# If You Kicked a Member of the Undead in the 'Nads, Would It Hurt? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 30, 2006, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826 "2006-04-30T08:09:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/1 "2006-04-30T08:09:15Z")
The undead person, not you, of course. I can see it potentially harming a vampire, but not a zombi, yet at the same time, I can easily picture a vampire being totally unfazed by the whole thing. So is there any reference to this kind of thing in film/TV/Lit.? (I know of a _Robot Chicken_ bit which has Dracula takin’ one in the nads and being laid low by it, but that’s it.) ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/2 "2006-04-30T08:14:28Z")
Probably depends on if the particular undead can still feel pain at all from conventional blows. If so, then a kick to the nads should hurt a bit. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/3 "2006-04-30T11:46:23Z")
In general, the only aversive stimuli effective against the undead are psychological or metaphysical in nature. Pain response to physical injury is typically muted in vampires and wholly absent in zombies. Some vampiric phenotypes do exhibit a limited vulnerability to blunt trauma, so an unexpected smash in the batch might allow a victim a few seconds in which to escape. Paul Reubens’ character in the film **Buffy the Vampire Slayer** demonstrated a mildly undignified display of discomfort at the loss of an arm, so one might reasonably extrapolate that sufficient damage to the groinal region should provoke a similar reaction. Unfortunately the only movies in which this sort of thing normally occurs are comedies, and it’s problematic to generalize from these sources. Zombies, on the other hand, are nearly uniform in their total insensitivity to pain; they will readily crawl through barbed wire or broken glass to reach a victim without the slightest hesitation. Indeed, zombies often rise from the dead with injuries that would totally incapacitate a living person, yet exhibit no obvious signs of discomfort. Additionally, many zombies exist in a state of moderate to advanced decay, and the soft tissues are generally the first to deteriorate on a corpse, so it’s an open question whether a given zombie would actually still have an intact package in the first place. The only exception I can recall offhand is in the Hudson Brothers movie **Hysterical!** , where a victim does indeed escape a zombie by kneeing him in the groin. However, the zombies in said film were a somewhat unconventional variety, and the above caveat about relying on data from comedies\* also applies here. Obviously the tactic in question is going to be less effective against female undead in any case. \*The Hudson Brothers movie **Hysterical!** is in fact labeled as “comedy.” I checked. ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/4 "2006-04-30T14:29:00Z")
Many vampires are protrayed as fully functional sexual beings. If so, then they’d have the same complement of active nerves to their genitals as a living male. In other words, if you could sex up a vampire, then you could effectively kick him in the junk. ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/5 "2006-04-30T14:57:22Z")
Vampires are way too varied it’d depend on what movie/book/whatever you were in front of at the time. I remember reading a short story once in which vampires are completely unable to have sex the only way they can ‘hook up’ is by taking a victim (usually a child) into a coffin together and drain the child at the same time. I’d say those vamps would only have a reflexive reaction to such damage. ---
**Author:** ![Love\_Rhombus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/love_rhombus/32/10694_2.png) [@Love\_Rhombus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Love_Rhombus)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/6 "2006-04-30T17:45:27Z")
To summarize, then, it varies from creature to creature: Vampire: Depends how dead they are. You’re screwed, possibly. Zombie: Totally dead and likely nadless. You’re definitally screwed. However, there is a bright spot to this field of research. Due to the groundbreaking work of a small team of amature researchers, we _can_ indicate with every certainty that the Wolfman is as prone to pain receptors in that area as a human male would be, thus ensuring the successful application of this technique. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/7 "2006-04-30T17:52:20Z")
Depends on who’s writing the story. In Anne Rice’s _Vampire Chronicles_, vampires don’t have sex & the character of Lestat is so strong & powerful that he is basically like stone to the human touch. You’d probably end up hurting your foot if you tried to kick him. It may work on a weaker one though. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/8 "2006-04-30T18:11:58Z")
In the D & D book _The Chaos Curse_, there’s a scene where a female fighting monk kicks a vampire in the crotch, and he just sneers. She sneers right back, “I should have guessed that wouldn’t work on _you_ !” It hurt his ego, if not his crotch. Speaking of the larger issue of supernatural groin smashing, in _A Rose Red City_ ( don’t recall the author ) there’s a scene where the heros are fighting off a horde of demons using silver bullets. The Demon Lord shows up, and one character says they’re screwed because it would take a silver anti tank round to stop him. Then a gunshot rings out, there’s a horrible scream trailing into the distance, and a moment of silence. “Well, trust a woman to think of _that_.” ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/9 "2006-04-30T18:18:08Z")
How do you kill Undead in the first place? Those dead corpses are moving with something that has the semblance of life. If they feel no pain, how is that by breaking them into fine chunks, say with a chainsaw, will make them stop moving? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/10 "2006-04-30T18:21:30Z")
