# If You Were A Fortune Cookie..... What Would You Say **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 7, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891 "2001-06-07T04:34:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Azura\_Borealis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ab992/32.png) [@Azura\_Borealis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azura_Borealis)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/1 "2001-06-07T04:34:02Z")
- Lame ass fortune cookie phrases really tick me off… For once I’d like to be able to write my own, or even the one inside someone elses cookie (For the sake of telling them something they desperately needed to hear) So if you were a fortune cookie - what would **YOU** say?\* ---
**Author:** ![DMC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dmc/32/18049_2.png) [@DMC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMC)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/2 "2001-06-07T04:42:42Z")
The new year will bring many opportunities. Do not forget, you shall reap what you sow… …in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Azura\_Borealis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/7ab992/32.png) [@Azura\_Borealis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azura_Borealis)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/3 "2001-06-07T04:44:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DMC \* > \*\*…in bed. \*\* I’m glad i’m not the only one who adds that little chunk of perverted wisdom to the end of my fortunes. ---
**Author:** ![Mats\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8edcca/32.png) [@Mats\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mats_K)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/4 "2001-06-07T04:57:12Z")
“2nd chance draw” ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/5 "2001-06-07T05:25:37Z")
My fav: “You will have a great future in the field of medical research.” Second verse same as the first: “That wasn’t chicken” ---
**Author:** ![Purd\_Werfect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47c2d/32.png) [@Purd\_Werfect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Purd_Werfect)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/6 "2001-06-07T06:01:52Z")
“Inspected by number 32.” That’s what my fortune pants always say. ---
**Author:** ![Lux\_Fiat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lux\_Fiat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lux_Fiat)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/7 "2001-06-07T06:26:20Z")
I like to think I’d say something deep like, “The map is not the territory,” but in reality, it would probably be something like, “Shake that ass. No! Like you fucking **mean it**!” ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_Bowe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@Doug\_Bowe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_Bowe)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/8 "2001-06-07T06:43:08Z")
The chef spit in your food. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/9 "2001-06-07T06:50:45Z")
“Wise men don’t shut car doors with no pants on.” ---
**Author:** ![Drastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Drastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drastic)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/10 "2001-06-07T06:52:30Z")
Mine would say, and I quote: > [@](#): > ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/11 "2001-06-07T07:11:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by brother rat \* > **"Wise men don’t shut car doors with no pants on."** I think I’ll edit that. i’ve read it and think “Wise men with no pants on do not shut car doors.” sigh, although how wise is a man with no pants? … I’ll try again ‘Naken men should not shut doors too quickly.’ ---
**Author:** ![McMurphy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19adc/32.png) [@McMurphy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McMurphy)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/12 "2001-06-07T10:34:44Z")
_If I were a cookie I’d say…_ Erratum, previous cookie was wrong. Listen closely…hear that scared meowing noise? Yep, thaaaat’s right. Duck…NOW!!! ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/13 "2001-06-07T10:42:06Z")
“EAT ME!” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/14 "2001-06-07T11:41:20Z")
DAMN! **DRY** beat me to it. How about, > [@](#): > > This page intentionally left blank. or > [@](#): > > We’re all smiling at you because we know what you ate. ---
**Author:** ![don\_Jaime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b4bc9f/32.png) [@don\_Jaime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_Jaime)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/15 "2001-06-07T12:24:43Z")
Smart-assed skeptic, Monkey Man will **make** you believe. ---
**Author:** ![Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Morrison\_s\_Lament](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morrison_s_Lament)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/16 "2001-06-07T12:42:53Z")
I think the Simpsons had the best fortune cookie joke of all time: Marge: We really shouldn’t have gotten those North Korean fortune cookies you know: “You are a coward!” “Have shame!”, I mean, no one wants to hear that after a nice meal… Hey, they’re my neighbours, I can make fun of 'em 😃 — G. Raven p.s. and if you have any experience with North Koreans it’s at least a hundred times as funny! ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/17 "2001-06-07T14:15:17Z")
“You will die alone and unloved.” or “Help! I’m being held prisoner in a fortune cookie factory!” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/18 "2001-06-07T14:26:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Morrison’s Lament \* > if you have any experience with North Koreans it’s at least a hundred times as funny! [hijack] My experience with North Koreans is limited to the family of 4 that lived downstairs from me 10 years or so ago. Daddy, Mommy, 2 kids under 5. Never heard anything from downstairs but the following, sometimes 5 or 6 times a day: > [@](#): > > Little Kid: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! > [unidentifiable _thwump_ sound, possibly the wall being struck by a small human body] > [silence] I still wonder if what I think happened really happened. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/19 "2001-06-07T14:29:09Z")
Sorry. That was just an incredible downer. How about: > [@](#): > > Always forgive your enemies – nothing will annoy them more. ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2001, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891/20 "2001-06-07T14:31:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by don Jaime \* > \*\*Smart-assed skeptic, Monkey Man will **make** you believe. \*\* Nice. Wonder how many will get that one. I think I would say “The next sentence is true. The previous sentence is false.” I think I would help spur after-dinner conversation. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-fortune-cookie-what-would-you-say/67891.md?page=2)