# If you were a tree ... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990 "2001-12-05T06:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/1 "2001-12-05T06:00:04Z")
… what kind of tree would you be? I’d be yew. ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/2 "2001-12-05T06:14:23Z")
I bet yew wood. I’d be a bristlecone pine, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Tedster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@Tedster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tedster)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/3 "2001-12-05T06:23:36Z")
Possibly a White Oak (Quercus albans) Or maybe a nice gnarled Juniper on a mesa top. ---
**Author:** ![AbbySthrnAccent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@AbbySthrnAccent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AbbySthrnAccent)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/4 "2001-12-05T06:27:18Z")
I’d want to be a willow tree, but I imagine I’d probably be a pecan tree since I’m so nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Loopus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loopus/32/15343_2.png) [@Loopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopus)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/5 "2001-12-05T06:36:50Z")
A pussy willow. 😃 Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee… Yeah, it’s time for bed. -Loopus ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/6 "2001-12-05T06:53:00Z")
The larch. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/7 "2001-12-05T06:53:54Z")
Knowing my luck, I’d be every dog’s favorite. ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@Jet\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/8 "2001-12-05T06:58:24Z")
Avocado tree. One of the longest living trees in the world. There’s a 400 year-old Avocado tree in Mexico right now. And it still yeilds fruit. I’m growing one now, in my front yard. I started it as a seed (got it from Chevy’s restuarant - it was a campaign to prove their avocado dip was fresh - they’ll give you the seed!). The seed came in a little baggie with instructions. So I tried it out. That was six years ago. The tree is near the roof of the house now. Amazing. I feel like a parent. I can’t wait for birds to start living in it. I have to admit, there’s a great sense of satisfaction - of giving back to the planet - when you’re caring for a tree. Jet Black ---
**Author:** ![Genseric](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Genseric](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Genseric)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/9 "2001-12-05T08:05:12Z")
Ash. Call me _Yggdrasil_. ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/10 "2001-12-05T10:23:01Z")
I’d be a Scots Pine. I’d have a tall bare trunk with beautiful red-brown bark, and I’d have clusters of long bluish green needles. ---
**Author:** ![Doobieous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Doobieous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doobieous)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/11 "2001-12-05T10:56:42Z")
I’d be a coconut palm. Cause then i’d get to live near tropical beaches, and be one of the most useful pan-tropical plants. Plus my minions…i mean children would spread like weeds to any beach amenable enough to support us :). ---
**Author:** ![Commander\_Fortune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Commander\_Fortune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Commander_Fortune)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/12 "2001-12-05T11:00:51Z")
I’d be a [baobab](http://www.calacademy.org/calwild/pacdis/issues/spring97/wild.htm). ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/13 "2001-12-05T12:22:03Z")
I’d either be a redwood or a strangler vine. ---
**Author:** ![king\_of\_spain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7cd45c/32.png) [@king\_of\_spain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/king_of_spain)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/14 "2001-12-05T12:41:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Commander Fortune \* > \*\*I’d be a [baobab](http://www.calacademy.org/calwild/pacdis/issues/spring97/wild.htm). \*\* [hijack]You know, I remember as a little kid being scared to death when I found out that baobabs were real, because I fully believed that they would grow and grow and grow until they eventually tore the planet apart just like in _The Little Prince_.[/hijack] Anyway. Right now, I’d be a live oak full of Spanish moss. Ah, I miss Louisiana… ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/15 "2001-12-05T13:17:14Z")
I’d be a white oak. Ways in which I’m Similar to a White Oak [ul] [li]Indigenous to central Illinois.[/li][li]Large.[/li][li]Take a long time to mature.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Jaguar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jet_jaguar/32/3562_2.png) [@Jet\_Jaguar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Jaguar)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/16 "2001-12-05T16:00:15Z")
I’d be a Maple Tree because much like a Maple, I ooze fluid when you stab me with a spigot. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/17 "2001-12-05T16:03:47Z")
A money tree of course–that’s what my parents were. Or at least that’s what they told me. I think. _confused look_ ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/18 "2001-12-05T18:19:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jet Black \* > \*\*Avocado tree. > > One of the longest living trees in the world. There’s a 400 year-old Avocado tree in Mexico right now.\*\* [Scoff](http://www.backcountrytrailers.com/Camping/Trailer/Trails/bristlc.htm) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![GeorgeBushTheSecond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ccd318/32.png) [@GeorgeBushTheSecond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GeorgeBushTheSecond)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/19 "2001-12-05T18:32:48Z")
Wet! Oh wait, this isn’t the masturbation thread. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47c2d/32.png) [@Diogenes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/20 "2001-12-05T19:30:57Z")
A redwood. Just cuz I like 'em so much. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990.md?page=2)