# If you were a tree ... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 5, 2001, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990 "2001-12-05T06:00:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jet\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@Jet\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/21 "2001-12-05T19:33:12Z")
Thanks for the link Darwin, my friend. Though I was pretty clear to say, “ONE OF the longest living tress…” Not, “THE long living trees…” It’s funny you post that link, since I actually live in california, and I’m surrounded by Redwoods. Still, I like the Avocado better, expecially with the ability to bear fruit well into the latter years. Perhaps, I’m just looking to be different. But thanks for the link, it’s still very much appreciated. Don’t want a war over semantics. Not over a tree. Hah! Jet Black ---
**Author:** ![Skelji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b38774/32.png) [@Skelji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skelji)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/22 "2001-12-05T19:37:39Z")
I’d be any type of deciduous tree, as long as I could watch over my psychotic neighbor’s precious lawn. Just as he went inside after picking up _every last remnant of leaf or pine needle_ I’d sneeze and spew my leafy litter all over his grass. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/23 "2001-12-05T20:00:27Z")
Madrone, the Aspen of the Guadalupes. ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@Jet\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/24 "2001-12-05T20:10:52Z")
Well, this did pique my interest, so I surfed a bit. Here’s what I found for my beloved Avocado: > [@](#): > > "Called Ahuacatl by the Aztecs, avocados grew wild throughout Central America and Mexico as early as 900 AD. Yep, cool…so my tree has a bit of history. > [@](#): > > "As the avocado evolved, the name changed to reflect the shape. Avocado actually means, testicle, in reference to the appearance of the fruit. Now we’re talking!! Nothing better than being known for your big balls! Hah! > [@](#): > > "This unusual shape was something the Native Americans had noticed long before, their functional use of the avocado was often as a sexual stimulant. In fact, avocado replaces a word meaning “testical tree.” Sexual stimulant from the testical tree? C’mon, what guy in his right mind wouldn’t want to be this tree? Hah! > [@](#): > > Spanish Missions even forbid avocado trees because of their implications! Today, we tend to eat them just because they taste good. Damnit!! I swear, those religious zealots always screwing things up!! Imagine the slaughter of all those testical trees, cut down in the prime of their lives…because of hte sexual immaturity of the church! Hmmmm…I know a couple of women who said mine tasted good. I mean, er…my avocados, that is. Fun with tree facts. Jet Black ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/25 "2001-12-05T20:18:17Z")
A shoe tree. When you come into your closet at night, you’ll bark your shin on me. ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@Jet\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/26 "2001-12-05T20:21:27Z")
Oops…I know I can spell testicle, I just know I can!!! What the hell happened?? Well, they still taste good, so I hear. My Avocados, that is. Jet Black ---
**Author:** ![Darwins\_Finch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darwins_finch/32/20304_2.png) [@Darwins\_Finch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darwins_Finch)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/27 "2001-12-05T20:56:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jet Black \* > **But thanks for the link, it’s still very much appreciated. Don’t want a war over semantics. Not over a tree. Hah!** Didn’t mean any insult, honest! I just thought the 400 year / 4,00 **0** year difference…amusing. Or something. I’m not dissin’ your tree, though 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@SpaceGhostofArrakis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpaceGhostofArrakis)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/28 "2001-12-05T20:56:56Z")
Obviously, I’ll be a Seqouia ---
**Author:** ![Jet\_Black](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@Jet\_Black](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jet_Black)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2001, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/29 "2001-12-05T21:24:07Z")
Darwin, I caught that. And you’re right, the obvious multiplier of years was a pretty good contrast. Old age has it’s promises. But as said in the film, “Blade Runner”: > [@](#): > > “The light that shines the brightest, lasts half as long” (or something like that…which I’m sure was referenced from somewhere else…“Metamorphoses”??) Oops, sorry to hi-jack. Darwin, and I, are just having too much fun, it seems. Jet Black ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/30 "2001-12-06T05:05:56Z")
I would be a pommegranite tree. ---
**Author:** ![Kathleen\_de\_Trelare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4bbf92/32.png) [@Kathleen\_de\_Trelare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kathleen_de_Trelare)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/31 "2001-12-06T05:18:36Z")
I’d be some kind of fruit tree. I just know I would. No matter how much I would beg to be some other kind of tree, no one would pay any attention to me. They would just make me a fruit tree whether I liked it or not. Not that I have anything against fruit. In fact, I absolutely love fruit, but enough people accuse me of being fruity without me having to advertise the fact. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/32 "2001-12-06T05:26:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by king of spain \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Commander Fortune \* > > \*\*I’d be a [baobab](http://www.calacademy.org/calwild/pacdis/issues/spring97/wild.htm). \*\* > > [hijack]You know, I remember as a little kid being scared to death when I found out that baobabs were real, because I fully believed that they would grow and grow and grow until they eventually tore the planet apart just like in _The Little Prince_.[/hijack] > \*\* Children, beware the baobab… I would like to be an oak tree. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/33 "2001-12-06T05:47:58Z")
I’d be a [banyan](http://webpub.alleg.edu/employee/j/jsearle/NationalismS01/Natphotos/banyan.jpg). Now THAT’S a tree. ---
**Author:** ![Yumanite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/b487fb/32.png) [@Yumanite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yumanite)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/34 "2001-12-06T06:56:15Z")
A Fremont Cottonwood. I’d hang out by a little river in a desert canyon and have Vermillion Flycatchers sit on me. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![bagkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ab992/32.png) [@bagkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagkitty)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/35 "2001-12-06T07:02:13Z")
Bonsai… cause they ain’t straight either ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/36 "2001-12-06T07:03:12Z")
Maybe the [Lone Cypress Tree](http://waves.apple.com/people/jav/Images/Postcards/Monterey/Monterey03.jpg) in Monterey, California, USA. ---
**Author:** ![Nocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9fc348/32.png) [@Nocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nocturne)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/37 "2001-12-06T07:09:09Z")
\ A CHERRY tree. Hee hee hee. \ ---
**Author:** ![beegirl13](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/848f3c/32.png) [@beegirl13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beegirl13)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/38 "2001-12-06T16:52:22Z")
I’d be a [black locust](http://www.nps.gov/plants/alien/fact/rops1.htm) tree. They have pretty flowers, they smell nice, and bees make some great honey from them. Their leaves are also almost impossible to rake up, and get tracked into the house easily 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kbean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Kbean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kbean)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/39 "2001-12-06T23:11:49Z")
A Palm tree… I like warm weather. ---
**Author:** ![tevya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tevya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tevya)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990/40 "2001-12-06T23:19:49Z")
I would be a Hardy Phuck Yew as so many seem to enjoy giving this tree to others. It embodies the spirit of kindness and generosity that just warms my heart. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-a-tree/96990.md?page=3)