# If you had tons of excess money to waste, what niche employees would you hire? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 26, 2021, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347 "2021-07-26T16:50:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Esprise\_Me](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprise_me/32/2947_2.png) [@Esprise\_Me](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprise_Me)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2021, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/21 "2021-07-26T19:23:39Z")
I would very much like a sherpa for my scuba gear. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2021, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/22 "2021-07-26T19:29:53Z")
My dog would have her very own vet. I spend a lot of time stressing over every little change I notice in my dog and wondering if it requires some sort of medical intervention. If I could just have someone around to say “It’s totally normal for her skin to be that color” or “Her poop looks healthy,” I could relax more easily. ---
**Author:** ![ParallelLines](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/parallellines/32/3575_2.png) [@ParallelLines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParallelLines)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2021, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/23 "2021-07-26T23:14:08Z")
Certainly, your resume will be solicited, along with a ten page essay about which classic D&D or AD&D module was best with bonus points being for picking out my favorite whether or not it was best. 😜 HINT: It was Castle Amber. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2021, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/24 "2021-07-26T23:30:02Z")
A gardener! My flowers and fruit beds and lawns would always look fabulous…with no labour from me! Yay! I’d also have a house cleaner, not a live in, once a week! I’ll be in the garden, in my hammock, till they’re done! (And snow removal, I want a lackey for that too!) ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/25 "2021-07-27T00:36:17Z")
What with the canal system and grottoes taking on a life of their own, I would require a full-time gondolier. Splitting that duty with the ornamental hermit position would just be unmanageable. . ---
**Author:** ![FinsToTheLeft](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finstotheleft/32/2930_2.png) [@FinsToTheLeft](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinsToTheLeft)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/26 "2021-07-27T00:37:33Z")
Barista. ---
**Author:** ![TheGunIsMightierThanThePen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thegunismightierthanthepen/32/2981_2.png) [@TheGunIsMightierThanThePen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheGunIsMightierThanThePen)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/27 "2021-07-27T01:24:55Z")
Sparring partners for the sports I already know how to play, and mentors for the ones I want to learn. ---
**Author:** ![Bootb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19b73/32.png) [@Bootb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bootb)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/28 "2021-07-27T02:30:41Z")
My new mansion is going to have its own fully-staffed Burger King. No more setting foot outside my door for BK food. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/29 "2021-07-27T02:34:49Z")
> [@ParallelLines](#): > > Certainly, your resume will be solicited, along with a ten page essay about which classic D&D or AD&D module was best with bonus points being for picking out my favorite whether or not it was best. 😜 > > HINT: It was Castle Amber. Well, dang, my answer would have been White Plume Mountain. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/30 "2021-07-27T03:09:18Z")
A really good mechanic, specializing in European old stuff. Must have machinist skills. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/31 "2021-07-27T03:22:56Z")
Yes, I’d definitely want someone to look after my collection of vintage automobiles. It would be the envy of any museum. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/32 "2021-07-27T11:54:37Z")
> [@tofor](#): > > I really want somebody to make phone calls for me. Schedule a doctor’s appointment. Schedule my car at the mechanic. Find somebody to fix the roof. That’s a PA. If I was rich I would definitely get a PA. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/33 "2021-07-27T12:04:47Z")
A pooper Scooper who also does hair. Someone to slap chocolate kisses out of my hands. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/34 "2021-07-27T14:41:26Z")
> [@StarvingButStrong](#): > > For me, I want a full-time Tall Person. Hah! I’d probably want the opposite; some sort of professional short person. I’m plenty tall, and my wife is a bit taller, so high things aren’t an issue. But I’m not too enthusiastic about bending over and hunting for stuff or climbing down on the floor to do so. For the moment, I have an agile and bendy seven year old who happily does all that sort of stuff, but that’s not going to last too much longer. I’d want a professional cleaner/organizer person to come in monthly and just fix all that stuff I slob out about- find somewhere to put new stuff, reorganize stuff I screwed up, etc… I’d also like a professional handy-stuff guy- sort of a general maintenance man who’d do all the pain-in-the-ass chores like changing the AC filter, smoke detector batteries, fix what he could, and handle calling in specialists when he can’t. This would be for both the home and the cars. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21825_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/35 "2021-07-27T15:36:12Z")
I want a Mommy. Someone to cook for me and clean up after me and offer me ice cream and make it all better. Because adulting sucks. ---
**Author:** ![Ruken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f475e1/32.png) [@Ruken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruken)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/36 "2021-07-27T16:35:48Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > I’d hire someone to do all the Internet research and digging for me of obscure stats. Look up this law for me, help me find this nugget of info, please make a graph of all the crimes committed in city XYZ in the past 20 years, etc. This is pretty much what I do. The trick is convincing clients that the stuff I want to look up anyway is stuff that they want to pay me to look up 🕶 ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/37 "2021-07-27T16:38:46Z")
Hotel/rental car/restaurant checker inner. Whenever we travel I hate standing in line to get a rental car, into a crowded restaurant, or hotel room, especially when I have a reservation and a bunch of dorks that don’t are in line ahead of me. After a long plane ride the last thing I want to do is stand in line, not even for 10 minutes. I want someone to go to where I am going ahead of me and check in so when I get there I can get the keys from them and just get into my waiting car, to my table, or into my hotel room. Just walk right in, sit right down, and daddy let my hair hang down! ---
**Author:** ![tavaritz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/71e660/32.png) [@tavaritz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavaritz)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2021, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/38 "2021-07-27T16:49:57Z")
I’d hire cleaner and personal trainer. I have back problems and I hate the sound of vacuum cleaner. So I need someone to vacuum while I’m away and a personal trainer that can keep me in condition even with the back pain. After my apartment is cleaned and I’m in better condition I’d find some cute little girl who wants to study and help her which ever way I can. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2021, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/39 "2021-07-28T06:02:27Z")
> [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](#): > > A pooper Scooper who also does hair. You may want to reconsider some life choices. Just sayin’. ---
**Author:** ![Didi44](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Didi44](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Didi44)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2021, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347/40 "2021-07-28T06:38:25Z")
Butt scratcher…just because I could! 🤣 Ohh…and an ear cleaner…this looks awesome! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC\_qyPtaRhM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC_qyPtaRhM) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-had-tons-of-excess-money-to-waste-what-niche-employees-would-you-hire/947347.md?page=3)