# If you were a celebrity, what would be on your rider? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2011, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188 "2011-02-13T04:09:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/1 "2011-02-13T04:09:07Z")
A rider is a list of requests of products (usually food) you want available. My rider: Sleeve of Diet Pepsi Chicken Greek Salad (no olives) w/Italian dressing and pita bread on the side ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/2 "2011-02-13T04:34:59Z")
[This is how you write a rider.](http://www.stevemartin.com/stevemartin/2010/06/steve-martins-tour-rider-leaked.html) Mine would be too dull to contemplate. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/3 "2011-02-13T15:38:39Z")
Black Cherry water ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/4 "2011-02-13T21:22:31Z")
I would insist on a preperformance and postperformance massage. If I can figure out a way to get a massage in midperformance, then that too. If I had security staff like Martin wants, I’d insist on bottles instead of pacifiers. I’m not sure what I want the bottles to be full of, but Amoretto is definitely in the running, as is rum. ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/5 "2011-02-13T21:35:05Z")
1. Smoking area, fully ventilated, not open to the sky nor outdoors, only for me. 2. Crushed ice, regular Coca Cola, from a fountain not a can. 3. Filtered water, doggie floor pads, and bed for my dog, who accompanies me on all performances. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/6 "2011-02-13T21:46:45Z")
Coffee. A pot/box of it somewhere. Some milk. Some equal packets. A covered-top coffee cup, disposeable or or perm, just so I’m not accidently spilling. (and honestly, it can be from a Dunkin Donuts or a diner or even from a Mr Coffee someone brought from home. I mean, its not like I wouldn’t share.) As long as whoever takes the last cup-a-joe makes a new pot. Me included. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/7 "2011-02-13T22:09:00Z")
I assume the celebrity life makes it impractical to _get-your-own-god-damn-things_. If that’s the case my rider would be… Cold cans of Coke Zero. various pie-based snacks (pork pies, sausage rolls, etc…) wireless internet access. ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/8 "2011-02-13T22:40:34Z")
For artist’s after-concert snack: one 12oz can Diet Coke cooled to 35 degrees one 1.5 oz bag of Lay’s Potato Chips, sealed Venue agrees to double the performer’s fee if soda is more than 36 degrees or if any of the potato chips inside the bag are broken. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2011, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/9 "2011-02-13T23:26:58Z")
ETA: Never mind ---
**Author:** ![ataraxy22](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ataraxy22/32/307_2.png) [@ataraxy22](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ataraxy22)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/10 "2011-02-14T01:01:35Z")
Assam Black Honest Tea pistachios. occasionally macadamia nuts to mix things up. ---
**Author:** ![etv78](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@etv78](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/etv78)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/11 "2011-02-14T03:47:28Z")
my “change of pace” meal: Fried Fisherman’s Platter with calamari instead of shrimp Bowl on NE Clam Chowda w/oyster crackers Apple Crisp w/vanilla ice cream sleeve of Diet Pepsi ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/12 "2011-02-14T04:10:50Z")
Televised sports (football, baseball, basketball, etc.) cannot be on any media device in my presence unless the device has been rendered completely soundless. There is something about the background noise of televised sports that attacks my ears like pile drivers and drives me crazy. Beyond that a couple of containers of filtered water or some lemons to take the edge off of city tap water and I am quite happy. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/13 "2011-02-14T04:31:56Z")
Ice-cold Coca-Cola Ice-cold beer A tray of deli sandwiches A tray of veggies and dip A smoking area, so I can enjoy my pipe A television, so I can watch news and sports. Preferably, while smoking my pipe and enjoying a cold drink. ---
**Author:** ![Athena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/35a633/32.png) [@Athena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Athena)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/14 "2011-02-14T14:25:50Z")
- A litter of pug puppies for me to play with before and after the show. - All rooms that I spend more than 20 minutes in must be decorated primarily in blue - A selection of Alsatian wines held at precisely 47 degrees, along with crystal wine glasses, preferably Riedel. ---
**Author:** ![chromaticity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@chromaticity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chromaticity)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/15 "2011-02-14T15:20:56Z")
Some fresh star fruit No marble anywhere. No bright colors in my rooms No people who speak loudly To stay in the top floor of any hotel that I stay at Lots of tea ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/16 "2011-02-14T16:15:10Z")
I would be so thrilled with handlers to get me places, and a full-time driver so I would never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever have to get behind the wheel of a car! That alone is sufficient. Except the car I’m being ferried about in should have a supply of pistachio nuts, cold fizzy water on ice, and peppermint gum, and the driver should know where all the best places to hit up the ladies room are, at a moment’s notice. Oh, and a sound machine in my luxurious hotel room at night, white noise is OK, but wind and waves is good, too. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/17 "2011-02-14T17:14:06Z")
Let’s see… on my ‘rider’? Unmetered high-speed wireless internet access. Full-spectrum lighting over the drawing board and work tables. “Sour Snowboard” candies of a specified firmness to be provided in all work areas, with excess sugar knocked off. A fridge stocked with fruits and veggies and nuts, and a Vitamix-brand electric mixer, to be provided in living quarters, so that I can make smoothies. Ice-cold Pepsi Throwback in fridge as well. > [@Athena](#): > > - A litter of pug puppies for me to play with before and after the show. > - All rooms that I spend more than 20 minutes in must be decorated primarily in blue > - A selection of Alsatian wines held at precisely 47 degrees, along with crystal wine glasses, preferably Riedel. Better specify Fahrenheit on that last one, unless you like hot wine… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/18 "2011-02-14T17:24:48Z")
Iced tea. That’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/19 "2011-02-14T17:41:13Z")
If you’re feeling uninspired, here’s a selection of riders: [http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstage](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstage) ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188/20 "2011-02-14T20:53:29Z")
At least one pint of 2% milk shall be available backstage. The words “pasteurized” and “vitamin D” shall be circled in any sort of marker or pen whose ink will not rub off the milk container. (Not wanting brown M&Ms is so passe…) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-celebrity-what-would-be-on-your-rider/571188.md?page=2)