# If you hung a "Bad Pet Sign" around your pet's neck, what would it say? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 5, 2016, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578 "2016-06-05T15:40:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/41 "2016-06-06T15:51:20Z")
My beloved OES Wesley would have had… “I see the steak and baked potato you have carelessly left on the coffee table… so I will steal and eat your paper napkin that you left beside it.” ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/42 "2016-06-06T16:06:55Z")
For a Labrador _Food_ Retriever Starving Doggie Will work for food Bless you! ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/43 "2016-06-06T17:33:15Z")
Allie: “I can’t decide which side of the bedroom door I want to be on when one of my humans has to get up early and really needs to sleep. I’m a Siamese, and I get VERY noisy about this problem, along with clawing at the door.” Ava: “Even when my cage is clean, I’ll still poop in my dishes.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/44 "2016-06-06T17:42:36Z")
Delilah, 1 year old black lab: “I chew stuff.” She’s young, she’s still feeling stuff out with her mouth, she doesn’t “bite” but when she’s bored or excited she likes to explore with her teeth. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/45 "2016-06-06T18:17:31Z")
My family no longer has dogs, but here’s what their signs would have been (they were all Pembroke Welsh Corgis): “I act like I can’t jump up onto the couch until someone comes to pick me up, and then I can make it just fine.” – Corky “The shoes are my babies. Touch them and die.” – A much younger Corky. We had to break her of this one. “I love kitty roca. I love staring at people with food… you gonna eat that?” – Scooter “Nothing says ‘Hello!’ like jumping up and mouthing your face.” – A young Elwood. We broke him of this before it became a problem. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/46 "2016-06-06T19:47:31Z")
“I eat used wax earplugs. Tasty.” ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/47 "2016-06-06T21:11:41Z")
Doug (pug mix): Beware - I can’t hold my licker! Cody (pug mix): Has jealousy issues. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/48 "2016-06-06T21:32:40Z")
Pandora (aka “Dumb Dora”) the great Pyrenees/St. Bernard mix: “If the food isn’t for me, why did you leave it on the counter where I can reach it” Or “I know you buy special grain free dog food for me, but that sandwich was delicious and I love wearing the Cone of Shame because I’m so itchy that I chew myself bloody.” J.O. the Belgian malinois: “Toy?! Toy?! I want the toy!!!” Both dogs: “Sure, I appear to be a badass. But if there’s a thunderstorm? I need to be in my person’s lap.” ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/49 "2016-06-06T21:39:45Z")
“I spend 20 hours each day tonguing my asshole.” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2016, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/50 "2016-06-06T22:19:46Z")
> [@Me\_Billy](#): > > For a Labrador _Food_ Retriever > > Starving Doggie > Will work for food > Bless you! Or: Why Lie? I Want Snacks ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2016, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/51 "2016-06-07T14:23:37Z")
Pyra the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel: _If you leave your pants where I can reach them, I will compulsively nose at them until I discover the crotch, which I will snuffle and lick until the crotch is soaked in my drool and possibly my snot. It will then puzzle me greatly when you say “Ewww!!” and put the wet, delicious pants into the laundry basket instead of leaving them out to wear one more day as you had originally planned._ ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2016, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/52 "2016-06-07T19:34:21Z")
[Bruno](https://flic.kr/p/DQVgYP): _hurk_ Let me sing to you the song of my people. Oh no, not _now_…later when you’re all asleep. _yak, ptui!_ ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2016, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/53 "2016-06-07T22:57:14Z")
Harley the cat: “I eat plastic then throw up on Mom’s pillow.” Twig the cat: “I beg for food like I haven’t eaten in days. Then I eat two bites and take off at top speed.” ---
**Author:** ![Spud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spud/32/347_2.png) [@Spud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spud)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/54 "2016-06-08T00:43:55Z")
I will kill you if you come any closer. Really, you came closer… I swear I could kill you… if I wanted to. Ok… maybe if you rub my belly I’ll spare you. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/55 "2016-06-08T01:53:22Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > J.O. the Belgian malinois: “Toy?! Toy?! I want the toy!!!” Is that the kind of dog Hooch was, in the movie “Turner and Hooch”? The one with all the drooly jowls? ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/56 "2016-06-08T02:20:08Z")
Hooch was a [Dogue de Bordeaux](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dogue_de_Bordeaux). A [Belgian Malinois](https://www.google.com/search?q=belgian+malinois&espv=2&biw=1516&bih=841&site=webhp&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&sqi=2&ved=0ahUKEwjjmP6VrpfNAhUPEVIKHaq9BDoQ_AUIBigB) looks like a German Shepherd with longer legs and the rump hiked further up in the air. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/57 "2016-06-08T05:26:43Z")
Mikko the cow kitty: “I am compelled to push pens off the table.” or “I am compelled to push glassware off the table - I am addicted to the sound of breaking glass and need an intervention.” or “I have the need to suddenly jump on my owner’s bed, stare intently at her and then leap off as if I were Superman.” ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/58 "2016-06-08T08:21:32Z")
Lilly: I play in my water bowl and get like to soak the food bowl. I can waste a bag of food in three days. Morgan: I like to stick my butt in my mom’s face. Lilly: I bother maintenance people. I am a cat, so I get away with stuff dogs would never get away with. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/59 "2016-06-08T12:42:53Z")
We will bark at anyone who wakes us up at night, even after we know who they are. Seems to be a trait they passed down. My late chihuahua started it, then my dachshund picked it up, and then he passed it on to our new rescue chihuahua, who is even worse about it. Additional for the rescue: I will spontaneously decide the dog in the mirror is someone else and bark at it for hours. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2016, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578/60 "2016-06-08T15:50:20Z")
Lita: I steal chewy strips from Reggie and I’m deathly afraid of thunder and will make sure you are too Reggie: I eat grass so I can puke and I climb 6’ walls [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-hung-a-bad-pet-sign-around-your-pets-neck-what-would-it-say/756578.md?page=4)