# If you were elected as the next Pope, what papal name would you choose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 12, 2009, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161 "2009-03-12T03:04:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/21 "2009-03-12T12:46:28Z")
Sicola. I want to see newscasters say “Pope Sicola” correctly and without giggling. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/22 "2009-03-12T13:01:33Z")
pope Fabianus, has Fab and Anus in it! ---
**Author:** ![Bluffcityguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ebca7d/32.png) [@Bluffcityguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluffcityguy)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/23 "2009-03-12T13:02:00Z")
> [@Sunrazor](#): > > You’d have to be Irving I. Gotta’ have a number. Popes got numbers. Goes with the funny hat. Take a look at the list of popes the OP linked to. Lots of popes there without a number. I don’t think you get to call yourself Pope Bonzo I until someone else likes the name “Bonzo” enough that he takes it as his papal name, too. Then you retroactively become Bonzo I and he’s Bonzo II. > [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Papa > > Pope Papa Or Papa Papa in Latin. For you repetition fans. As long as I’m posting, I’ll answer the OP’s question to say that I’d definitely be toying with the notion of calling myself Pope Impius. Cheers, bcg ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/24 "2009-03-12T13:02:06Z")
Pope Linus! Then I would carry a blue blanket around with me wherever I went. ---
**Author:** ![Strinka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/strinka/32/512_2.png) [@Strinka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Strinka)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/25 "2009-03-12T13:05:18Z")
Pope Suburban I ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/26 "2009-03-12T13:09:24Z")
> [@Strinka](#): > > Pope Suburban I I too was thinking of a prefix hung on to a good old popey name. Pope Impius I ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/27 "2009-03-12T13:12:54Z")
Another one here who was going to say Sixtus VI… who was the AntiChrist character in the Carol Balizet novel THE SEVEN LAST YEARS, which was actually a decent book. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/28 "2009-03-12T13:18:53Z")
Pope Shmoopie, as a shout out to the Seinfeld fans. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/29 "2009-03-12T13:27:53Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > Pope Linus! Then I would carry a blue blanket around with me wherever I went. Damn it, that’s the name I want–pope Linus II. Besides the Van Pelt connection, I’ve always felt a soft spot for people who do things second. Buzz Aldrin–the second man on the moon. John Adams, the second President of the United States. Linus was the second Pope. Taking his name will secure his place in our collective memory. You know, like the second person to visit the Marianas Trench. Who was it again? Oh, wait a minute . . . ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/30 "2009-03-12T13:29:13Z")
Pope Sidious. And I’d insist in having my papal throne permanently set up in front of [this sculpture](http://www.ectomo.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/pope-pomp.jpg). And some [spiffier uniforms](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/20/Royal_Guard.jpg) for those Swiss Guards. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/31 "2009-03-12T13:29:14Z")
Pope Adope. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/32 "2009-03-12T14:13:30Z")
Ron, Pope Eel. ---
**Author:** ![dalej42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@dalej42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dalej42)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/33 "2009-03-12T14:40:52Z")
> [@Bluffcityguy](#): > > Take a look at the list of popes the OP linked to. Lots of popes there without a number. I don’t think you get to call yourself Pope Bonzo I until someone else likes the name “Bonzo” enough that he takes it as his papal name, too. Then you retroactively become Bonzo I and he’s Bonzo II. We shall see if John Paul I set a precedent. John Paul I was the first pope to use the ‘first’ when he took his papal name. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/34 "2009-03-12T14:57:39Z")
Pope Conan II? (Okay, it’s “Conon”, but the Cimmerian connection is strong.) I’m just amazed that it took until the year 523 before they had a Pope John. Not long ago, I read a science fiction story in which the conclave of bishops who elect a new pope were all mysteriously guided to write the name of an obscure American on their ballots. That’s right: in the story, it was Pope Dave. (Or maybe Bob, or some similar vernacular name.) Scrolling backwards through the list, I see that, before Pope John Paul I, Pope Lando (913-914) was the _last_ pope to bring a new name to the list. All the popes since, except for John Paul I, have reused an older name as their regnal name–and John Paul I only lasted a month. (What was up with that, anyways?) ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/35 "2009-03-12T14:59:04Z")
Did John Paul I actually use a numeral? He died so soon, that John Paul II was in office before anyone had time to even notice John Paul I. I would go with Felix VI. Because Felix V was an antipope, and it would screw with the record-keepers.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/36 "2009-03-12T15:33:10Z")
Since we’ve had two popes John Paul, what about “Pope George Ringo”? The second name is appropriate, what with that giant ring the Pope wears. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/37 "2009-03-12T15:35:09Z")
> [@](#): > > You know, like the second person to visit the Marianas Trench. Who was it again? Oh, wait a minute . . . Pope Linus is now taking the Papal submarine below 11,000 meters into the Challenger Deep. This is lower than the existing record of 10,900 meters set by the Piccard-Walsh dive of 1960. The Holy Father and Cardinal Zissou will also be staying in the Marianas Trench for a record thirty minutes. This is a historic day for Vatican underwater exploration. ---
**Author:** ![Whiteknight](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whiteknight/32/4962_2.png) [@Whiteknight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiteknight)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/38 "2009-03-12T15:37:06Z")
I thought about this long ago. I’d choose the name “Yes”. I’d order fried chicken all the time and the delivery guy could show up at the gates of the Vatican and say, “Hi, I’m here with Pope Yes’ chicken.” ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/39 "2009-03-12T15:44:24Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > Biggus Dickus. > > I wouldn’t be a very good pope… So close! But the correct answer is Pope Dickhead, because of the hat. It is the perfect descriptive name. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161/40 "2009-03-12T16:20:55Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > Did John Paul I actually use a numeral? Yes, he did, from the moment he was elected. It seemed a little weird at the time, but then right away he was dead and there was another John Paul so he needed it after all. There was bad karma in there somewhere. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/if-you-were-elected-as-the-next-pope-what-papal-name-would-you-choose/489161.md?page=3)