[QUOTE=ExtraKun] How do you kill Undead in the first place? Those dead corpses are moving with something that has the semblance of life. If they feel no pain, how is that by breaking them into fine chunks, say with a chainsaw, will make them stop moving? [/QUOTE] Depending on the mythos, it either prevents them from moving around usefully, or the animated corpse still requires the brain as a control center and so removing parts from it makes them useless. ---
**Author:** ![Xan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ac8455/32.png) [@Xan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xan)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/11 "2006-04-30T18:27:16Z")
If I remember correctly, in the Buffy The Vampire TV series Buffy kicks Angel in the nads a little while after he turns evil. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/12 "2006-04-30T20:08:02Z")
[QUOTE=Xan] If I remember correctly, in the Buffy The Vampire TV series Buffy kicks Angel in the nads a little while after he turns evil. [/QUOTE] Yeah, that’s what I came into say. It was at the end of the two-parter, “Innocence”/“Surprise”. Instead of staking him, she launches her foot into his lil’ garlic bulbs down below. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/13 "2006-04-30T20:16:54Z")
[QUOTE=ExtraKun] How do you kill Undead in the first place? Those dead corpses are moving with something that has the semblance of life. If they feel no pain, how is that by breaking them into fine chunks, say with a chainsaw, will make them stop moving? [/QUOTE] If it’s a science-created zombie (as opposed to magic) then the zombie still needs at least a partially working nervous system and brain - so usually the “killing” of a zombie requires destruction of the brain or seperation of the brain and the spinal cord. ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/14 "2006-04-30T20:24:08Z")
If it’s a werewolf you’re dealing with (I know, not undead, just another supernatural monster), you can definitely stop him by kicking him in the nads. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/15 "2006-04-30T20:49:11Z")
I’m going to recommend definitely not trying this technique on animated skeletons. You will get not even a twitch in their hollow gazes and mad grins. ---
**Author:** ![BMax](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bmax/32/4267_2.png) [@BMax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMax)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/16 "2006-04-30T21:17:44Z")
[cue eerie music] [hijack, to be read in black & white, dim lighting with a shaft of cigarette smoke rising through a pin spotlight in a Rod Serling voice] We turn our attention now to the “gillman”, a Creature from the Black Lagoon. Would kicking one in the crotch have any effect? Do they give live birth or do they lay eggs? Is fertisation accomplished in a manner suggested by their bipedal shape, ir do they squirm around each other in the warm shallows and effect fertilization externally, in a bizarre orgy of mutant fish-people? Do they carry their packages in the groinal area? Is it correct to say “package”, or do they posess a more primitive “packet”? Are they mouth brooders? Does the male carry the brood in a pouch and squirt them out to play, like seahorses? There’s bouy up ahead. The sign on it reads… [eerie music reaches eerie crescendo][/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/17 "2006-04-30T21:57:14Z")
[QUOTE=Darkhold] I remember reading a short story once in which vampires are completely unable to have sex the only way they can ‘hook up’ is by taking a victim (usually a child) into a coffin together and drain the child at the same time. I’d say those vamps would only have a reflexive reaction to such damage. [/QUOTE] [Under The Fang](http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0671695738/sr=8-1/qid=1146433357/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-8492107-6668805?%5Fencoding=UTF8). Great vampire anthology book. > [@Love Rhombus](#): > > However, there is a bright spot to this field of research. Due to the groundbreaking work of a small team of amature researchers, we can indicate with every certainty that the Wolfman is as prone to pain receptors in that area as a human male would be, thus ensuring the successful application of this technique. You mean, Wolfman’s got nards? ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2006, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/18 "2006-04-30T23:20:29Z")
Why do I have the feeling that “If you kick a member of the undead in the 'nads, does it hurt?” is going to become the next, great rhetorical phrase? If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one to hear it, does it make a sound? Does the pope shit in the woods? Does a vampire clutch his crotch when kicked in the junk? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/19 "2006-05-01T01:03:29Z")
It’s obviously not going to work on a ghost… …or is it? I recall a Japanese legend about how (Japanese, presumably) ghosts have no feet, but I don’t recall anything about no 'nads… ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2006, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826/20 "2006-05-01T01:46:28Z")
[QUOTE=Kythereia] It’s obviously not going to work on a ghost… …or is it? I recall a Japanese legend about how (Japanese, presumably) ghosts have no feet, but I don’t recall anything about no 'nads… [/QUOTE] At least that means a Japanese ghost can’t kick _me_ in the nads. _Ha!_ Screw you, vengeful ancestors! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-kicked-a-member-of-the-undead-in-the-nads-would-it-hurt/354826.md?page=2)