# If you rub the lamp, you get the genie! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2018, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680 "2018-09-21T15:11:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/1 "2018-09-21T15:11:44Z")
That’s right, you _polish_ that lamp! Don’t stop until all the genie is out. Gonna grant you a single wish for that. Whaddaya want? ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/2 "2018-09-21T15:13:43Z")
I want the ability to understand any spoken dialect or written language. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/3 "2018-09-21T15:24:38Z")
I want ten more wishes. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/4 "2018-09-21T15:30:32Z")
I wish for another genie who will grant _all_ my wishes. My first wish for that genie is that he grant all my wishes with my, and my family and friends’, best interests in mind. None of this “I wish for riches and he drops a ton of gold on my head” stuff. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/5 "2018-09-21T15:37:53Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I wish for another genie who will grant _all_ my wishes. My first wish for that genie is that he grant all my wishes with my, and my family and friends’, best interests in mind. None of this “I wish for riches and he drops a ton of gold on my head” stuff. As long as some wish very early in the process is “make me understand what my best interests are and why”, then I think you might be covered. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/6 "2018-09-21T15:38:59Z")
I wish that the lamp never existed. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/7 "2018-09-21T16:03:30Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > I want the ability to understand any spoken dialect or written language. _Alakazam_ The _ability_ is yours! Which would you like to study first? > [@markn\_1](#): > > I want ten more wishes. Wish away, Sadiki. I will hear all ten! But only because you wished me to. 😉 > [@Shodan](#): > > I wish for another genie who will grant _all_ my wishes. My first wish for that genie is that he grant all my wishes with my, and my family and friends’, best interests in mind. _Kalakazoo_ Very wise! I contacted my brother-in-law, Jorge, and let him know of your desire. He has agreed to grant your wishes … just as soon as you have summoned him. > [@Slash1972](#): > > I wish that the lamp never existed. [nervously] Erm…which lamp is that then? ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/8 "2018-09-21T16:43:07Z")
Telekinesis ---
**Author:** ![begbert2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/begbert2/32/3357_2.png) [@begbert2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/begbert2)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/9 "2018-09-21T17:00:58Z")
I was going to say, to from now on to intuitively know the exact right thing to do to achieve the best possible outcome. I don’t need to know why I’m doing it, or what the outcome would be; I just do the right thing automatically without thinking it. So I’d just automatically change lanes to avoid the accident, I’d never get lost unless I end up somewhere better or avoid something bad as a result, I’d never say the wrong thing ever, and I’d win just the right amount of powerball lotteries for everything to be awesome. I was _going_ to say that. But then I say Moriarty’s post and realized that the real answer is indeed telekinesis. And not namby-pamby telekinesis either; I wanna juggle cars. (Maybe I should have wished for two more wishes first.) ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/10 "2018-09-21T17:04:36Z")
I wish I could trade that lamp for a monkey’s paw. I’m not very good at this. ---
**Author:** ![Serenata67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/serenata67/32/10646_2.png) [@Serenata67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serenata67)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/11 "2018-09-21T17:13:10Z")
That no matter how messy my house got during the day, every day I would wake up to a clean house. Toys put away, dishes washed and put away, laundry done, no dust bunnies… ever! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/12 "2018-09-21T17:20:51Z")
I wish for an annotation-type translation of the Voynich Manuscript, complete with inset drawings of what the plants were really supposed to look like. In a 3-ring binder, for preference. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/13 "2018-09-21T18:16:26Z")
_Polish the Lamp_ Is that what it’s called these days? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/14 "2018-09-21T18:53:12Z")
I wanna see the alternate ending to “Big”. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/15 "2018-09-21T20:13:55Z")
I wish every world leader and politician I don’t like to resign on the same day with no explanation. Probably won’t make the world any better, but the news sure would be interesting to watch. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/16 "2018-09-21T20:51:26Z")
I’d wish for all of my bills to be paid and have enough money not to have to worry anymore. My husband and I were co-signers on our sin’s student loans. He was diagnosed with cancer a month after college graduation and died 2-1/2 years later. We have to pay for those loans. Just one more crappy thing to have to stress about. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/17 "2018-09-21T21:13:40Z")
I want my memory back. Seriously, if I don’t write it down immediately, it’s gone. I’m only 64 - I shouldn’t be losing it already!! _\_ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/18 "2018-09-21T21:42:37Z")
I want cats who can talk to me and we could have fine conversations about deep thoughts and issues. Or I want a pet crow, if I cant get talking cats. I’m easy to please.😉 ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/19 "2018-09-21T21:49:10Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I want cats who can talk to me and we could have fine conversations about deep thoughts and issues. Or I want a pet crow, if I cant get talking cats. I’m easy to please.😉 Talking cats? ::shudder:: most cats are bastards at heart. Sociopaths at best. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2018, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680/20 "2018-09-21T23:07:28Z")
Worst pick-up line, ever! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-rub-the-lamp-you-get-the-genie/821680.md?page=2)