You find both versions.) See? Difficult! ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/54 "2014-01-22T13:51:03Z")
I’ve been thinking about it since the thread was first posted. I can’t come up with anything better than “Woods”. I guess if I had shoreline near where I lived that would be nice, but I’m not happy in prairie or desert, I need to have woods where I live. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/55 "2014-01-22T14:39:16Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > I’ve been thinking about it since the thread was first posted. I can’t come up with anything better than “Woods”. I guess if I had shoreline near where I lived that would be nice, but I’m not happy in prairie or desert, I need to have woods where I live. Hey, I like that. We have maybe 30 trees on our city lot, so does that count? I’d like living on the water, too, but the nearest think bigger than a creek is the Cumberland and it’s miles away. I’d pick Urban Cowboy (or whatever one-word equivalent there may be) if I had any critters other than cats to wrangle. But I damn sure wouldn’t want to be Street! ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/56 "2014-01-22T15:13:39Z")
Banner? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/57 "2014-01-22T15:28:12Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Banner? AKA Hulk? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/58 "2014-01-22T15:36:33Z")
Jeanyus. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/59 "2014-01-22T15:48:08Z")
Prefectionst ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200/60 "2014-01-22T15:58:38Z")
> [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](#): > > Obviously, I’m going with > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by Monty Python > > de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter -crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser -kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -eine -nürnburger -bratwustle -gerspurten -mit -zweimache -luber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -raucher von Hautkopft of Ulm Nyh! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-to-choose-a-last-name/679200.md?page=4)