# If you purchased the SDMB... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 29, 2008, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134 "2008-10-29T19:49:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/21 "2008-10-29T22:29:48Z")
Stock the SDMB with hookers and blow. Get the best of both worlds ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/22 "2008-10-29T22:41:41Z")
> [@CaerieD](#): > > . . . > And I’d replace the hamsters with kittens. That way when things get slow, instead of swearing the MPSIMS crowd would collectively go, “Awww. They’re sleeping!” You know us too well. I’d give the Mods chocolate. 'Cause modding is hard and chocolate is good. ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2008, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/23 "2008-10-29T23:49:34Z")
I’d lock out all the mods, make the mod forum public, let the shitstorm hit and then close the board after a week. Just for a laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Baldwin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baldwin/32/7264_2.png) [@Baldwin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baldwin)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/24 "2008-10-30T01:05:35Z")
Ed Zotti, banned. He could join after giving me the apology he owes me. Ditto for a politics forum, combining the rules of logic and evidence we have in GD, with the freedom to swear and insult we have in the Pit. Maybe a separate Science forum. And pay-to-post. Not much, but enough to avoid some of the stupid drive-bys. ---
**Author:** ![HappyClam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/73ab20/32.png) [@HappyClam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HappyClam)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/25 "2008-10-30T01:10:52Z")
I would ban everyone who disagrees with me about banning everyone who disagrees with me… ---
**Author:** ![DJ\_Motorbike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90ced4/32.png) [@DJ\_Motorbike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DJ_Motorbike)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/26 "2008-10-30T01:16:01Z")
I would change all of the Charter Members titles to “Smug Jerk” for a 24 hour period bi-annually. My title would be “Charter-Charter Member”. Also, I would add a favicon. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/27 "2008-10-30T01:20:26Z")
If I purchased the SDMB, and I paid more than $39.95 for it, first thing I’d do is question my sanity. First I’d have to track it down, wherever it’s gone to. But then I’d question it, at length, under the third-degree lamps. To find out whether it had any plans to fight its way back into my brain, y’know. Can’t have that! Now, what was the question again? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/28 "2008-10-30T01:44:10Z")
> [@RTFirefly](#): > > If I purchased the SDMB, and I paid more than $39.95 for it, first thing I’d do is question my sanity. > > First I’d have to track it down, wherever it’s gone to. But then I’d question it, at length, under the third-degree lamps. To find out whether it had any plans to fight its way back into my brain, y’know. Can’t have that! > > Now, what was the question again? what, no waterboarding??? Wuss. ---
**Author:** ![kevja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@kevja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kevja)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/29 "2008-10-30T01:44:28Z")
> [@kevja](#): > > Well since this question is in the Pit. > > I wouldn’t change a fucking thing. 🆒 OK, I thought of two fucking things. 1. No grammar/spelling/ I hate the way W. says nuclear police. Anyone complaining or pointing out errors will be banned. 2. In the Cafe Society if anyone ever again mentions that the song “Every Breath You Take” by The Police is about a stalker/obsession will be banned. And a public shame banning if the poster states it as if s/he was the first person in the world that figured out it’s\* real \*meaning. We know already. I was alive in 1983. I knew it then. A lot of people knew it then, or the first time they heard it. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/30 "2008-10-30T01:49:05Z")
> [@kevja](#): > > OK, I thought of two fucking things. > > 1. No grammar/spelling/ I hate the way W. says nuclear police. Anyone complaining or pointing out errors will be banned. even if it’s funny??? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/31 "2008-10-30T02:15:38Z")
> [@kevja](#): > > OK, I thought of two fucking things. > > 1. No grammar/spelling/ I hate the way W. says nuclear police. Anyone complaining or pointing out errors will be banned. > > 2. In the Cafe Society if anyone ever again mentions that the song “Every Breath You Take” by The Police is about a stalker/obsession will be banned. And a public shame banning if the poster states it as if s/he was the first person in the world that figured out it’s\* real \*meaning. We know already. I was alive in 1983. I knew it then. A lot of people knew it then, or the first time they heard it. Question: What if someone says it’s _not_ about that? Could we then correct and mercilessly mock that person? ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/32 "2008-10-30T02:24:23Z")
I’d ban **Cisco**. But then we’d laugh over it and I’d unban him the next day. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/33 "2008-10-30T02:36:43Z")
I’d ban Cecil. Because its mine! \* Mine!\* ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/34 "2008-10-30T02:54:47Z")
> [@CaerieD](#): > > … > > And I’d replace the hamsters with kittens. That way when things get slow, instead of swearing the MPSIMS crowd would collectively go, “Awww. They’re sleeping!” Good thinking there. 🙂 Let’s see. 1. There shall be no sport and talk of sport. Unless it’s at all interesting or amusing. 2. There is to be no more US. spelling. (Look, it’s only fair, if I buy it, it’s my toy now and I make the rules). You may use some U.S. words because sometimes they are interesting or amusing. 3. There is to be no bloody more of “hi Opal”, and I imagine even Opal is sick of that by now. 4. I _might_ graciously allow avatars but only little ones, not big loud flashy horrible stuff. Oh, unless they are particularly interesting or amusing. 5. There can be kittens and ferrets and hamsters (but NOT “hamPsters”) and dogs and lions and tigers and bears. Cars and babies, not so much, they not normally being I. or A. 6. I might ban the gun threads too: no-one’s mind seems ever to be changed. But the amusing ones where some eejit gets shot by his own dog, or where some poor fool gets shot by Dick Cheney can stay. 7. There is to be a quest to get more members from many more countries, because that tends to be interesting. 8. It should be pay-to-post because that way everyone is to pay me in some interesting book or wine or beer or foodstuff of their locality. This might need to be re-named “pie-to-post”. 9. Apart from that it shall be utterly beautifully democratic, of course. 🙂 So mote it be, ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/35 "2008-10-30T02:58:26Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > I’d ban Cecil. Because its mine! \* Mine!\* Ooh! 😃 Nah, I wouldn’t ban Cecil. I _would_, though, insist that he be “Cecil” instead of “Cee-cil”. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/36 "2008-10-30T03:07:31Z")
I’d declare I have the right to sleep with any poster I find attractive. That should be good for one lay every three years or so. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/37 "2008-10-30T03:31:08Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I’d add lots of animations and flashing things. In fact, I think I’d make the background something extra sweet. Actually, it’d definitely be something classy, [like this.](http://animations.fg-a.com/16_animated_background.gif) Good idea. A background that says **403 - You are not authorized to view this page** would be pretty effective in chasing everyone away, then this place will be allll mine and I can post at myself all day long! ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/38 "2008-10-30T03:53:13Z")
**neutron star** is grumpy tonight, let’s suspend him. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/39 "2008-10-30T03:58:21Z")
I’d do pretty much nothing but let the people who administer and moderate it do what they are doing, intervening only if there was some dispute or abuse that needed a higher authority. Executive meddling with something that’s already up and running OK seldom improves things, and in this scenario, I’d be the executive. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2008, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134/40 "2008-10-30T04:04:17Z")
There will be no changes when I take over. Excepting that I will implement a read logger that makes me a list of everyone that reads a thread after I post in it, but doesn’t post a response, so I can punish them mercilessly if I get stuck in the thread-killer position. 😛 Which of course, will backfire in that NO ONE will ever open a thread that they’re less than enthusiastic about if the last post has my name on it. And I’ll be way more of a thread killer than I am now. ☹ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-purchased-the-sdmb/470134.md?page=3)